We all saw Adam's pathetic attempt at a solo record. The opening was so gay, he could have slipped in the volleyball scene from Top Gun and nobody would have batted an eye. "Perfectly on theme," they'd say. My opening is little more, shall we say, in the awesome category. Not something that could appear as a montage in High School Musical 7.

So here's an update from The Emerald City.



I really do need a theremin.

I'm breaking my silence. I may get kicked out of several writer's unions, the State of New York, and my dinner club for posting this, but it needed to be done. Johnny decided to take matters into his own hands, fly to the West Coast, and film his own 3 Chords & the Truth without telling me. Well kids, I'm here to tell you - this shit just got real.

I've put together my own show, appropriately titled 1.5 Chords & the Truth with Echowood which will, no doubt, rapidly climb to the top of the YouTube viewing charts. So while Johnny hires actors to portray his "family," I'll be bringing you hard-hitting interviews. Let the games begin.

Oh, and Ivo ... you're treading on some thin ice my friend. Don't think I haven't noticed your insolence over the past month.

From The Emerald City...

For this special edition of 3 Chords & the Truth, I am joined by my rascally nephews. These lads have surprising insight on the virtues of Halloween. What they love may surprise you. Especially since they are my blood.

Also, since they are Wright's they give you all a rather cheeky sendoff. I have no idea where they learn this sort of behavior.



Happy Halloween.

Go set a bag of dog boom-boom ablaze on a cranky old guy's porch. You know, celebrate in style. And class.

Hey kids. What's the rumpus? Panic on the streets of Grammercy! That's was the rumpus. I was involved in bit of a scuffle recently on 23rd Street. A real donnybrook was going down and I stepped in to mange the carnage. No big deal. I'm just a concerned citizen. Like Bruce Wayne minus the butler and gay sidekick.

Here's what happened. I was walking down the road, minding my own, listening to something like this on the earbuds. I was mellow. Reflective. Not ready to throw down. But then came a running high-as-a-Lohan-sister nut-job running down 23rd, causing havoc, attacking civilians. Something had to be done.

Alright, punk ... I pressed pause on my iPod and cracked my knuckles. Let's do this.



"My writing is nothing, my boxing is everything."
Papa Hemingway

I received the following e-mail from Echowood today:

Dude-
If you have a few minutes, can you write up our latest 3 Chords & the Truth. Thanks!
Echo

So here goes my best description of this 3 Chords & the Truth. Johnny, with a sweet 70's style mustache, and Echowood, getting more and more intoxicated, give the best possible explanation on the healthcare debate two people in their conditions can muster. Also, keen observers will notice this is the very first 3 Chords & the Truth to be broadcast in sweet succulent high-definition. So grab the kids, call the neighbors, and crank those puppies up to 1080i because trust me, you want to see every single piece of dandruff on Echowood's shoulders.
Shit, I still have room. Because I know Johnny would want me too, here are some links to the random mentions they make in the video.

• Raymond Chandler
• Sheep's Meadow
• Chastity Bono
• Public Option

The weather is turning. As I was out for a walk early this morning I saw my breath. A good sign. Fall is almost here.

As a swan song to the sticky summer, we bring you a tale of a dope that can't sleep, a suspected drug addict/salesman, and a mysterious air conditioner. It's a rip-roaring weird and wonderful Manhattan yarn. We did this one about 6 weeks ago and forgot about it, but the story still stands. A little goodbye to the heat and to my sweaty misery.

Then Adam and I discuss what is the worst thing ever witnessed on the streets of New York. They are both awful. And amazing. And ... awful.



"Buy the ticket. Take the ride."

Oh, friends do we have a treat for you. Our former boss David Letterman has been in the news for some stuff. Little did we know, that these revelations of infidelity were going to push more stories to the surface. Like a sebaceous cyst being extracted on YouTube. It's just as messy and stinky.

We too, were "victims" of Mr. Letterman's sexual prowess. We were abused. Seduced. But gently loved. You won't believe the stories. (For good reason...)



We hope you will also celebrate The Return of the Stache! Ironically creeping out the kids since 2005!

This episode was taped at near the Conservatory Water in our beloved Central Park. If you're in town and have your model sailboat, come on down to the Conservatory Water. We'd love to have you.

After a couple feel-good, Baierman-centric mailbag episodes, it's time for a good old fashioned 3 Chords & the Truth rant.

For this childish episode, I let DJ's have it with both barrels. I hate DJ's. Hate them. Nobody enjoys what they do as much as they do. It's like cheerleading. The only people getting excited are the cheerleaders themselves. Fair warning, I'm fired up in this one. Adam humors me while I shoot out my theory there is no such thing as a good remix. It's an oxymoron. Like jumbo shrimp or reality television. We also give a plug to The Pieces of Eight Shop at Disneyland.



Adam mocks my Tibetan skull necklace that I purchased from an old refugee at a Greenwich Village street-fair. Why he would mock the poor and oppressed people of Tibet is beyond me. It's a beautiful culture. Not cool. Free Tibet Echowood!

As the light fades in Thompkins Square Park, we continue the viewer mailbag (Part 1) from a place we thought had better lighting. Turns out there's just more rats.

Then we attempt to answer a question which has been discussed in YBNBY Forums for a while; douchebags and the origins of douchebaggery.

Plus, I admit to an embarrassing metrosexual transgression. And Johnny learns something new thing about Echowood.

This 3 Chords has a little something for everybody. Just press play.

From a rapidly darkening Thompkins Square Park, Johnny and Echowood, along with special guest star Baierman bring you part 1 of The 3 Chords & the Truth Mailbag. We discuss the New York City rat population, Serena Williams' blow up, and a host of other questions.

We answer more questions on next week's episode, so stay tuned.

Adam and I have a couple 3 Chords & the Truth episodes already in the can. They are currently at the post-production facility getting remastered, adding special effects and dubbing my voice. Yeah, you hear my raspy baritone in each episode, but without the overdub from a professional voice artist, I sound like Mike Tyson tickling Kerri Strug.

Next week, we will be joined by fan-favorite Baierman to shoot a couple more episodes. A man who is equally loved by young co-eds and old felons.

We would like to do another mailbag episode or three. So, if you have a question for us to answer wrong and stupidly, a topic you would like discussed or a story you would like to hear, pop them in the comments. We'll have Raoul print them out and do our best not to botch the lot of them.

Have a good weekend.

While my guitar gently weeps,

JW

At this point we should offer an apology. Having done 20 episodes of 3 Chords means we've wasted a lot of your time. Instead of building houses for poor people, reading your children a story, or shaving your back, you chose to spend 20 episodes with us. I'd like to say that we saved a special and enlightening episode for number 20, but we didn't. We didn't even come close.

From a super-secret underground bunker, Johnny and Adam discuss their run in with a woman in distress and how their actions defined who they were as people. They also roll around on chairs.

At the end of summer, and with Obama's summer reading list as an influence, Johnny and Adam discuss what they read this past summer. From Adam reading Cemetery Dance and Three Cups of Tea to Johnny's Biography of the Elephant Man and World War Z ... all genres are covered.

You'll also notice the intense wind we encountered during the taping. This is no doubt due to our Audio guy (Raoul) leaving early to stand in line for tickets to Julie & Julia. I went through and transcribed the show on the following page.

Cazart!

From a pier in the West Village, Adam drops a dime on our potential super-Secret-Squirrel project. Sort of. It's cryptic.

In this pathetic episode, I share my theory that hospitals should have a 3 person name spelling committee. The committee would have the power to overrule phonetically incorrect spelling/idiotic of a newborn's name. This would put an end to the horrible "creative spelling" that has infected America like the monkeypox. No more Lisa spelled Lyssaa. Your name is still just Lisa.



Penn Jillette really did name his kid Moxie CrimeFighter. And I'll apologize for Adam slagging readers named Crystal. Sorry, love. He started it.

I'm calm like a bomb...

In this episode of 3 Chords & the Truth, Adam and Johnny discuss Adam's idea to build giant mirrors on the New Jersey side of the Hudson River, Plaxico Burress's prison consultant, being arrested for stupid, and how Johnny would decorate his prison cell.

As you'll no doubt notice, this particular day was rather windy. And because the entire budget for 3 Chords & the Truth is spent on Johnny's candy addiction, we don't have money for better equipment. And while we aren't ones to panhandle on the internet, if you happen to be a multi-millionaire and want to throw some cash our way for a new high-def camera and lavalier mics, we'd be appreciative. We could also use some new televisions, a car, a pool table, and some hooker money.