"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" *** (out of four): Heartbreak, a love triangle, werewolves, and a trip to old-world vampire royalty. Not a bad time at the movies. Especially if you're a 14 year-old girl.

I suspect I was the only one in the screening of "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" (the second in the series) who hadn't seen "Twilight" or read a book in the series. Still, I had a pretty good idea of the arc for books one and two, and this entry seems to be the one to see: heartbreak, a love triangle, werewolves, and a trip to old-world vampire royalty. Not a bad time at the movies.

Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

"Planet 51" ** (out of four): Although this animated film turns the stereotypical alien invasion scenario on its head, the tale itself is old hat.

An alien invader's space ship touches down on the lawn of a home in a peaceful suburban neighborhood. Sound like the premise for a schlock 50s Sci Fi movie? Well, there's a twist: the alien is one of us, and the suburban neighborhood is on a planet that is decidedly not Earth.

Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

A SFW optical illusion? Or just another Similak child?

No word if she was shopping for some support.

Oh People of Walmart, how you make me cringe.

Phil and Lee Edmonds are calling turkeys in style. No word on how successful they were.

How are you going to deal with the turkey this year? These links may help. Or not.

Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey.

And one more: Turbaconducken.

What beer should you serve with turkey?

How to deal with Thanksgiving Leftovers.

You know how truly awesome you are. Now proclaim it to the world!

Go forth and make yourself Mighty!

Report back on your favorite name.

That is all.

From The Sports/Band Geek Desk...

Last weekend Stanford murdered the mighty USC Trojans 55-21. It was funny.

At halftime, the band got a little squirrelly. The announcer they had in the booth completely went off book. He went rouge. This chap grabbed the mike and killed the Girls Gone Wild dirtbag Joe Francis. Said the young man:

With that said, USC can't take all of the credit for the successes of its students. After all, it takes a special kind of man to be wanted for sexual harassment, drug trafficking, tax evasion, prostitution, child abuse and disruptive flatulence. But that's just the kind of captain of industry Joe Francis is.

That may be a little grammatically weird, but it is amusing. The kid has some balls. USC fans did not take kindly to their alum getting called out. Boos descended. Joe is their guy. How dare you.

By now you've all heard about Johnny's attempt to create a sex tape. The fact is: he's already created one - and it's horrible. Viewing it would turn you to stone or melt your face off. Trust me when I say it's this year's 2 Girls 1 Cup, only with less girls and cups and more farm animals. In fact, you'd get a close approximation of what it looks like were you to watch two manatees humping at Sea World. Lucky for you, I phoned this one in recreated my reaction upon viewing said video. (Hint: it did not go well)

This is either the best parody I've ever seen, or it's a disturbing look at a strong cross-section of America. Created by Prayer Works Interactive, whose mission is to "create engaging, top-quality games that entertain, inspire and bring families closer to the Lord," their first game is Mass: We Pray. If I know anything, it's that this is going to be a huge hit. Nothing says "fun" like recreating a transubstantiation. If only they'd include a level where you could kill a prostitute and steal her money.

Dateline: Portugal

A 22-year-old former Disney corporation science experiment has been caught attempting to rob a Portuguese grocery store. The young man is the result of a secret project to create a man and toon hybrid. It was initially thought the Men/Toons would be a benefit to the CIA because they can jump off a cliff, smack the ground at terminal velocity, walk away like an accordion and be fine in ten minutes; ready for another mission.

However, the creators of the project did not foresee a Man/Toon revolt. The hybrids didn't want to go after terrorist cells. They wanted to fly away to Neverland and hit each other in the mug with banana cream pies. As a result, the Man/Toons simply smushed themselves thin as a board and slid out between the bars of their cells. Jailbreak! They are now on the lam.

The gentleman in the video above, a crossbreed of a Romanian and a rumbly, tumbly silly old bear had made it Portugal. He just wanted to eat some freaking honey. Man/Pooh smelled the delicious bee-byproduct in the corner shop. There was a tiny window he thought he could squeeze through. He had to go for it. But, wouldn't you know it, victim to Pooh's natural tendencies, he got stuck. Police soon arrived and Man/Pooh was taken into custody.

A shame. A damn shame.

You know, I may not have all the details of this right. I'm pretty close. Within the margin of error.

If you like blood, guts, gore, zombies and chainsaws, you'll really love this.

It's pretty graphic, even for claymation. Just so you know.

via Unscathed Corpse