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Top 10 Nicknames for the Penis


Of course, this is just one dicks opinion,
spiced up with some filthy related links.

Top Ten Nicknames for the Penis

I know this is not the first list ranking on this hard subject matter. A few other sites have posted musch longer lists, Top 50 and Top 100, but we choose to boil it down to 10 big ones.

10. Pecker


Cute. Non-offensive. A John Water's film. Why not spice up your next party with a 6 foot Pecker.

9. Prick


Guess what, prick is not just a small penis or someone who's being a jerk, it's also a magazine.

8. Peter/Willie/Dick/Johnson (aka Names)


Proper names are fine but a bit safe. So what about sowing your own John Thomas a penis warmer. willie-warmer.jpg

7. Member


A little used nickname but a way to covertly say you're well endowed. Or that you're a fan of Washington DC's cheesiest band.

6. Junk


An obvious reference to what your man meat looks like with clothes on. Don't have good junk? The Bulge will give you that realistic look.

5. Sausage (Who wants a wiener when you can have a sausage?)


It's big, it's plump and it's funny. Get the poster of the image pictured here.

4. Wang/Dong/Schlong


All these are ethnically accepted ways to suggest you've got something special going on down there.

Dong seems to be a big Google key word for, curiously, an oil company. Wang is definitely something you can play with. As for schlong...If you've got thigh-slapping length and girth then maybe you can pull off the Golden Schlong.

3. Pole/Shaft/Rod


When you're hung like Dirk Diggler or Tommy Lee these words fit you perfectly. As for polls, vote for your favorite nickname at the end of this post.

2. Fuck stick


Blunt. Crude. Raw. Playful. Useful. But, this one could definitely hurt you.

1. Cock


It sounds mean and dirty and masculine. But even nastier when your mate whispers it nastily in your ear. If you love cock, add yours to rate my cock.

That concludes our list. Now why not whip out your pole and take ours...

Okay, I know I missed some of your favorites but fear not, Miss Cellania has more colorful nicknames that didn't make this list in penis praises.

Or in third leg related content, leave your comment about the girl who found Treebeard's penis.

Thanks for reading. Piss off.

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With the picture at the head of your post, there's "Treebeard has wood" joke somewhere in there but I can't seem to find it.

said Johnny Wright on May 30, 2008 11:12 AM.

You forgot the most common one:

The astounding protuberance of Baron Von Dinkle of Tallywhacker Lane.

Why, just today on the metro I overheard a manor lord complaining about his neighbor.

"By Jove! That fellow takes his daily constitutional in the all-together whilst whistling baudy tunes! What an astounding protuberance of Baron Von Dinkle of Tallywhacker Lane," he ejaculated.

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 30, 2008 12:16 PM.

Awesome post, hilarious visuals. Think I'll probably have nightmares about the "fuck stick," though.

As an avid teenage reader of the issues of "Penthouse Letters" my Dad thought were well-hidden in his sweater drawer, I learned many colorful phrases for this organ. My favorite of all time, circa 1987:

Purple-Headed Love Warrior.

(Of course, I'd always heard that if it was actually purple, you were probably squeezing it too hard, but still, pretty good name.)

said Jeem on May 30, 2008 12:35 PM.

My personal favourite is "Yul Brynner".

said Radmila on May 30, 2008 1:34 PM.

Good one, radmila.

said Baierman on May 30, 2008 3:16 PM.

Purple-headed love warrior...wow, very creative of those penthouse writers. One I'll have to file away for a future post.

said Baierman on May 30, 2008 3:19 PM.

One-Eyed Wonder Worm.

said j on May 30, 2008 8:07 PM.

Meat Saber/Sword has always been a personal favorite.

said John on May 30, 2008 9:52 PM.

One-eyed wonder worm. Perfectly descriptive...although it also sounds like a tag line to Hasbro's new kid's toy.

said Baierman on May 31, 2008 12:01 AM.

Oh, I could think of quite a few more that you wouldn't consider at all... since this site has such an overwhelmingly male audience. Mini-me, peanut, fat man with little boy, much ado about nothing, tinker toy, micro member, etc etc etc. Those aren't much used in mixed company.

There are also terms used in women's porn (romance novels) like throbbing manhood. But those are fantasies. Ha!

said Miss Cellania on May 31, 2008 9:52 AM.

You're the Queen of penis references Miss C. I fully realize my post falls short in comparison to the dirty dictionary in your head. (That should read as a compliment.) Hence my linking to your post at the end of mine. (Wait, that sounded dirty?)

Thanks for the small references btw.

said Baierman on May 31, 2008 9:58 AM.

this is soo interesting! seems some hot guys at Militarysoulmate.com have similar nicknames! LOL~

said helod on June 1, 2008 1:49 PM.

I like penis, the word and the actual penis.

said Jeni Gump on June 29, 2008 3:43 PM.

How about "Pulsating Plunger"? As in, "he rammed his pulsating plunger into her velvety vulva".

Or "he slid his Buttered Breadstick" into her "ovarian oven".

said sorethumb44 on June 30, 2008 1:18 PM.

Well these may not have made the list but you earn points for creativity SoreThumb.

said Baierman on June 30, 2008 9:34 PM.
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