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The End Of YesButNoButYes - Homeless Frank on Death and Taxes

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(Note from Scaramouch: As part of our final celebrations, I reached out to past and present writers and asked them all to contribute a final story. For this one, despite rumors of his own demise, Razen managed to dig up Homeless Frank for one last thought piece. Enjoy)

Editor's Note - Homeless Frank lives in front of the building where I work. I pay him food in return for blog entries. For this one he got a pack of Parliaments and 2 bagels. I've corrected spelling and grammar; all thoughts belong to Frank.

Today Homeless Frank shares his thoughts on death and taxes.

Back in the late 80s when that dead asshole Reagan was still fucking with the world, I had a real job slinging hash and spit down at this Oyster Bar in Louisiana. There was another guy there named Shorty that mopped up, washed the dishes and stole shit from the freezer. Anyway, he use to deal in a little grass and I'd buy this nasty crap from him and smoke up behind the bar between cook orders.

Shorty sometimes joined me and he get fucked up and start talking 'bout his philosophies and how the world really worked. One conversation we had always stuck with me over the years.

He said "Frank , why you hit that waitress Ruth last night in the ear?"

"Cause she got mouthy and was disrespecting."

"Frank, if you had to hit every woman that was disrecptin' you'd have a full time job from now till the Holy Father was opening up them pearly gates for you."

I granted him that was true but then pointed out that I didn't have to hit them all, just the ones that were near me.

"True, true, but that one of them self fulfilling prophecies. Sure as a woman get near you, hear you talk and say something back, you gonna smack the shit out of her. After a while it would seem like no woman be wanting to get near you. That true?"

"Nope. I've found that where ever I go there's usually a mouthy woman within arms reach" I said.

"See?" Said Shorty, "That's my whole point 'bout the way things really work. God knows you got a temper and a fist, and he knows women got mouths on them. He knows you gonna smack them but he puts you and them together over and over again just to see if things happen differently. That's exactly what good and evil is all about. Just God being bored and doing experiments on us."

That whole thing 'bout God being bored really stuck with me over the years. Shorty may have had other thoughts but couple months later he got drunk and wrapped his car 'round a telephone pole. Next month I stole 60 bucks from the till and split outta there.

I ain't never paid taxes so I don't know nothing 'bout that.

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1 Comment

I think I've heard Shorty speak at one of my AA meetings ...

said Ben Lurkin on May 21, 2010 1:26 PM.
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