{ Recent posts by Johnny Wright }
ornate line
The All Midget Western
This is not an attempt to one-up Echowood's amazing Weng Weng post. I know damn well when I'm beat. I can't top that video. This is only an effort for solidarity. Midget solidarity.

In 1938, a western was made. An all midget western. Absolutely true. The masterpiece was called The Terror of Tiny Town. Again, absolutely true.

The plot was simple. A valiant miniature cowboy comes to the aid of a ranch-owning damsel in distress. It's a pretty small ranch, but still. Local three foot thugs are terrorizing the young lady. Midget in the white hat versus midgets in the black hats. It was like The Searchers except on very tiny horses. And with helium-aided dialogue.

The cast all rode Shetland ponies and were shown roping calfs and walking under the saloons swinging doors. Many of the performers went on to star in The Wizard of Oz the following year.

Do we have a clip Raoul? Roll the clip!

Fantastic. You can actually watch the film in pieces on YouTube. Part one starts here.

Leave a comment on "The All Midget Western"...
ornate line
Pastor Doesn't Have Cancer, Has Porn?
This week in unexplainable...

Some of you are already aware of this bizarre tale. An Australian pastor named Michael Guglielmucci has been faking cancer for the last two years to hide an addiction to pornography. Take a second and read that sentence again. He faked cancer. Including losing his hair and vomiting all over the place. His wife didn't even know the cancer was bogus.

Still confused? Here's more:

I cannot figure out how the thought process would go from hiding his online activities to faking the most hated disease on our planet. I don't see the correlation. Faking cancer as a pornography alibi. I do not understand what Michael was thinking.

Any theories? Please share.

Leave a comment on "Pastor Doesn't Have Cancer, Has Porn?"...
ornate line
Senator Obama Chats About Sports
From the Sports Desk...

As the Ballonfest rolls on in Denver, Barack Obama went one-on-one with ESPN's Stuart Scott. Literally.

Then they chatted about sports.

It is refreshing to hear Obama declare his favorite baseball team and not listen to the Hillary Clinton-like waffling. "I like the Cubs or the White Sox or the Yankees or the Mets or whoever anyone will vote for me likes." Voters aren't as dumb as we are treated during an election year.

There is a bit of unintentional comedy seeing Stu play ball in the Kurt Rambis goggles. At least he didn't yell "boo yeah!" after each of his questions.

Leave a comment on "Senator Obama Chats About Sports"...
ornate line
Roller Skate Ninjas!
Do I even need to say anything more?

That just happened!

Maybe the coolest piece of celluloid I have ever seen. Those ninjas were roller skating.

Suck on that Storm Shadow!

Leave a comment on "Roller Skate Ninjas!"...
ornate line
Monkey Taunts Tigers
1 Comment
Monkey News!

While these tiger cubs may grow up to be the scourge of the jungle, one cheeky gibbon let's them know that he rules the block for now.

It's amazing behavior. The monkey seems to be teasing the tigers just for fun. Swooping down and rapping the big cats on the coconut before swinging back into his tree and laughing. Little stinker.

The best part is when the gibbon gooses one of tigers' arse. Incredible comedic instinct. You can't teach that.

Leave a comment on "Monkey Taunts Tigers"...
ornate line
Nun Beauty Pageant!
sound-of-music-maria-nun-julie-andrews.jpgItalian priest Antonio Rungi announced Sunday that he is organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns. Apparently Tony is doing this to fight the stereotype that nuns are all "old and dour."

Makes perfect sense.

Said Tony the theologian:
Nuns are a bit excluded, they are a bit marginalized in ecclesiastical life. This will be an occasion to make their contribution more visible.

Tony says not to worry, there isn't going to be nuns parading around in two-piece bathing suits. That would be crazy. The sisters will be able to choose if they will pose with or without the traditional vail and/or habit covering their head. Saucy.

When it comes to the talent portion of the pageant, I think Tony needs to make it clear that the nuns will need to perform on their own. If a rebellious nun who has left the abbey to become a governess is allowed to use a family of Austrian children who can really sing to back her up, that is not fair. Those kids are ringers.

(UPDATE: It appears that Tony has cancelled the nun beauty pageant. Apparently the higher-ups did not see the effort to show the nun's inner beauty as appropriate. Shocking...)

Leave a comment on "Nun Beauty Pageant!"...
ornate line
The Clichés of Cinema Keep On Truckin'
House Bunny.jpgThis past weekend a film called The House Bunny opened at your local multi-plex. Not that many went to see it.

I'm not going to see The House Bunny for a few reasons. The whole film is shown in the trailer and the trailer isn't funny. The Bunny gets kicked out of the Mansion because the 90-year-old owner doesn't like girls over the age of 25, she becomes a house mother for a nerd-filled sorority, teaches them to follow the scantily clad, unoriginal lemmings over the cliff and the nerds become "normal." There's also that painful American Idol joke in the preview. I'm betting there is a good amount of woman that are offended by the notion that you need to show your midriff and wear clear plastic hooker heels to gain acceptance.

The film does look bad. But here's the main reason I won't see it; The ridiculous notion of putting glasses on a pretty actress makes her look smart and/or geeky.

The ol' "put the spectacles on the hottie and she'll seem smart" gag is one of the most played out clichés in cinematic storytelling.

The following are the five hackneyed devices that annoy me the most.

Continue reading "The Clichés of Cinema Keep On Truckin'"...
ornate line
Costa Rican SWAT Team Takes Care of Bidness
In Costa Rica, the local SWAT team -- who for some reason are wearing balaclavas -- need to bust into a garage. They tried to bash it open with the battering ram. Didn't work.

So, they chained the door to an SUV in an effort to tear the door off the hinges.

Okay, gun it!

Well, that worked. Medic!

Leave a comment on "Costa Rican SWAT Team Takes Care of Bidness"...
ornate line
Superman To Be Rebooted. Again.
fleischer.jpgIn what may turn out to be the largest storytelling mulligan in history, the Superman franchise apparently is going to be started over. Again.

The Wall Street Journal quotes Warner Bros. Pictures Group President Jeff Robinov saying:
Superman didn't quite work as a film in the way that we wanted it to. It didn't position the character the way he needed to be positioned. Had 'Superman' worked in 2006, we would have had a movie for Christmas of this year or 2009. But now the plan is just to reintroduce Superman without regard to a Batman and Superman movie at all.

Now this could just be a little Dark Knight envy. But I'm not following the thinking here. Superman Returns was a bit of a disappointment. One of the reasons is there was too much screen time devoted to the origin of Superman that almost every filmgoer knows. There was too much soap-opery nonsense with Lois and her son and not enough Superman. It's a very flawed script. The damn thing cost about $270 million bucks. Redoing that is quite a commitment.

We know the story of Superman. By heart. We don't need it again. Just make an entertaining movie.


Leave a comment on "Superman To Be Rebooted. Again."...
ornate line
John McCain's Housing Hullabaloo
During an interview with Politico.com, Senator John McCain was asked how many houses he and his wife own.

That should be a relatively easy question to answer. Well, not that easy...

I'll have to check with my staff.

This gaffe is amusing for few reasons. McCain has been trying to paint Barack Obama is an elitist, out of touch with the common man. McCain has tried not to portray himself as addled and dotty because of his advanced age. And McCain has been trying to suggest that he understands how many are struggling in the poor economy that he says is actually sound. Having at least seven homes, so many that you can't recall the number off the top of your head, doesn't really help McCain's credibility in these matters.

If you are wondering how many guitars I own, I'm not quite sure. I'll have my staff get back to you.

Leave a comment on "John McCain's Housing Hullabaloo"...
ornate line
Olympic Memories: Eric "The Eel" Moussambani
From the Olympic Sports Desk...

This is a true story.

In 2000 a young man named Eric Moussambani from Equatorial Guinea qualified for the Sydney Games through a "wild card." The wild card was designed to encourage developing countries without expensive training facilities to get more involved in Olympic sports.

"The Eel" learned to swim eight months prior to the Olympics. He was 22-years-old. He learned and sort-of-practiced in a hotel pool. One of only two pools in all of Equatorial Guinea. (A very small African nation.) Before the Olympics, Moussambani had never even seen a 50 meter sized pool, let alone swam in one.

As "The Eel" was ready to swim his ceremonial heat, his two competitors false started. They were DQ'd. So Moussambani doggy-paddled the race alone. While his time was twice the Olympic standard, there was something noble about the effort. A purity. "The Eel" gave it everything he had. And inspired many.

Swim, Eric. Swim.

Leave a comment on "Olympic Memories: Eric "The Eel" Moussambani"...
ornate line
Chinese Gymnasts' Ages To Be Investigated
Chinese Kids.jpgFrom the Olympic Sports Desk...

As most of you know, there has been some controversy surrounding the ages of the gold medal winning Chinese gymnastics team.

There is news today that there may be an investigation regarding the matter.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed to The Epoch Times today that it has asked the International Gymnastics Federation to investigate the Chinese gymnastics underage fiasco, following new evidence that at least two gymnasts competed under the legal age in the Olympics. After the initial dismissal of the claims, the IOC said in an email that there have been "additional elements on this subject."

I don't know if the tales of 5-year-old Chinese athletic prodigies being put into athlete factories are entirely accurate. The stories do seem to have some validity. (i.e.; the picture above.) Apparently it also happened in the former Soviet Union and East Germany.

If the ages of the gymnasts, especially that of He Kexin and Yang Yilin, are shown to be fabricated, I would imagine the gold medals would be in jeopardy.

Leave a comment on "Chinese Gymnasts' Ages To Be Investigated"...
ornate line
Olympic Sprint Champion Reprimanded
BOLT2.jpgFrom the Olympic Sports Desk...

Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt's feat of winning both the 100 meter and 200 meter sprints this past week is an incredible achievement. Both wins in record time. Both wins were not challenged from the field. A sprinter has not won both races since Carl "Let Me Show Off My Lovely Singing Voice" Lewis in 1984.

Now if only we could get Bolt to show a little class in victory.

I'm not alone in this feeling. In fact, the International Olympic Committee has publicly reprimanded Bolt for his questionable celebrations.

Said IOC president Jacques Rogge:
That's not the way we perceive being a champion. ... I have no problem with him doing a show. I think he should show more respect for his competitors and shake hands, give a tap on the shoulder to the other ones immediately after the finish and not make gestures like the one he made in the 100 meters.

Maybe my memory is a wee bit fuzzy, but I don't recall the IOC scolding another athlete publicly like this. The Olympics should have a higher standard of sportsmanship. Bolt pounding his chest, taking off his shoes, popping his jersey, posturing and yelling how he is the greatest is really wince-worthy. The displays are overshadowing the accomplishments.

(I wish I could embed videos of the races for you, but during the Olympics, NBC shifts into Gestapo mode and guards Olympic footage like the treasures of Tutankhamun. The races can be seen by heading here.)

Leave a comment on "Olympic Sprint Champion Reprimanded"...
ornate line
Knucklehead Bigfoot Hoaxers: The Update
harryhendersons.jpgThe Great Sasquatch Costume Cabal continues to unspool.

The chaps that said they found a Bigfoot corpse in Georgia, went on television to emphatically deny it's a hoax, gave a press conference that revealed nothing and thought that nobody would really notice that the DNA sample was from a freaking opossum, are quickly becoming despised villains.

One of them, Matthew Whitton, was fired from his job as a Clayton County police officer. The sheriff found out about the deception and canned him like a tuna.

These guys sold the fake Bigfoot body to the website searchingforbigfoot.com for an undisclosed amount of real money. The site released a statement saying they are considering legal action. How much you wanna bet the dough will have to be returned?

It begs the question; what in the hell were these guys thinking? What was end game? Of course when the "corpse" was defrosted and it looked like Sweetums from the Muppets the jig was up. Why call a press conference, go on television and take the money knowing the deception would last less than 72 hours? Surely they knew there would be repercussions and they wouldn't be able to keep the cash. I know they were trying to sell their website's "Bigfoot Excursions," but the people that would pay $499 quid to track the beast would be believers. I'll wager they will boycott the site in retaliation for being had. The whole thing is vexing. Maybe they are just stick-a-fork-in-a-light-socket stupid. Right now it's the only real explanation.

Leave a comment on "Knucklehead Bigfoot Hoaxers: The Update"...
ornate line
Vice Presidential Typo is Fantastic
Joe-Lieberman-2.jpgWhile remembering fondly the "Beloved Aunt" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm...

In an Associated Press story about potential vice president possibilities, a typo is inspiring snickers and giggles.

It may be fixed soon, but in this story, an extra "r" makes a huge difference in describing John McCain's short list of running mates.
His top contenders are said to include Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Less traditional choices mentioned include former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, an abortion-rights supporter, and Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, the Democratic vice presidential prick in 2000 who now is an independent.


Yeah, I think they mean pick. Pretty sure. Good times.

Leave a comment on "Vice Presidential Typo is Fantastic"...
pop culture
blog on the
maybe not.

Most Popular Stories

rss feed Breakfast Links Feed

YesButForum Posts

Feature requests
As I start to work on upgrades to YBNBY, there's the opportunity to make some ch

As the Associated War Lord, Thugs Contractor and Armory Official for the United
Leonardo Carvalho

Welcome to the YesButForums
This is a place for the YesBut Community to post whatever the hell is on their m

Regular Features

Special Features

New to YesButNoButYes?