Pack your thermos.

Ask Mom to make a PB&J on Wonder.

And check out these lunchboxes from yesteryear.

(Okay, like the 70s & 80s.)

While we all assumed it'd go away faster than Vanilla Ice on a Compton street corner, it hasn't. The Twitter phenomena continues. Hell, it even grows. And if you're one of the millions who "tweet" daily, you might be searching for some more people to follow. And if you're really desperate, you could always follow us. Using the trained llama we keep in the backroom, we compiled a list of 10 celebrities you should follow. (Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Kutcher, you don't make the list.)

Vegetarians may have given up meat, but that doesn't mean the people who market products to vegetarians have.

This explains all the sites and products that help vegetarians make popular meat dishes sans meat And books like "The Vegetarian Meat and Potatoes Cookbook" and the "I Can't Believe it's Not Meat" Cookbook.

For beans-sake, vegetarians have given up meat. It's time the marketing department got with the program.

A little menu renaming is in order, I think.
Starting with these ten meat-but-not-meat substitutes.

Worried about babies having babies? Just show one of these 10 creeptastic doll commercials to your daughter, and she'll be asking Santa Claus for a tubal ligation this Christmas.

Baby Secret, Mattel, 1966

Secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets...KILL SOMEONE!

And yes, I'm pretty sure that is Eve Plumb, TV's Jan Brady, by the way.

Poor Glen Beck.

Lately the crazier he gets, the more advertisers leave his show.
Every day there's another 2 or 3 companies that don't want their brand associated with his brand of, um, comedy.

Pussies!
The advertisers I mean.

Like you, I want Glenn Beck to succeed.

So I've searched my limited database of knowledge (Bing.com) to find some more appropriate products that could fill the void left by Geico, Sargento Cheese, P&G, Progressive Insurance and a host of others who've pulled their ads from Beck's nightly broadcast.

If the makers of these 10 products are brave enough and crazy enough to step forward with their media dollars, Glen insightful program will survive.

Above: just a few of humankind's many, many celebrated balls

When you really think about it, balls are pretty awesome. Yeah, I said it.

A potent symbol of courage, leadership, and even life itself, they've been celebrated since the dawn of human history. They are the very core of most of our sporting events. We gather by the millions each December 31 to watch 'em drop. Even the very act of enjoying something is known as "having" one. And as far as I understand, dunking them on someone's forehead is now a powerful form of political protest.

Let's face it: none of us would even be here today if it weren't for balls. Heck, every single one of us even lives on an enormous blue one.

So it's little wonder then, that they're the subject of many a popular ditty as well.

It's not your personality, it's not how funny you are. Hell, I've seen guys who like like Eric Stoltz in Mask get laid. And what it comes down to is what you've got parked in your driveway. What you drive not only says a lot about you, but it also gives you some idea as to how much tail you're bringing home as well.

Case in point: I drove a 1995 Volkswagen Golf in the late 90's and scored with approximately 1 girl, who I'm quite sure only did so because I told her I could introduce her to the guys from Eve 6. (I couldn't and didn't). In fact, I had more sex when I didn't own a car than I did with the Golf. Taking this issue to heart, I researched a bunch of the offerings from today's car manufacturers and came up with the top 10 that are most likely to get you laid. Just to be clear on the rules, this is cars and SUVs only. No motorcycles. We all know dudes with bikes crush a lot of ass. Also, no conversion vans. Drugging and/or kidnapping a girl doesn't count. And seeing as the cheapest car on the list is around $27,000, you'll still need to have enough money in the bank to take her out for dinner and/or get the tattoo of your ex removed from your shoulder.

yahoo (yä'hōō) n.
an uncultivated or boorish person; lout; philistine; yokel.

Back in the Olden Days, when you had a nagging question, you consulted a doctor, counselor, librarian or other trained professional.

In the Not-Quite-As-Olden-Days, you called into a radio show or listened to the sage advice of a psychologist (or an actor who played one) on TV.

Nowadays, there's Yahoo! Answers, which resolves your queries using all the power of the Internet. And by "power" I mean "skull-thumping moronity."

The basic idea is as follows:

1. Some dipshit formulates a question that neither the voices in his/her head, Glenn Beck, nor Google can answer.
2. This dipshit types said question into Yahoo! Answers, often ending the question with a question mark (sometimes several, for those really nagging questions.)
3. Other dipshits from all over the world post their answers.
4. Still more dipshits vote on which of the other dipshits' answers is the least dipshitty.
5. If Question-Posting Dipshit accepts the "Best Answer" picked by the Voting Dipshits, then the question is deemed "resolved," and QPD goes back to sodomizing a sheep, sticking body parts in light sockets, and/or coming up with more dipshit questions for Yahoo! Answers.

Got it? Cool. Then let's explore 10 of the forehead-slapping-est nuggets of populist curiosity, shall we?

The caption competition I posted a couple weeks ago featured a photo of The Xylopholks, a band appearing in subway stations across the city, The band includes, among other creatures, a pink gorilla, Cookie Monster and a big, yellow chicken. This made me think of other costumed bands I've known, and that made me want to put together another fairly useless list...bands that like to play dress up.

...and are pretty damn entertaining even if you're not.

(For maximum effect, wait until the clock strikes 4:20 before clicking through.)

Hanna Barbera, 1970

In typical Squaresville, USA "Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do" rhetoric, this spot's creators ask America's youth to ignore their own bread and butter -- the obviously cannabis-fueled antics of a scruffy burnout and his talking dog -- and just say "no." Or, "whoa." Or something.

Well, another holiday has come and gone, and now we can turn our attention to the next big weekend event. But I'm not talking about Memorial Day weekend. No, I'm focused on June 20th, because that's the day the World Naked Bike Ride comes to Central Park.

What's the Naked Bike Ride, you ask? Well, I first read about it back in March. The ride started in Australia, and will make it's way through Manhattan a little more than a month from now. Apparently, its purpose is to "expose the naked consequences we face due to dependence on oil". But if the city actually lets this thing happen, you can count on a world record being set for the number of cameras in Central Park in one afternoon. And I have to think YesButNo will deploy the entire staff for the occasion.

So, since learning of the ride, I've come to realize there must be other naked sporting events held around the world, some in support of worthwhile causes, and some held simply as an excuse to get naked. And wouldn't you know it...I found ten. (obviously, some links NSFW)

Have you noticed the big thing on Facebook these days is those lists of your five favorite whatevers? You know...favorite movies...albums...dog breeds. I had just finished my five favorite fascist dictators and sick day excuses when I saw one that really brought me back to my childhood. I went pretty mainstream with my five favorite cereal choices (gotta give it up for the Captain) but the excercise reminded m of some other pretty unique brands. Do you remember any of these?

I took quite a hit last time I recommended readers check out Gigli. The movie isn't/wasn't great and I was merely suggesting people give it a second thought before writing it off. (Convinced that most people hadn't actually seen it.) And now I prepare to go one step further.

After the jump, I give you the Top Ten Movies I'm Ashamed to Like. These are the ones not privileged for your DVD shelf for fear your buddies will see them, and ask why you have more than zero Reese Witherspoon movies in your collection. For one reason or another, I enjoy these movies and what better forum is there to cleanse my soul and shout to the heavens that, just maybe, Sweet November got a bad wrap.

A few months ago I posted 5 candies I really miss.
This is its partner. And its polar opposite. Cause these candy brands I'll never miss.

Whether it's a name or the ingredients, I don't think I'd every want to pay good money or chew the following 5 chocolate, gummi or gooey treats.

I know what you're thinking. Only a Top 10? It's napkins for goodness sake! There's got to be, well, at least 23 3/4 great ways to fold them.

And you'd be right.

But we've got to single out the best. The folds that showcase napkins for what they truly are: the unsung hero of every meal. The star of the place setting.

Now I looked at a lot of napkin folding techniques, considered 20 of the coolest, (as recommended by Mrs Beeton and listed by Quamut) and narrowed the list to the ten which virtually anyone can make.