ornate line
Apparently Snakes Are Not Dogs
Albino Python Cluse up.JPG

Police were called to an apartment to settle a possible domestic dispute. When they arrived, knucklehead Victor Rodriguez allegedly took out his nine foot albino python, pointed him at the officers and yelled, "Get them!"

"Uh, anything happen Officer Johnson? No? Okay, you're under arrest peabrain."

Shocking that the python didn't spring into action and attack. I mean, what kind of loyal pet is that?

I think Victor may seen "Anaconda" one too many times.

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Or he listened to too much "White Snake" growing up.....

said Trailwaze on June 17, 2008 7:55 PM.

I think it's more the uninspiring "Get them" comment that caused the snake's apathy. If he'd said, in his best Austrian accent, "Time to turn this shakedown...into a SNAKEdown," the snake would've become poisonous and struck/paralyzed Officer #1, who would watch in horror as Officer #2 was swallowed alive. (I think one of the Baldwin brothers was Officer #1, if I'm not mistaken.)

said Jeem on June 17, 2008 8:15 PM.

"I think Victor may seen "Anaconda" one too many times. "

So... once?

said Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo on June 17, 2008 8:22 PM.

A rimshot for Jo Jo! Ba da bum!

Atta kid.

said Johnny Wright on June 17, 2008 8:29 PM.

Derek Bently was misunderstood in the same way. I think good ol' Victor simply meant "Get them a glass of water! These police officers look really thirsty!"

But of course the cops blew the animal-loving citizen away before he could finish his thought, and now we'll never know. Okay, maybe they didn't shoot him to death, but I bet they interrupted him rudely.

Those police, they are rude interrupters. That was pretty much the theme, as I recall, of New Jack City.

said Don't Swayze Bro on June 18, 2008 10:31 AM.

Swayze, you really need to register, pal. Then you can write whatever you want and I don't have to "approve" it.

I mean, seriously, I have Monkey News to read...


said Johnny Wright on June 18, 2008 10:37 AM.

Thank god for my attack tortoise.....beware senior citizens and other crippled people!

said Bigus Dickus on June 18, 2008 11:15 AM.

I have tried to register about a hundred* times since 2006 and Movable Type hates me. So I'm going to have to play for the door until I get my big break, I guess.

*Okay, three.

said Don't Swayze Bro on June 18, 2008 4:50 PM.

Holy shit!

No 'baby got back' references?

God you guys really needed me.

... my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns 'hun ...

And yes, I got nothing accomplished today.

said Jeni Gump on July 1, 2008 6:26 PM.
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