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{ Recent posts by Ivo Shandor }
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The End of YesButNoButYes - Goodbye from Ivo Shandor
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It doesn't seem fair for me to eulogize YesButNoButYes, as I was primarily a reader and only a writer on the site for a short time. I'm sure the other - more seasoned - writers will have more profound and romanticized things to say about this site's demise. Instead of expounding on the injustices of death and those it leaves behind, I'd like to share with you a list of things I'll miss.
  • I'll miss Scaramouch's face staring at me from the sidebar. More than any other "contradictors," his eyes always seems to be looking into my soul.
  • A world without Johnny's "monkey news" doesn't seem like a world I want to live in.
  • Though we assume it's a careful recipe of AXE products, Echowood has never fully revealed what he puts in his hair each morning.
  • I'll miss Miss Cellania for being the one woman who silently kept it all together among these heathens, and still managed to put up some amazing articles featuring boobies.
  • I'm not sure I'll miss Baierman. As he seems to have been the only one writing on this site for the past few months, he's given me more than enough to go back and reread over the next year.
  • Finally, I'll miss heading into my architecture firm, firing up my computer, and clicking on my bookmarked YesButNoButYes link each morning. The web will be a lonelier place without this site.
As the first (former) writer to sign off, I'd like to thank you for reading. I leave you with this quote from an old friend of mine:
"Death is but a doorway, time is but a window. I'll be back."
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Vigo the Carpathian (Suitable for Framing)
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It's been awhile, I know. But I came across this high res image of seventeenth century Moldavian tyrant, Vigo the Carpathian and thought I'd share it with you. Vigo was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered by his subjects in 1610 at the age of 105. He was known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. Before his head died he uttered the words "Death is but a door, time is but a window, I'll be back."

This means his image is probably something you'll want to hang above your fireplace. (Clicking on the image links to the super-huge version)
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The Traveller Has Come
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I think I can go now. Just needed to do a couple of things. I needed to help someone; I think I did ... You sleep now. Everything will be different in the morning.
With that, I bid YesButNoButYes adieu. I've had a great couple of months coming up with stupid videos and articles I thought you'd enjoy. But with Echowood back in action and with an unexpected offer to do some research on magnesium-tungsten alloy out of the country - this will be mostly my last post. Scaramouch has been kind enough to leave the door open should I find myself in possession of a video of a guy getting hit in the saddlebag by a baseball, or another audio tape of Echo and Johnny's Gay Vacation. Thanks for reading.
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Google's New Phone
Screw the Nexus One, you need Google's newest phone: The Fuck You iPhone. Using Google's advanced technology, the phone ruins the lives of the tools who own iPhones.

(Audio is NSFW, unless you work on the docks)
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Dude, Where's My Bow?
Somewhere, Bruce Wayne is pissed. Fans of Whale Wars or the Whale Wars spoof on South Park know of the long standing fight between the crew of the Sea Shepherd and the Japanese Whale "Researchers." Things got amped up a bit as the Sea Shepherd's new trimaran, the Ady Gil, lost 10 feet off it's bow when the Shonan Maru ran into it. No one was killed, and only one crew member suffered broken ribs.
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Adam Carolla Breaks Down the Douchebag Phenomenon
Adam Carolla breaks down why hot chicks date douchebags on his podcast.

(Via @OLMoney)
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The Deadline Poster
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You see an unfortunate coincidence, I see an ideal marketing tie-in. According to RadarOnline, Redbox is pulling all of these posters from their kiosks.

(via The Superficial)
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The (Best) Phantom Menace Review
The last time I spent 70 minutes doing anything, I wound up naked, covered in chocolate and being yelled at in an Eastern European language. However, you'll find the 70 minutes you spent watching this intricately detailed and obscenely funny review of The Phantom Menace to be well worth it. If nothing else, it's much more entertaining than the film.

Parts II-VII after the jump.
Continue reading "The (Best) Phantom Menace Review"...
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Thanks For Fucking Us Too, Tiger
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Dear Tiger Woods,
You had to go and ruin it for the rest of us, didn't you? We had a pretty good agreement, and you took a fiber-rich dump all over it. You see, before your 14+ indiscretions, us "normal" guys were never questioned by our significant others when we "went out for some beers with the guys" or "drove to Home Depot for some wood." We were trusted. After all, with you on our side with your crystal clear morals and love of family, you were a reflection of what our girlfriends and wives loved in us. Now they think we're noodling the waitress from Bennigan's.

And we are. The "nice guy" routine was our cover. But you hit that one past the rough, the cart path, and into the damn parking lot. Every move we make is pondered, studied, and run past our girl's friends. Sure, we may not have been banging strippers (without condoms no less) but that chick from the Post Office was pretty spectacular at licking our postage stamps, despite the enormous mole on her chin.

So, on behalf of the guys you screwed over who are more concerned with losing our mortgages than our Gatorade sponsorships, I want to say thanks.

Ivo
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Tiger Woods is Above Average
I was unsure about this one until I heard the phrase, "Sometimes I go to Big Lots - pick up the biggest girl I can find - get her to call a dog the n-word until I come." That's just comedy gold.
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I Need a Handjob
They're going to sell millions of these things. I'm hoping my girlfriend or mother gives me a Handjob for Christmas!
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How They Made the City Harvest Video
Whoops - it seems as if the process is more entertaining than the result. I'd previously shared a video from City Harvest which featured millions of apples dumping out of subway cars here in New York City. It was cute, but how they filmed the video (on an iPhone no less) is more entertaining.
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City Harvest Viral Video
I'm all for viral videos, especially when they promote good causes like City Harvest. But I'd appreciate finding better actors to play "real" people.

(Via Gothamist)
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3 Chords & the Truth: The Phone Call
When calling into the YesButNoButYes home office, the caller is told by a recording that all calls may be monitored and recorded. Two of our feuding writers seemed to have missed that warning completely. Johnny called Echo this morning to discuss their fight in private. Happily, I found the recorded copy of this phone call and put it on YouTube for all to enjoy.

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They're Coming to Get Us!
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Grab your shotguns, canned foods, and tin-foil hats because that image above is real. Photographed and videotaped by thousands of people in Norway hundreds of miles apart from each other, there has been no official explanation as to what the spiral actually is or if it's some elaborate joke. (There's a video and more photos here).

(Via Gizmodo)
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