vs.

What's more embarrassing?

- Have you seen the new flexible video screen from Sony. One more step to all of us being walking tv screens.
- Forbes 10 hottest billionaire heiresses. I've met #5. One attempt at being a kept man down, nine more left.
- How come when there's a top ten drug addict flicks, they never include Michael Keaton from Clean & Sober?
- Another really interesting one courtesy of GMask. Check out ten failed tv pilots you've probably ever heard of.
- And you may ask if the world is ready for President Thompson. I ask if it's ready for the first trophy lady.

YesButNoButYes...when important shit is happening, we're usually covering something else.

vs.

Who rocks the Countdown harder?

YesButNoButYes...the greatest pop culture blog on the planet, or maybe not.

And how do we pay tribute to the best pop culture stories? We slap'em on a t-shirt.

- In her next flick, Lindsay Lohan will soon play a stripper. And guess what...she's pretty damn good at it.
- From beauty to the beast...check out some of the hardest hitting knockouts ever, courtesy of Butterbean.
- The pistol shrimp can shoot a blast of water at a speed of 100 km/h, as hot as the sun. Ummm...holy crap.
- This Scrubs More Than a Feeling air guitar clip combine two things I love...cheesy sitcoms and cheesy rock.
- And with the Google Maps Street View setting, I can almost see inside my apartment...just a little creepy.

vs.

Who's tougher?

So, the blog's been kicking around for about two and a half years now. And I'd say in that time, I've had ten, maybe twenty, posts that were worth a damn. The rest have been self-indulgent musings about things practicaly no one else cares about, lists made for the sake of making lists, product reviews that collectively a half dozen people have read, reports on the whereabouts of every b-list celebrty from the seventies, and political rants that serve no other purpose than to keep me from screaming out my window. How's that for a sales pitch.

Speaking of those political rants, here's one now...pundits make me sick. They boil important issues down to three word catch phrases. They seal their point by screaming the loudest and talking over the other guy. And in the end, they're all just pretty mean-spirited people. (My name's Jellio, and I speak in sweeping generalizations)

Regarding the man-spirited thing, back in September of '05, I asked Mike, a friend of the blog, to help program a game that would seal the point in my eyes, but in hindsite was just stating the obvious in a "we get it already" kind of way. I'm reposting it now because 1) Mike put alot of work into it, and did a great job, and 2) any day I can ridicule Ann Coulter is a good day. So take a look at a mindless little matching game we created called Classic Condemnation (reference to the 70's gameshow, Classic Concentration. Christ, I'm old) and see what took up many hours of my time about two years ago...before I upgraded the level of my posts to flying squirrel videos.

- First rule of astronaut fight club...don't mess with Buzz Aldrin, because he may just go medieval on your ass.
- Speaking of fight club, you don't really know pain until you've had a pocket protector shoved up your dirty place.
- And the Lord told Noah to take two of every endangered species (and some bear paws), and go make some real cash.
- Only 2 more episodes left. So many whackings to commit...so little time. How 'bout a look back at the death count.
- And how many Leias does it take to screw a big fat frog-looking thing. Those Star Wars kids know how to party.

vs.

What's better?

Can you write one WITHOUT stating the obvious?

My first contribution to Retro Week is all about an honorary YesBut writer who brought new meaning to the the word disgruntled. In fact, if they didn't know who the Virginia Tech gunman was, I might have sent in an anonymous tip.

His name was Johnny Chicago, and in YesBut's early days, when we had about three comments per month, Johnny's were always the most entertaining. Johnny was pissed off about almost everything, but his rage had a certain flair that you don't see in the average rants. We enjoyed Johnny so much, we wanted to make him a permanent contributor, but couldn't because we thought he'd get us on some gov't watch list, or something. Johnny left the blog as abruptly as he entered (subtlety was never his strength) and our communal blood pressure hasn't been as high, since.

Last year, Scaramouch gathered some of Johnny's best lines into one post, for all readers who hadn't had the pleasure. So let's take one last look at the very best of an early YesBut friend...Johnny Chicago.

(And Johnny, if you're still reading, it was Scara who wouldn't let you on, the rest of us were all for it. So please stop with the fake anthrax packages. The police have better things to do.)

- Rosie tapes video response wearing doo-rag, grateful dead bracelet and peace shirt. So go plant a tree.
- Apple furious over new sex toy called iGasm. I'm shocked...there's a sex toy YesBut hasn't covered yet?
- Trashball...for only 25 cents, you get a genuine piece of something someone else threw out...art, I guess.
- Coming soon to Times Square...a 6 legged cow and 24 shrunken heads. No, not the Church of Scientology.
- And the Real Time season finale featured a Smorgasbord of Suck, and some good advice for Jimmy Carter.

You've probably read about the Saatchi campaign for Doc Martens using dead rockers, and the subsequent firing of aforementioned agency for releasing "non-commisioned" work. If you haven't...here.

I only bring it up because I just found a site with all four ads, and Joey Ramone now has a home on my desktop. A constant reminder of how even from the afterlife, Kurt, Joe, Sid and Joey can manage to wreak havok on a little slice of corporate America. aaahhhhhhhhhh.

According to Lostpedia, via Gothamist, the paper reads as follows:

"The body of John Lantham of New York was found shortly after 4 am in the 4300 block of Grand Avenue. Ted Worden, a doorman at the Tower Lofts complex, heard loud noises coming from the victim’s loft. Concerned for tenants’ safety, he entered the loft and found the body hanging from a beam in the living room. According to Jaime Ortiz, a police spokesman, the incident was deemed a suicide after medical tests. Latham (sic) is survived by one teenaged son. Memorial services will be held at the Hoffs-Drawlar Funeral Home tomorrow evening."

John who?

a bird poops on the President.

- I admit, I've proposed some ideas that, in retrospect, really sucked. But not 30 million dollar ones.
- How did I miss this? Recently, Howard admitted he has put a gun in his mouth and considered firing.
- Have you ever bought a six pack of beer just because the bottle was really cool. Me neither. But this...
- Beans, beans good for your heart. And good to squish, too. It's just a mindless little flash animation.
- And can you read Jack's newspaper clipping? This and many other screenshots at Lost Eastereggs.

- A new Rosie & Elizabeth fight video over Bushie (with Joy chiming in for fun) It's long but it's good.
- The top ten That's What She Said Star Wars moments. Who thinks this crap up? I really like it.
- Richard Serra is a guy who makes big, I mean really big, metal sculptures. And he's coming to MOMA.
- Finally...Harold and Kumar are coming back for round two. And yes...Doogie's coming with them.
- And last weekend's SNL digital short featured what I think is the first dog on guy tongue of the year.

- Let's start with a fight between an ex-Marine drill sargeant and Screech. This is pretty funny.
- Haven't posted a time waster lately. Here's something pointless. Fire Gonzo out of a cannon.
- They're creepy, they're crawly, and they're horny. They're Brood 13, and they want to mate.
- Men get dumber than women as they age. I don't buy it for a...what was I talking about, again?
- And get in the season finale mood with your video iPod. Apple has just released a new Lost game.

From SuicideFood.com...dedicated to animals taking joy in their own demise.

(just might skip lunch today)

- Check out Songs for Ice Cream Trucks. I think this is what serial killers play before they go to work.
- From the what-the-frick files...Anyone know what a collective string web is? Brooklyn can be really weird.
- This may be old, but I just found out about drawball.com, and I can't stop watching the playback feature.
- Does anyone else think it's a little ironic that the Republican frontrunner is a Massachusetts flip-flopper.
- And last week's New Rules featured Mr. Romney wearing a funny hat, and the best closing joke all year.

Feeling slightly vindicated today...weeks ago I said AJ wouldn't last through the last season. And while he proved too incompetent to get the job done, being wheeled into the rubber room lookin all stugots is almost as good.

And what about the American History X tribute? Did anyone else turn away?

- Carter calls Bush worst in history, Bush calls Carter irrelevant. Candy calls Paris immature...
- This can't be real, right? They had to set up a camera under the tracks...or be really hammered.
- OK, you have a bee movie coming out, but you also have eleventy billion dollars. Is this necessary?
- I was gonna write a post about being really tired of the throat guy, then AdFreak beat me to it.
- And this weekend's tv funhouse clip was worth it just for Gore's laser show or Barack's real name.

Back at school, the good life frat down the row had a shirt printed up one Spring Party Weekend that read...The world is run by C students.

Here's one now...Lil' Bush. Coming soon to Comedy Central.

Surely, someone here can do better than that.

- Hillary needs your help. Does she go with the cover of the Monkey's tune...or the Jesus Jones hit.
- In one of the funniest (and gayest) bits to ever appear on Conan, three guys compare belly buttons
- Christopher Hitchens basicaly pees all over Jerry Falwell's coffin. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
- Hundreds turn out for a Bloomberg gun giveaway in the home state of Virginia Tech...priceless.
- And Bob Barker's finally leaving, after nearly four hundred years on tv. But first...these thoughts.

Anyone out there watch Heroes? If you like watching the bad guys go down hard, you weren't disappointed last night.

So, what do we think? Does New York blow up next week, or doesn't it?

- We can make you better, faster, stronger, hotter...Jamie Sommers comes back to the small screen this fall.
- A great clip from last week's SNL. Big Boobed Einstein and Chesty Churchill save the world...along with Lassie.
- You've probably seen the photo, but here's the bit it was for. How many Spidermen can fit in a Jamba Juice?
- Anyone ever read Advergirl? Well she called it quits. Apparently blogging takes way too much time. Hey, no shit.
- And what do Giants fans hope for at Cowboys-Eagles games? An earthquake. This clip reminded me of that joke.

- Call it open source, call it co-creation, or call it unashamedly cheesy, it's the 999 Borats project.
- But if you do want to play along, and Borat's just a little too much effort, how about an MTV logo?
- Hey...Amy and Joey are going on a date. Who said these two crazy kids could never make it work.
- Any Guy Ritchie fans? Check out a video compilation of funny lines from a really good flick...Snatch.
- And the SNL Sally O'Malley Sopranos sketch included a tv first, involving a certain desert mammal.

And speaking of the Sopranos...holy crap, was that a good episode.

Thoughts?

Photo via BubbleGum Fink.

- I can honestly say I've never seen a horny dolphin...until now. And why is the guy so into it?
- Speaking of animals doing weird shit. In a battle between a cat and a turtle, who normally wins?
- One for all the New Yorkers in the crowd. For your next party, how does a crawfish boil sound?
- From the bizarre tv spot files, does the potential loss of apendages drive many people to join a gym?
- And it's good the be the Colbert. At least, when Jane Fonda's in town. Wonder what the wife will say.

- Jared Fogle, of Subway sandwich fame, ran a porn rental service out of his dorm room. That's awesome.
- Ear wax problem? No time to waste. You only have a few short hours to buy a single Q-tip for $40.00.
- Next on the "I'm sorry I didn't do anything to stop the war, now buy my book" tour is the Daily Show.
- Jack Sparrow or Borat...Who would you rather pay $10.00 to watch sing We are the Champions?
- And you know what 5,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean is...right? This billboard confirms it.

- I was never a Transformers guy. But the thought of Shia Lebouef squished by a robot intrigues me.
- Satan dating Ann Coulter...no big surprise. Speaking through Nickleback...that caught me off guard.
- But...I need to know what the giant four-toed statue thingie is...I can't wait for three more years.
- I've been a Patton Oswalt fan for years. Watching his bit about KFC Famous Bowls should tell you why.
- And even without Helen Hunt and a flying cow, this may be the coolest tornado video I've ever seen.

- This didn't take long. Edward Norton will be the new Hulk. And he'll have Liv Tyler at his side.
- And speaking of super heroes. Did anyone doubt Spiderman was gonna make a bazillion dollars?
- Ever wanted to see Kate Moss twisted into a pretzel? Take a walk to the Mary Boone Gallery.
- So, the Rocket is back in New York. Next deal...Goose Gossage and Sparky Lyle for the bullpen.
- And Sean Penn makes a beautiful statement about everyone in the current administration.

- Never too young to start counting friends. Now it's Disney's turn at the social network thing.
- In the universe of odd things to build, I'll bet a mechanical spider ranks in the top two or three.
- Reality tv jumps the shark. Coming soon, sixteen idiots dress up as pirates in search of treasure.
- Now here's a fun one to watch. The top ten bombers in movie history. Pleasant dreams everybody
- And from last night's debate, three candidates raise their hand to the question "Are you retarded?"

- Why do I love it so much when someone drops an F-bomb in the middle of the news. Must be the reactions.
- Did you know you could buy Manhattan if your movie is big enough? Hey, it's Spiderman week in New York.
- I don't usually shill for M&M's, except when they reproduce the Addams Family in candy-coated chocolate.
- Speaking of candy, check out a commercial for a chocolate egg that escaped from one of my nightmares.
- And the Daily Show looks at the World Bank, using sock puppets, a throne of skulls and the Kharmometer.

- Hey, we appear to be sponsoring a porn podcast. Cool...our transformation is nearly complete.
- The Webby winners have been announced, and once again...maybe we need more porn content.
- Tonight on Lost, we see how Ben caught Locke's dad. And speaking of Ben, go to 6:00 in this video.
- Courtesy of GMask...You gotta love that a story on the most exotic brands of weed is on Forbes.com.
- And Bill Maher on bassett hounds, Republican infatuation with Reagan, and a cross-dressing mayor.

- Did you know fired US attorney David Iglesias was the inspiration for A Few Good Men? Check him out on Real Time.
- We may have linked to this before, but I don't care. How often do you get a chance to operate on a stuffed bunny?
- Christopher Hitchens on God, on the Daily Show. I usually can't stand the guy, but then there are times when ...
- I thought Shia Labeouf's SNL bit, Dear Sister was funny. A friend of mine thought I was high. What do you think?
- And a hero for speaking out, or a coward for staying quiet...what did you think of George Tenet on 60 Minutes?