ornate line
Scottish Day
While you prepare for tomorrow's pints of Guinness, green bagels, parades, and buckets of sick outside bars, let's take a moment and not analyse why we celebrate the Irish, but why we don't celebrate the Scots.

Johnny and I (Clan Campbell and Clan Ferguson respectively) are deeply rooted to our Scottish heritage. I own a kilt. The name "Longshanks" makes my blood boil. I was once head-butted by a fellow Scotsman (my brother). But in the handing out of holidays, the Scots have received the short end of the caber when it comes to American holidays. We need our own day. One in which we can parade, act foolish, and show the rest of America that we can get drunk just like our counterparts across the North Channel. On the following page, I'll detail some amazing facts about Scotland and why our people are worthy of their own holiday and/or parade.

  1. Sean Connery - If you weren't aware, he's a fucking badass. Remember that time he saved all those hostages on Alcatraz?
  2. The television was invented by a Scot. Think about that next time you're watching The Hills. (You're welcome)
  3. Golf was us too. Just imagine if we hadn't invented this sport - what would TMZ have had to talk about for the past three months?
  4. The kilt. I'll admit, I was a bit apprehensive about wearing it when I received my first one. Let's just say I didn't sit very lady-like. But I will say this: wearing a skirt makes swamp-ass a thing of the past.
  5. Loch Ness Monster. Take your Yetis, your Bigfoots, your Chupacabras. We have the Queen Mother of all cryptozoological creatures. It's been proven that, in a fight, Nessie would win each and every time against these other so called "monsters" based on pure size and weight.
  6. Highlander. There can be only one - even if it happens to be Christopher Lambert.
  7. We have a cave filled with giants.
  8. This section of our map looks like we're trying to get Ireland to give us a BJ. (Note: It looks like Johnny's people come from the tip. Get it? Oh never mind.)
  9. Franz Ferdinand (the band, not the assassinated archduke) hail from Scotland.
Here is my proposal: let's make March 27th Scotland Day. (It also happens to be my birthday) We'll have enough time to work through our hangovers from St. Patty's Day, and, on the occasion the date falls on Easter, we'll get the chance to get drunk AND eat chocolate bunnies while tossing large shafts of wood into the air.
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I'm Johnny Wright, and I approve this holiday.

I was a little choked up reading that, Echo.

said Johnny Wright on March 16, 2010 3:23 PM.

See, if you were actually scottish, rather than americans who like to think they're scottish... :-) you'd know you already have a version of St Patrick's day. It's St Andrew's Day, on November 30th.

The Scottish have St Andrew, the Welsh have St David, the English have St George and the Irish have St Patrick.

Why are there so many americans who like to say they're from another country?

said localsurfer on March 16, 2010 3:24 PM.

Sorry Local... you might want to go back and read the article again. I'm not saying there isn't a Scottish holiday, I'm saying there isn't a Scottish holiday that's recognized by America the way St. Patrick's Day is. To your second point, we're quite proud of our American heritage, but we call came from somewhere else (save for the Native Americans) and it's nice to have a connection to our heritage.

said Echowood on March 16, 2010 3:28 PM.

Er...you did y'know. 'We need our own day' You've got one.
Is St Pat's actually a national holiday in the US then? Here in the UK it's just a marketing exercise for Guinness, not that that's a bad thing. No-one pays much attention to the others, same as you.

Anyway,I'm not having a go, it's just highly amusing to someone in the UK when you meet some big loud american who says with a straight face and a thick american accent that actually, they're irish. Or scottish. But never english. Or welsh.

Does the US have it's own patron saint?

said localsurfer on March 16, 2010 3:40 PM.

Ah, quick google and I answer my own question. You have separation of church and state, so no national religion, and so no patron saint. Though the colonialists chose Saint Tamanend and his day is May 1st. There's an excuse to down the budweiser yet...

said localsurfer on March 16, 2010 3:44 PM.

We have Burt, Local, patron saint of the obese and cheese.

said Johnny Wright on March 16, 2010 3:58 PM.

heh, I was just looking for one like that - there is a St Lorenzo, patron saint of boiled food. ...

said localsurfer on March 16, 2010 4:03 PM.

I could get behind St. Burt's Day despite my support of the separation of church and state. And, in truth, my mom is actually from Leamington Spa in Warwickshire, so I'm a closeted England-heritager (that's a newly coined term) and should probably be behind St. George all the way.

I'm calling this one a push.

said Echowood on March 16, 2010 4:04 PM.

Any excuse for a party. And for - The Reinforcin O' the Stereotypes.


said E on March 16, 2010 4:15 PM.

And who can forget Saint Hubbins. The "patron saint of quality footwear."

Ah, Spinal Tap. The comedy that keeps on giving.

said Johnny Wright on March 16, 2010 5:06 PM.

The Scots also claim Mel Gibson right?
He had an awesome accent in that movie where he wore blue make up. It was a prequel to Avatar I think.

One question, in order for America to get a Scotland Day do we have to ask the English? They must approve everything the Scots do right?

said Baierman on March 16, 2010 5:25 PM.

The Irish have that Notre Dame logo guy. The Scots can have Groundskeeper Willie.

said E on March 16, 2010 5:31 PM.

Sherrif Pablo, Clan MacPhee here, and I approve this message.

And LocalSurfer, I also proudly claim my Irish and Welsh heritage, but Scottish is more prevalent in my bloodline.

said Sheriff Pablo on March 16, 2010 6:03 PM.

"some big loud american"?

Son, if John Wayne was alive he'd slap your unbathed, badly orthodontured face.

said E on March 16, 2010 6:14 PM.

The thing that most amuses me about Paddy's day (apart from the fact that St Patrick wasn't Irish, he was Welsh!), is that it's celebrated around the world by people who claim, as an earlier commenter pointed out, to be Irish.

Funny, isn't it, that so few of them want to live in Ireland. Lets face it. If several generations of your family grew up in New York, Boston, or Tennessee, then you're Irish in the same sense as a big Mac is steak.
i.e. laughably not so.

said ersatz.soubriquet on March 16, 2010 8:26 PM.

"Funny, isn't it, that so few of them want to live in Ireland. "

Like has been esplained. It's another occasion to party. People whoop it up on Mardi Gras and who the hell even knows what Mardi Gras is.

Drink a green beer on behalf of the Emerald Isle and join the fun.

said E on March 16, 2010 9:16 PM.

I'm wearing blue today in honor of what should be Scottish Day! Of course, I wear blue every day, but that's neither here nor there.

said AT on March 17, 2010 10:28 AM.

Too sad! There *is* such a holiday, NYC parade and all, but it needs more booze sponsors to be noticed, I guess. All of the clan societies celebrate it, I believe. April 6 is Tartan Day each year, and Ewan MacGregor and Sean Connery have led the NYC parade. Scots and those of Scottish origin in the United States and Canada wear Scottish traditional dress, if possible, and decorate their front doors, cars, and so forth with tartan scarves. I thought that this was common knowledge, so clearly we need to get more bars and retailers involved. See tartanday dot org (national) and tartanweek dot com (New York) for details. If you're observant on 4/6, I'm sure you'll see an unusual amount of tartan being worn (and, perhaps, and unusual amount of single malt being consumed). Yours from Clans Chattan, Spence, MacDuff, MacAlpine, Gunn, Dunbar, MacLaren, and some others, with best wishes . . .

said Auntie Matutinal on March 20, 2010 10:23 AM.
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