Well, it's early days yet, but this has to be a contender.

According to the billboard, I'm in New Jersey's most dynamic College Town. Go Newark! The capitalization of College Town bothers me, but not as much as the questionable accuracy of this claim. And nowhere near as much as the non-start traffic. My bus hasn't moved in eighteen minutes. I'm grammar checking the outdoor advertising and going slightly insane.

This does not bode well for the 2007 commuting season.

Looking around, I realize it could be so much worse. I could be so much taller. If our bus were to challenge a rival commuter bus to a basketball scrimmage, the man across the aisle would dominate. He's roughly 6'9" and appears to be in physical pain. I'm 5'10" (and three-quarters) and rather squished myself.

Let me break down our starting five...

Ooh, now we're moving. I'll get off the basketball nonsense. The guy's tall. You get it.

The Palma Mexican Grocery Store delivery truck was just towed away. I do not know whether this driver/vehicle/proprietorship is responsible for my delay. To be safe, I'll get my Mexican groceries elsewhere.

Speaking of so much worse, we're inching past one, two, three, four cars I'm ready to call totaled. No, five. The guy in the fifth car is frantically dialing his cell phone, acting exactly as you'd expect someone whose new Maxima is in two pieces and facing the wrong way.

With the accident and every on-duty NJ State Trooper behind us, the rest of the ride is shockingly short. I will post this at lunch.

Depending on FedEx, tomorrow should be my first commute with my new BlackBerry. I'm not sure if this technology upgrade will allow me to provide live commentary from the bus. We can only hope. Or I could look it up or ask someone. But for now I'll rely on hope.

Today on the veg...When Animals Attack

While we in the States were painfully watching Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest gush about a ball drop, this was how a Japanese television network rang in the New year. Stay with it; it gets better.

Anyone see last night's Boise State overtime victory over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl? I know I didn't, and I am seriously bummed about that, because it's already being labeled by some sports reporters as the greates BCS bowl game ever.

I won't go through all the highlights, you can read all about them here. What I will mention is that Boise State's last touchdown was scored on a 50-yard hook-and-lateral pass with seven seconds left to play. And then instead of kicking the field goal, they go for two...and make it...on a freaking Statue of Liberty play. I don't think I've seen that since Curly grabbed the ball from Moe to beat the four horsemen. And as the icing on the cake, the Boise State running back proposed to his girlfriend...cue the freaking violins.

Anyway...bringing it all back to us. Anyone who looks up hook and lateral on Wikipedia today will see a link to our wild NFL plays post. So, people may start to know us for more than just gay porn.

Growing up, I lived in a really small town outside of Albany in upstate New York. Do you know what you do for fun when you're a kid in a small town in upstate New York? That's correct...not much. Friday nights, we'd hang out at the local Pizza Hut after the high school football game ended (I'm not kidding) and Saturdays I'd go to the mall and hang out in three key areas...the video arcade, the food court and Spencer Gifts. Wait...Spencer Gifts? Yeh, Spencer Gifts. Ok, the arcade's obvious, and you gotta eat, so the food court makes sense (I loved me some Orange Julius) but Spencer Gifts? You know it. I remember it like it was yesterday. The lava lamps...the little gag boxes with riddles on the cover and either a little plastic penis or a golf ball sliced in half with hair on it on the inside...and the poster rack.

Oh, the poster rack. Do you guys remember? The 70's was the decade of buxom celebrities on a 2'x 3' sheet of paper, and Spencer Gifts had 'em all. Suzanne Somers...Lynda Carter...and the Mona Lisa of the mall, Farrah Fawcett. They were all aranged on that flippy thing, like they were carpet samples, and after you leafed through it about six times, you'd check the corresponding section below to pick up that weekend's prize. And just so you didn't feel like a total perv, the white side was on the outside of the roll, so if anyone asked you could say it was Zeppelin. Those ladies were a big part of my youth, and it's time I said thanks. So let's take a look at what some of the more famous 70's girls are up to these days. Call it a trip through the memory mall, because it would be a shame to forget.

PS: I did have all three...and more. You'll remember I said small town outside of Albany. What else you gonna do?

- Do you feel smarter than last year? You must...you know at least 100 more things than you did in '06.
- Did you see Rocky Balboa over the holiday? Well this will keep the memories going all through the day?
- What's that? I get to watch Tom Sizemore spiral into a pit of crystal meth-induced dispair? Sign me up.
- Did your husband buy you that ring? Actually, my husband IS this ring. REALLY...pardon me while I vomit.
- And anyone in need of a desk calendar for work. Here's a little New Year's present called the Cardboy.