It's not your personality, it's not how funny you are. Hell, I've seen guys who like like Eric Stoltz in Mask get laid. And what it comes down to is what you've got parked in your driveway. What you drive not only says a lot about you, but it also gives you some idea as to how much tail you're bringing home as well.

Case in point: I drove a 1995 Volkswagen Golf in the late 90's and scored with approximately 1 girl, who I'm quite sure only did so because I told her I could introduce her to the guys from Eve 6. (I couldn't and didn't). In fact, I had more sex when I didn't own a car than I did with the Golf. Taking this issue to heart, I researched a bunch of the offerings from today's car manufacturers and came up with the top 10 that are most likely to get you laid. Just to be clear on the rules, this is cars and SUVs only. No motorcycles. We all know dudes with bikes crush a lot of ass. Also, no conversion vans. Drugging and/or kidnapping a girl doesn't count. And seeing as the cheapest car on the list is around $27,000, you'll still need to have enough money in the bank to take her out for dinner and/or get the tattoo of your ex removed from your shoulder.

yahoo (yä'hōō) n.
an uncultivated or boorish person; lout; philistine; yokel.

Back in the Olden Days, when you had a nagging question, you consulted a doctor, counselor, librarian or other trained professional.

In the Not-Quite-As-Olden-Days, you called into a radio show or listened to the sage advice of a psychologist (or an actor who played one) on TV.

Nowadays, there's Yahoo! Answers, which resolves your queries using all the power of the Internet. And by "power" I mean "skull-thumping moronity."

The basic idea is as follows:

1. Some dipshit formulates a question that neither the voices in his/her head, Glenn Beck, nor Google can answer.
2. This dipshit types said question into Yahoo! Answers, often ending the question with a question mark (sometimes several, for those really nagging questions.)
3. Other dipshits from all over the world post their answers.
4. Still more dipshits vote on which of the other dipshits' answers is the least dipshitty.
5. If Question-Posting Dipshit accepts the "Best Answer" picked by the Voting Dipshits, then the question is deemed "resolved," and QPD goes back to sodomizing a sheep, sticking body parts in light sockets, and/or coming up with more dipshit questions for Yahoo! Answers.

Got it? Cool. Then let's explore 10 of the forehead-slapping-est nuggets of populist curiosity, shall we?

The caption competition I posted a couple weeks ago featured a photo of The Xylopholks, a band appearing in subway stations across the city, The band includes, among other creatures, a pink gorilla, Cookie Monster and a big, yellow chicken. This made me think of other costumed bands I've known, and that made me want to put together another fairly useless list...bands that like to play dress up.

...and are pretty damn entertaining even if you're not.

(For maximum effect, wait until the clock strikes 4:20 before clicking through.)

Hanna Barbera, 1970

In typical Squaresville, USA "Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do" rhetoric, this spot's creators ask America's youth to ignore their own bread and butter -- the obviously cannabis-fueled antics of a scruffy burnout and his talking dog -- and just say "no." Or, "whoa." Or something.

Well, another holiday has come and gone, and now we can turn our attention to the next big weekend event. But I'm not talking about Memorial Day weekend. No, I'm focused on June 20th, because that's the day the World Naked Bike Ride comes to Central Park.

What's the Naked Bike Ride, you ask? Well, I first read about it back in March. The ride started in Australia, and will make it's way through Manhattan a little more than a month from now. Apparently, its purpose is to "expose the naked consequences we face due to dependence on oil". But if the city actually lets this thing happen, you can count on a world record being set for the number of cameras in Central Park in one afternoon. And I have to think YesButNo will deploy the entire staff for the occasion.

So, since learning of the ride, I've come to realize there must be other naked sporting events held around the world, some in support of worthwhile causes, and some held simply as an excuse to get naked. And wouldn't you know it...I found ten. (obviously, some links NSFW)

Have you noticed the big thing on Facebook these days is those lists of your five favorite whatevers? You know...favorite movies...albums...dog breeds. I had just finished my five favorite fascist dictators and sick day excuses when I saw one that really brought me back to my childhood. I went pretty mainstream with my five favorite cereal choices (gotta give it up for the Captain) but the excercise reminded m of some other pretty unique brands. Do you remember any of these?

I took quite a hit last time I recommended readers check out Gigli. The movie isn't/wasn't great and I was merely suggesting people give it a second thought before writing it off. (Convinced that most people hadn't actually seen it.) And now I prepare to go one step further.

After the jump, I give you the Top Ten Movies I'm Ashamed to Like. These are the ones not privileged for your DVD shelf for fear your buddies will see them, and ask why you have more than zero Reese Witherspoon movies in your collection. For one reason or another, I enjoy these movies and what better forum is there to cleanse my soul and shout to the heavens that, just maybe, Sweet November got a bad wrap.

A few months ago I posted 5 candies I really miss.
This is its partner. And its polar opposite. Cause these candy brands I'll never miss.

Whether it's a name or the ingredients, I don't think I'd every want to pay good money or chew the following 5 chocolate, gummi or gooey treats.

I know what you're thinking. Only a Top 10? It's napkins for goodness sake! There's got to be, well, at least 23 3/4 great ways to fold them.

And you'd be right.

But we've got to single out the best. The folds that showcase napkins for what they truly are: the unsung hero of every meal. The star of the place setting.

Now I looked at a lot of napkin folding techniques, considered 20 of the coolest, (as recommended by Mrs Beeton and listed by Quamut) and narrowed the list to the ten which virtually anyone can make.

Cheap, explosive, and unreliable. That's how I'd categorize most of my relationships with women. The same terms could be applied to bottle rockets, which have given double the excitement any of the ex-Miss Echowoods have. In high school, we'd launch them out of my car's sunroof ... while I was driving. We'd attach various bugs and creatures to them, with the understanding that all organisms really want a fast and violent death. But no creature is more amusing than the human, especially when it comes to accidents at the fiery hands of bottle rockets.

(Accidents is used lightly here. Perhaps "incidents of stupidity" would have been better.)

Henry Rollins, the former front man of Black Flag, is the voice many suburban-raised and equally repressed men want to have. He's not only angry, but articulate. He can stand in front of a crowd, microphone chord wrapped around his strained and ... I'm assuming ... rock solid forearm, and dish it out. The rest of us, we hide behind pseudonyms and write about our distaste for humanity on blogs from the comfort and safety of our homes. But Henry is up there, hosting shows, writing books, and touring. And if you've never heard some of Henry's rants, I've collected some of his best after the jump.

Say what you will about Michael Bay - but the man knows how to create intense car chases. Sure, you need to suspend a large amount of disbelief in order to fully appreciate the scenes, but no one is better at destroying metal traveling at high-rates of speed better than Mr. Bay.

Here, for your viewing enjoyment/afternoon adrenalin rush are the ten best car chase scenes from Michael Bay movies.

The wine bottles have been emptied, the warm breeze off the ocean runs through her hair causing her to tuck the wayward strands behind her ear. Through the dancing glow of the candles, and the way she's kissing your neck ... repeatedly, you know that tonight is going to be a good one. In order to enhance the mood, you randomly punch a button on your iPod, which brings up "Unskinny Bop" by Poison, ruins the mood, and causes your date to lose all interest. No sex tonight. No crushing of that ass. Instead, you and Bret Michaels are re-living the 80s, while your girl is putting her clothes back on and heading out the door.

We don't want this to happen to you. So, we've put together a list of some of the 10 best songs to have sex make love to. These have all been tested - at great length - by yours truly and have passed the test.

My friend Warren writes for reality TV shows. He's penned plot twists, unexpected outcomes and judges zingers for Hell's Kitchen, The Mole, The Bachelor, Top Chef and many others.

Come on, you didn't think these shows were ad lib did you? While the contestants may not have to memorize all their lines, they are certainly guided and prodded. Plus, if things aren't going well, the writers help spice up the mix.

I asked him for a few pointers for those perspective contestants out there. He gave me 10 suggestions. I hope it helps you cause I'm sick of watching they same idiots do the same stupid things.

Any Japanese speakers out there care to fill me in on the meaning behind these head-scratchingly wonderful clips?

On second thought, don't -- it's probably more satisfying NOT knowing, rather than having that sense of child-like wonder shattered...much like a magician revealing his secrets (such as, how he gets laid even after telling women he's a professional magician.)

Robots Hate Pushups

While good for building upper body strength in humans, pushups actually just turn robots into the devil.