Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Well, as many of you may already know, Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report recently put on an awesome display of good old American we're-better-than-youness; showing Hungary what a first-world celebrity can do, by dominating their Name Our New Bridge Contest. He put out an urgent request to every Colbert-watching hero in the nation, and within a week, had over 17 million votes. This easily vaults Stephen into the second round (especially when you consider Hungary has only 10 million people) where he'll probably lose because the contest now requires voter registration, and heros have other things to do.
Still, 17 million votes in one week...Not too shabby, America. For a little perspective, consider 62 million votes elected our last President. Or more importantly, 73 million made Kelly Clarkson our first Idol...and she had an entire season. Explains that look of sheer ecstacy when Stephen annouced the results. The people have spoken, and Steve's their guy!
But it's halftime now, and team Hungary's changed the rules. Looks like no Colbert Bridge in Budapest (or wherever). It was pretty sweet too, not the kind of thing the coyote falls thru with the bomb. This was gonna be first class. Oh well, still got little Stephen Jr. But there must be other nameless items out there just dying for this ultimate American distinction. We've got to move quick though, before their contests expire. So take a look at ten other things we could name after Stephen Colbert. Then we'll all get together to decide which to go after. Because Steve deserves it.