I'd love to say a simple "goodnight" drop the mic and walk off stage. Sadly, I'm not cool enough to pull that off. Also, I owe too much to this site to go out like that. Any forum that lets you invent terms like "hemorrhoid licking butt nugget" deserves more. Instead, you're getting a long goodbye. Details. Secrets revealed. But a short send-off would be badass...

We're sad to see the passing of television star Gary Coleman. Indeed life is too short. And we'd never poke fun at someone's death, especially if that person was an 80's sitcom star. But we can't help but wonder (SATC 2 playing in a theater near you this weekend) the irony of dying via something that was spelled out in the name of your television show. Thomas Gallant and I were going back and forth on IM discussing the potential ways other 80s sitcom stars might take the final bow in accordance with the name of their show.

• Alan Thicke dies of calf cramps
• Kim Fields goes while having rough sex
• Justine Bateman bites it through improper use of neckwear
• Mark Paul Gosselaar killed during an accident at the Liberty Bell
• Candace Cameron bled to death as a result of a paper cut in Las Vegas
• Patrick Duffy falls down three flights of stairs
• Ricky Schroeder chokes on an eating utensil made from a precious metal
• Kadeem Hardison dies in an explosion during a chartered flight to Mars

I'm sure you sick bastards can think of more. With my ticket to Hades in hand, I ask that you let 'em rip in the comments section.

Read that title again. Our dreams of the 2015 portrayed in Back to the Future II just got one step closer to reality. French artist Nils Guadagnin has done what modern science could not do.

He built a working hoverboard.

According to this article from Gizmodo:

The board floats through simple electromagnetism, but the more brilliant part of the design seems to be a laser stabilization system that, we're assuming, dynamically adjusts the magnets to keep the board afloat under duress.

Ladies and gentlemen, consider the crisis of what to get me for Christmas next year solved.

This will come as a surprise to most of you, but I regularly use (and broadcast the use of) AXE products. AXE has been nice enough to send me on some amazing trips, ply me with free product, and offer up prizes for many contests we've run here. Looking back over my tenure on this blog, the pieces I've written with an AXE-flavor are some of my favorite. I figured a retrospective on my affiliation with AXE is in order.

• In Search of Girl Approved Hair
• Man Made Mad Men
• Undie Run Challenge
• California Dreamin'
• The Hamptons Trip (Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V)
• Twisted Humor
• The Leather Party
• Clean Your Balls
• Dirty Contest Alert!

I have TONS of AXE product to give away before this site shuts down for good. So I've devised a little contest. AXE is known for their interesting branding and product names. (Rise, Twist, etc...) In the comments section below, come up with the best name (and ingredients) for an AXE product. I'll pick a handful of those I deem the best and most clever and send them some AXE products.

Let 'er rip.

With this post, I mark (probably) the last geographic article I'll post on YesButNoButYes. Along with my strange maps and fictional maps, it's time to break out the photographic maps. More directly, heat maps of where photos are taken in major cities based on the geotagging of photos. I'm both happy and sad to see a large blank spot around my neighborhood. It's been said before, but nothing interesting ever happens on the Upper West Side.

(Note: the girls above are not the sorority girls featured in this article. In fact, they may not actually be in a sorority. Some of them may not even be girls. That wouldn't stop me from wanting to bang one, two or all of them.)

Let me make sure I'm reading this right. Have to make sure I get all the facts correct. The Alpha Xi Delta sorority from Miami University in Ohio had their spring formal at the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center. OK, strange place for a college party, but I'll buy it. Things went quickly downhill as drunken college students destroyed a museum dedicated to remembering a horrible time in America's past and some of the efforts a few good people worked for to circumvent slavery.

The list of indiscretions reads like an itinerary from my last family reunion. Granted the staff at the museum should receive some of the blame for inviting a sorority into their facility. That's like bringing an alligator into a nursery school and flipping out when it clamps down on a 2 year-old's head. Nevertheless, you're going to want to check out this letter from the museum.

Snakes does it again. I hate to use the term "Amaze-balls" because it's become a cliché. So let's just say this video is "Fantasti-testes." That's how good it is. It's like eating Cherry Garcia while getting a blowy. It's like going to a beach featuring sand that doesn't stick to skin. It's like finding out the girl you're dating is actually a princess and she wants you to move to her castle, take fencing lessons, and have people wait on you all day while you sit by the pool and drink goblets of bacon flavored red wine.

Looking for a spacious 5 bedroom, 3.5 bath house with a finished basement and river views? The above house can be yours for the low low price of $1,150,000. Also, and we hesitate to mention this, but there's a small caveat. Potentially, you may wind up killing your entire family and/or being haunted by ghosts. The house that inspired the Amityville Horror novel and films is for sale. (Check out the listing here) It was in this house that Ronald DeFeos killed six family members while they were sleeping in 1974. Afterward, future owners George and Kathleen Lutz claimed the house was haunted, a tale which became the inspiration for the novel.

(Via Gothamist)

Dear Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof,
Thanks for turning me all emotional during last night's Lost finale, but without actually having any idea why I was emotional. For six years of my life, I've wasted so much brain power trying to figure out what was going on that I lost all of 1994 from my memory. Still, I stuck it out through the end and feel like I should get some sort of medal. Or at the very least the entire box set in Blu-Ray.

For those of you unsettled by the ending of the show last night, they offered some alternate versions for your enjoyment.

We've reached the conclusion of the last 3 Chords and the Truth mailbag. Baierman and I answer some more questions, and discuss some of our future plans. (We also finish off the bottles)

After an absence of many weeks, 3 Chords and the Truth returns! Baierman and I asked for some questions from readers and we answered them in Part I of reader mail. (Part II will come later this week). Thanks for everyone who sent in questions, we made every attempt to answer all of them.

A few years ago, my girlfriend spent a month working in Seattle. She asked me to take care of her plants and bring in her mail - which I did. But it also gave me a chance to get back at her for leaving me for a month. I did some bad things to her apartment. Some really bad things. She didn't speak to me for a few weeks after that. She eventually got over it because I have a huge penis and I'm fun at parties.

She was out in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, and then spent some time in Washington, DC. Now she's in the Dominican Republic without me because I have a real job and can't just fly off to exotic locales on a whim. And once again, she asked me to look after her apartment. And I did. These were the results.

(Click here for From the Air I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, Appendix, or Bonus)

And with this post, we mark the final edition of From the Air on YesButNoButYes. We've spanned the globe several times over, each time asking you to identify places on Google Maps. I'm amazed as most people think Americans can't identify Canada on a map. So it makes the wannabe cartographer inside me happy that you guys have enjoyed these challenges so much. Because this is the last challenge, I'm upping the ante a little bit. Whoever identifies the most locations gets free AXE products. (Trust me, I've got a lot) And unless the package ends up like Leo's which got lost somewhere over the Caribbean, you'll have products that'll keep you clean and smelling good no matter where you travel.

Without further ado, I present you with the final From the Air Challenge.

You probably have questions. Why are we shutting down the site? What are your plans after YesButNoButYes? Is it considered "gay" if you give your uncle a reach around, but he's dressed in lingerie and speaks in a high pitched voice? Well, Baierman and I are available to answer these questions (and more). We're taping a 3 Chords (san Johnny, who as far as we can tell is still building his Eddie Vedder Shrine made out of PVC pipes and vaseline) tomorrow night and we plan on answering some questions. So, in the comments section, let the questions fly. Remember, this may be the one and only chance you have left to ask us anything. So don't hold back.

My friend, and current star of CMT's Danger Coast, Jas Grocholski sends me the occasional video of his travels around the Caribbean on expensive boats. (His videos have been posted on this site before.) To say that he lives the good life would be a vast understatement. The life that Jas leads makes the Olsen Twins' jealous. So it's with envy and amazement that I give you Jas's latest video: The First Glass Days of Summer.