As I explain briefly in this ridiculous video, we haven't been able to do a 3 Chords & the Truth podcast this week due to a few scheduling issues.

So this is what you get. A crappy solo video without Adam.

An Oregon wizard is suing Idaho police for opening a special mojo-style bag that gave him magical powers. This was done during a DUI bust. Now the man is a mere mortal and Idaho coppers are looking at a 25 large lawsuit.

Drunk Wizards beware!



Outside is America...

Valued reader -- you're all valued, but some are more special than others, sorry -- Ben Lurkin is an illustrator. A damn talented one from what we can gather.

Ben, on his own accord, sent in a caricature of your favorite knuckled-headed YesButNoButYes contributers. Those of Baierman and Miss Celania weren't very good, so he drew and Echowood and myself as a consolation.

They made us laugh pretty hard. I don't how he made me look so smug, but it sure cracked me up. Echo is like the Mona Lisa: what is he thinking about? Man, this cartoon has layers.

Our thanks to Ben for the effort. A little plug: Ben sells some pretty funny t-shirts here. Please support him.

Again, thank you Ben. We appreciate how you can honor and make fun of us at the same time.

Post Script: We haven't done a 3 Chords & the Truth podcast this week because I have down with the flu and lost my voice. And yes, I know many of you would see that as a bonus, but we'll have another up next week.

This was initially going to be a column entitled "Regression in Sport: The All White Basketball League."

Then I thought my sarcasm and venom would come across more clearly in video form.

In Augusta Georgia, a town not exactly known for racial harmony, knucklehead Don "Moose" Lewis is the commissioner of the apparently real All-American Basketball Alliance. Just your run-of-the-mill, small independent basketball league. One catch: you have to be a white guy to participate. Caucasians only. Can't see any potential problems with this venture.

I couldn't resist proffering my 2 cents.



Extra Tidbit: My hat is a vintage cap from the family business, SeaSport Boats. Started by my Scottish immigrant grandfather in 1955, many of his classic designs are still in use today.

Against our better judgment, the advice of clergy and a petition signed with over 1,000 names asking us to stop, we recorded another podcast. Despite our best efforts, the audio quality hasn't improved much. Johnny continues to sound like Alexander Graham Bell and the internet connection has more drops than the Seahawks. You can listen here, and the file should be up on iTunes in a few hours.

They said it couldn't be done. They said it would defy the laws of the universe, much like the Large Hadron Collider or Kirstie Alley. And yet we're proud to announce the arrival of the first 3 Chords & the Truth Podcast. No longer are you chained to your computer as you listen to our dulcet voices wax poetic. You are now free to hear our gospel whilst in your car, on the subway, on a run or sailing on your yacht. Furthermore, you won't have to look at our ugly mugs either!

Before you blow your wad much in the same way you would were you to witness Natalie Portman and Alesandra Ambrosio make out while Michael Bay explosions went off behind them, there are a few things to note.

1. The sound quality isn't that great. We have the audio skills of Marlee Matlin conducting a symphony and it shows. With Johnny in Seattle and me in New York, a lot of the quality is lost when Johnny's wee voice travels all those miles to reach my computer.
2. Things need to be refined. Our philosophy has always been to start out running and finish by asking the dude in the pedi-cab to deliver us to the finish line. We honestly had no gameplan. Our discussions previous to this can be summed up in the phrase: "let's talk about things in the news."
3. I swear once or twice. What would you expect from a man raised on the docks? Johnny keeps his mouth soap-free for fear God might smite him. With that, if you have kids listening, you may want to explain to them what a "dick smoking ass bucket" is.
4. As stated above, we really have no idea what we're doing. What we'd like is some feedback. Tell us what you'd like to hear. Give us some suggestions. Shoot us a line in the comments section, or drop us one at threechordsandthetruth@gmail.com.

Here's how to listen. You can check out the Mp3 here. We're still waiting to be "reviewed" on iTunes, but once that's set up, you'll be able to subscribe to the podcast.

UPDATE: We were approved on iTunes! So head to this link (it should open iTunes) and click "subscribe."

We aren't helpless in this terrible Haiti earthquake. This is all on the level. CNN is reporting more than $3 million in donations already.

Let's lend a hand...

Adam and I have been clumsily plugging our upcoming 3 Chords & the Truth podcast. These will be in addition to the stupid 5 minute videos we do.

We had a production meeting just this morning. Well, we exchanged an email. Close enough.

We now have a email address for the podcast. If you would like to ask a question, suggest a story to talk about, request a segment or just send poorly spelled hate mail, you can now do so.

If we deem your email interesting or funny, we may use it on the show. You can email us at:

threechordsandthetruth@gmail.com

Fire away.

I asked for water, she gave me gasoline,

JW

Adam and myself are bringing the masses an all new, unwanted, pop culture related podcast. Lock up the kiddies, dangerous/inane ideas will be put out onto the airwaves with reckless abandon. And stories about monkeys.



We're trying to book Sasquatch as a guest for the first show, but his handlers, agents, publicists, and wrangler are really hard to deal with. We'll put raw steaks, Lick-A-Maid Fun Dip's and Golden Delicious apples in his trailer. Jeez. Bloody Cryptozoological-Prima-Donna...

From all of us, to all of you, Merry Christmas.



The film at the end is called The Visit of Santa Claus, shot in 1898.

Sleep warm tonight...

Get your aural fixation in January.

When calling into the YesButNoButYes home office, the caller is told by a recording that all calls may be monitored and recorded. Two of our feuding writers seemed to have missed that warning completely. Johnny called Echo this morning to discuss their fight in private. Happily, I found the recorded copy of this phone call and put it on YouTube for all to enjoy.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Item!

UFO shocker in England! For some odd reason, Her Majesty's military made the decision to shut down the government funded UFO Hotline. This is outrageous.

Britain's Ministry of Defence (that's spelled correctly by United Kingdom standards) announced this information quietly in a little nook and cranny on their website. It didn't get past 3 Chords & the Truth! Uh, or the Associated Press.

With proper safety headgear, I give you my thoughts.



We know most of you watch this nonsense here on our YBNBY. As a reminder, you can see all of the previous 3 Chords & the Truth, two of them quite funny, on our our little YouTube page.

From The Space-Time Continuum Desk...

I'm concerned that the geniuses running the Super Hadron Collider may have some bats in the belfry. The potential explanation of why the bloody thing has been a let down so far blew my mind. "I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr Scientist in the monogrammed lab coat? There are correlations between the Collider crapping the bed and the plot to Back to the Future II? Can I see a copy of your degree please? How did you get in here?"



Special thanks to my Dad for use of the cabin as a set and the use of headgear and props.

'Tis the season to give stuff away! The kindly folks at AXE Hair have given us a bunch of their product, and we want to give it to you! However, we aren't going to simply hand it out. No, we want something in return. Something dirty...

We've all got secrets. Some are juicy, some are sinister, and most are dirty. You need to tell us yours. In the comments section below, submit your dirtiest secret, we'll vote on the best one, and that lucky reader will have enough hair product to make it cleanly through several months of depravity. (We'll be giving out AXE prizes to the 2nd and 3rd place finishers as well.) Let your stories fly in the comments section below. The deadline for submissions is next Tuesday, December 8th at Midnight, so get your dirt in before then.