Time for a weekend Caption Competition, and this time, I actually have some stuff to give away. The makers of Lost Boys: The Tribe have given us two prize packages to give away any way we see fit. Having seen neither the original Lost Boys or this sequel I can vouch for neither, but given this prize and a bag of cheap popcorn, there's every chance there could be some sofa sex heading your way with the one you love, or your hairdresser (I always find it helps to have a movie with a reasonable beginning, but where seeing the middle and end is not so important. This could be a good candidate on that score).
Each prize consists of both the DVD AND the soundtrack CD, and I'll be giving them to the two people who make me laugh hardest with captions for the above photo. Important: you MUST register before you comment if you haven't already, as that's the only way I have of tracking email addresses, so I can let you know if you win.
We'll pick a winner on Monday.
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You mean to say that, all these years in acting class, I've been taking notes with a tent stake? No wonder I haven't picked up anything yet!
[Not contest eligible for two reasons: a) can't register and b) not funny.]
Why can't you register?
"Look, I'm not asking you to name names...I just want to know how it got up there. Oh, and do you know a good proctologist?"
I've tried a number of times, literally over the course of two years (yes, I've been reading YBNBY forever) and always get a weird error message. Movable Type simply hates me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I murdered Movable's entire family with an open source pick axe one chilly October night, but I'm not sure.
And now I've derailed the competition before it even gets started. I'm a font-based hurricane.
I'm now waiting for E to tell us that in the ER, he learnt that if someone has something stuck up their butt, they say 'I fell on it.'
We have been lost for so long, that my love nail has nearly worn out.
Now love me dammit LOVE ME!
No, NO! Not two Coreys, bitch! One Corey. There's only one Corey.
'This is not a euphamism. I really need to sharpen my point.'
That's not a knitting needle...*pulls it out*...THAT'S a knitting needle!
'Bandana's were cool in the 80's they're still cool now. You hear me!?'
I swear, if you stick it into your wee-wee hole and jerk off, you'll have the time of your life!
Ted-You stay the hell away from Lindsey!
Do you want fries with that FUCKER?!
You think I'm stupid asshole? This is FLOUR!
...what did you say about my momma??
For the last time, it's FELDMAN, not Haim!
Call me Mouth again and I'll show you a mouth... Come on... Call me Mouth...
Whaddya mean this outfit makes me look like Patrick Swayze? Don't Swayze Bro!
C'mere...I heard you were a Nielsen household...
Are you Preston or Steven? I ain't no sister-fucker!
I PAID my cable bill asshole! Now get out of my trailor park!
I'm supposed to play The Riddler! Not that faggot Brian Austin Green.
No. I'm NOT prepared for Jehova's return. And STOP COMING OVER EVERY SATURDAY TO TELL ME ABOUT IT!!
I'm Rick James' bitch!
'The casting director was a bit taken aback by Corey's method acting intensity, particularly since he was auditioning for Our Town.'
And now we're going into my tent to make a sweet love, or else...
"Scaramouch, I BETTER win this caption competition"
Love,
CF
'Manic street preaching or teen idol drama, whatever Corey Feldman does he does with passion.'
"I'm from New York, BITCH!"
"Listen, when I said 'twice as long as a man', I was referring to his HEIGHT ..... pee-wee!"
"Dammit! I wanted a friggin' RIB-EYE!"
'Listen, it's not an Oscar, but I am very proud of my silver dildo award.'
'What's the frequency Kenneth?'
'Whadd'ya mean you'd rather have a YBNBY t-shirt than a Lost Boys DVD?'
ROCK the Casbah! ROCK the Casbah!!
'I was not the fat kid in Stand By Me, I was the kid with glasses. The other dude's boning Rebecca Romjin these days. Kill me now!'
'With his acting career on a bit of a hiatus, Corey Feldman went on to the next logical gig - door to door vibrator salesman.'
"Man Love isn't free buddy!"
'That's the thing about those reformed druggies, when they started telling you about how it was when they were using they practically take you hostage.'
'That Feldman is way too literal. This is what happens when you ask him what his point is.'
What have I told you about touching my priceless miniature SS-20 Soviet-era Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles?
'Cut! Feld-Man, where are you at? You know I love you kid. You made Liscence to Drive, made it! But I need you to bring me more Dream a Little Dream 2 and you're giving me Bordello of Blood here. C'mon. Work with me. Show me that magic.'
No man, I am Obama's VP! He picked ME!
"...and if ConservaLiberCrat_08 does another horrible caption, it'll be the last he ever does!"
(SalMoIlla - I'm a chick. I'm also sorry if I offended you by dumping on your has-been object of desire. Who knew Corey Feldman could strike such a nerve.)
[caption should read]
"NOTHING will come between me and Sal's love!"
(konichiwa bitch.)
'This is an example of product placement done the right way. The Hitachi Magic Wand Travel Edition really would make the perfect vampire killing spike.'
Who'd have thought that Corey could have been such a creative inspiration..
Glad to see we're taking the concept of comic book continuity by referencing previous stories, true believers. Especially like Dave's "Ted-You stay the hell away from Lindsey!" even if most won't understand it. Same with ConservaliberCrat's homage to Brian Austin Green.
E gets the silver dildo award by default, which will accidentally be slipped into his bladder while he's cleaning the display case.
Keep em coming, people.
'Feldman, I think you need to work on your improv skills. I ask you to ad lib a little in this scene and you give me the first thing you pull out of your butt.'
E - Sal's got the perfect place for that silver dildo!
Scara, Leonarado made a reference to Chuck Palahniuk's Guts, which was referenced in the earlier fish-penis story. In literature this is referred to as intertextuality. I'll be sure to note this in my next presentation at the Modern Language Society.
The title of that presentation - Fish Penis or Caption Competition? The case for Post Modern Transgressive Blogging.
[I wasn't offended...you just haven't been funny. :) ]
I think Brad's proctology line and Sal's knitting needle/Crocodile Dundee reference have made me laugh the most. But there's some really good ones thus far.
Rick roll me again mother-f'er
"NOBODY puts Sal in a corner!!"
I liked the you want fries with that line. Course, I always want fries too. Yum.
Don't ever call me "a poor man's William Ragsdale" again.
Look at me Dave - said Kolon-Eek - look at me all try to be that smart ass again. I'll show you how the New Yorkers are sharper than you ranchers.
What did you say about my girlfriend posing for Playboy for free? She told Hef she didn't want the money? Doesn't she realize we NEED it? It's not as if that reality TV show helped us out. My God, what is her major malfunction?
Two for flinching!
What did you say? My hot, model wife loves me! It has nothing to do with my icon status, good looks or mansion. Did I say icon status and good looks? One out of three ain't bad.
The Shaft II - Feldman Boogaloo.
Don - I can't breathe!!! That was funny as hell!!
"My mother called me a has-been. Once... ONCE!"
'If you ever get the urge to watch the deleted scenes from Bikini Bandits Experience - don't. Just trust me on this.'
it's no joke! I'm telling you i was abducted and it was this big.
"QUONIAM NOS ORATOR!!"
(that's for you Leo)
'Hey Corey, I loved you in Lucas!
Whoa, whoa. Back up there bro. Just kidding.'
E - If you base your intertextuality thesis on the latest comments on YBNBY's posts the guys on the MLS will worship you...
CLC - Thank you... from my heart!
'Don't call it a comeback motherf**cker!'
Tell me the true, do I look gay?
Leonardo, yeah I think my presentation will rock em and shock em.
BTW, when Palahniuk was on the book tour he would read that story (Guts) and supposedly people would actually pass out.
The instructions clearly said, "Bring a No. 2 Pencil." Is this a No. 2 pencil?
You ain't gonna shit right for a week
"...tell Daniel-san I'm lookin' for his punk ass!!"
E- No wonder why. The story is disturbing.
You talking to me?
You talking to me?
You talking to me?
Then who the hell else are you talking to? You talking to me?
Well, I'm the only one here.
Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
This is why they don't allow internet access in celebrity rehab.
Somebody tell Lindsey Lohan that this is what the future looks like for her and she'll be begging her parents to sign her up for a Tough Love course next week.
"What? You don't think I'll shove this up Haim's peehole? 'Cause I will, Buddy!....I fucking will..."
Feldman's explanation of his 911 conspiracy theory involved a phsycic, a gummy bear, and a nail.
Unfortunately, the only one who bought it was Jellio.
This is Spartaaaaaaaa!
"Look, I'll stab you to death right here. I don't give a fuck. My lawyer does the truffle shuffle at the arraignment and I get off with community service."
(In case that's over anybody's head, Feldman's 'Goonies' costar, Jeff Cohen aka Chunk, is now a lawyer)
Dave, you really have no idea how hard I'm laughing right now :)
'Is it me or are those Cialis ads getting a little tacky these days?'
Having been misinformed earlier of where to stake a vampire from his local Priest, Corey thought it best he provided his own prop this time.....
In this weeks episode, Corey Feldman plays the part of Echowood. Dave is played by C. Thomas Howell.
Echo: Dave, you stay away from my woman! I'll shove this silver dildo so far up your ass you'll see it when you brush your teeth.
Dave: Easy there big fella.
Scar, I wrote that specifically for you.
"Do you have any idea how painful it is to shoot heroin into your junk with this? DO YOU?"
"I spent $3 on that dvd rental and you denied me my sofa sex man---that's just wrong--wrong!"
"I told you I had dibs on the hot hairdresser--why did you have to follow Dave's advice first?"
"THIS is how you stage an intervention--screw the hugs/we love you/get better soon routine"
"Take this to the salon where CLC's stepmom works--no, no, not the one where Echowood goes--and do a little damage to her tires...tell her the boob implants are next if she doesn't shape up"
What the fuck do you mean you're out of SPAM?!
Hey man, tell your mom to stay out of my shit!
No! I'm not the guy from The Breakfast Club!
'This one time, at man camp, Echowood put this love nail in his pussy.'
(What the hell. I'm on his shit-list anyway.)
Oh, Mista Kooooooh-taa, don't blame me! It was Vinnie who tol' me to put dis on ya chey-ya!
'Yes it was up my butt, but I'm telling you I fell on it!'
(sorry, had to be said.)
'Yes it was up my butt, but I'm telling you I fell on it!'
(sorry, had to be said.)
'Yes it was up my butt, but I'm telling you I fell on it!'
(sorry, had to be said.)
Corey, you nut, there's no such thing as vampires.
G - if you want this to count, you have to register and sign in :)
Oof.
Sorry for the multiple posts. Got an error saying - "Publish error in template 'Comment Response': Error in tag: error in module BREAK Footer: Publish error in template 'BREAK Footer': Error in tag: Specified WidgetSet not found.", so I tried it a few times.
Please pistol whip you IT people for me.
G, was that Juan Eptein or Horshack or Washington?
Sorry, E - making some changes to the backend on a Saturday when I presumed things would be quiet. Things may be a little error filled around here till Monday.
Alpha Dog Unconvincing
80s Actor Still Evokes 80s
Hair Stylist Charged With Criminal Feathering
"No, I'LL pick the music for aerobics class!"
It's all good scara.
That inspires a new caption - 'Corey expresses his frustration to the I.T. help desk.'
Have to say, Corey is quite the muse.
Listen kid, I don't care WHOSE name is listed first on the damn DVD cover, this is MY friggin' sequel!
'Corey goes through the first stage of post child actor grieving process - assaulting your agent.'
80's Actor Still Evokes 80's
-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Hair Stylist Charged with Criminal Feathering
Scara. I like the changes but showing the pictures with the comments is a little out of whack. A bit much, plus it seems to imply I'm illeterate.
God damn my ADD (I blame society), it's 'illiterate'. Fcuk all yall, that was a pun right there.
E - dude, please try to reserve your comments on the changes UNTIL THEY"RE FINISHED - sheesh :)
"Question. Do you like... penicillin on your pizza?"
"Didn't I just say I'm French?"
"I was wondering, if you were driving 55 miles per hour and you collided with a runaway train, would it make ANY improvement on your face? "
Dammit, I'm COREY Feldman! And stop calling me "Eye-Gor"!
"What do you mean. 'I've got no lead in my pencil?'"
The budget for "Rambo V " is looking pretty shitty.
"Look! All I know is, I'm at Neverland Ranch and Michael Jackosn gives me a glass of warm milk... then and 2 days later I wake up in a ditch, on the outskirts of Cali with my pants round my ankles and this stuffed up my ass!!!"
So who won??