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The End Of YesButNoButYes - Goodbye from Echowood
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I'd love to say a simple "goodnight" drop the mic and walk off stage. Sadly, I'm not cool enough to pull that off. Also, I owe too much to this site to go out like that. Any forum that lets you invent terms like "hemorrhoid licking butt nugget" deserves more. Instead, you're getting a long goodbye. Details. Secrets revealed. But a short send-off would be badass...

On YesButNoButYes
At a svelte 125lbs in high school, with bad acne and zero self confidence, I wasn't what you'd call a "fighter." I was the kid getting shoved into lockers, having gum thrown in my hair, and getting picked on by the guys who managed to grow pubes, shave, and had seen girls naked. But something I realized early on was these mother fuckers were peaking. This was their limit - their heyday and one day I'd have my comeuppance. And while I couldn't fight back with my fists, I could definitely hit back with a few quick and well-timed verbal jabs.

This is who makes up YesButNoButYes and why I feel so at home here. We are the ones who saw the light early. We recognize the cheap jokes, but aim for the smarter ones. We don't (or usually don't) aim to insult, but aim to entertain. And we know a well placed joke cuts far deeper than any punch that can be thrown.

The world takes itself far too seriously, and it's institutions like YesButNoButYes that make it tolerable to live in. I will miss this site terribly; the other writers, the dick jokes and the ecological preserve we call the comments section. It was always the first site I visited each morning, and well... I was usually spanking it to something else at night. As sexy as Baierman is, his triple mugshot was never enough to get me off. But YesButNoButYes was, is and will continue to be a part of my life and something I was proud to be a part of. This may have been my heyday, I may have peaked here ... I just wish I'd been able to grow pubes.

The Origin of "Echowood"
I wish my internet name had a better origin story. Something cooked up in a Stan Lee-inspired biological accident. However, it was truly born out of necessity. The year was 1993 and AOL was exploding through 28.8k modems around the country. My parents let us sign up for the trial account, no doubt through one of the many CD-Roms of the service we received daily in the mail. Part of the sign-up process was to pick out a username.

echo_jungle.jpgMy french horn teacher (see above about not being cool), had the service and said usernames had to be awesome and not contain any numbers. They had to be original, inspiring, and full of hidden references. As he was a 29 year-old private french horn teacher who spent most of his days hanging out with 14 year-olds, I recognized his coolness factor immediately and took his advice with tremendous gravitas.

One of my favorite things, and potentially the only thing I'm good at is skiing. My parents took us skiing almost every weekend in the Winter, not so much to get us good at the sport, but so they'd have something to blame when we didn't have presents under the tree on Christmas morning.

"You wanted a new bike? Perhaps you should have thought about that when I was dragging your prepubescent ass up to Vermont for the weekend. Now get me another vodka and soda you ungrateful hemorrhoid licking butt nugget!"

We had friends who owned a house near Killington, and as a result spent most of the time skiing it's slopes. One slope in particular was called "Echowoods." I liked the name. To me it conveyed a snowy and haunted forest. Something you'd find in one of the fantasy novels I was reading, or on an island in my favorite video game at the time, Myst. And so, with serious debate and study, I decided on "Echowood" as my net handle.

I sure as shit didn't think it would stick around for more than 17 years.

And that is the boring, uninventive, drama-less tale of how I got stuck with this slightly pornographic, probably homoerotic net handle.

The "Gay" Issue
I get it. I have all the symptoms of being gay. I'm skinny. I dress well. I used to be in plays and can lose track of a Saturday while watching a Project Runway marathon. The question of my sexual orientation has followed me around since I was a kid. And I can honestly and truly tell you once and for all...

I'm not.

Never been, never will be. I just wasn't born gay. And, in fact, I actually do have an incredibly patient and forgiving girlfriend named Lindsey. We've been together for over two and a half years, she isn't inflatable, she wasn't ordered from Russia, but she is incredible. And here she is...
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In Conclusion
I sincerely appreciate everyone reading (and hopefully enjoying) the drivel I've put up since my first post back in April of 2007. Thanks to the other writers who kept me entertained daily, to the commenters who reduced my self esteem to the subatomic level and to the readers who, for one reason or another, enjoyed stories about homeless men shitting themselves on the subway.
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15 Comments

You've gotten me all misty, Echowood..

Even though my crush on you almost ended my marriage, I want to thank you for all of the laughs over the years.. when you're a desperate housewife with 4 kids, you need all of the laughs you can get ;)

All kidding aside, I've really enjoyed your posts and your sense of humor (although I never met anyone who talked about his penis as much as you do). I hope to meet you and Lindsey at some point and I promise not to try anything funny...

Scaramouch and I tossed around the idea of asking Lindsey to let us into your apartment so that we could do a "While Echowood Is Away.." post, but alas, we ran out of time.. I think it would have been pretty funny, though..

See you at the new website!

said Cindy on May 29, 2010 10:12 AM.

Wow, funny to see what Cindy has written as you almost ended my marriage as well. Your most recent revelation killed those plans though as well, because I'm a man. Being a dude, I know that your penile infatuation is normal, guys just like to talk about it. I've enjoyed your contributions over the years, well done and thanks. See you on the flop.

said LightsOut on May 29, 2010 1:52 PM.

Anybody else notice your first and penultimate posts feature pictures of Gary Coleman?

said Mr. Brightside on May 29, 2010 2:25 PM.

Mr. Brightside, I noticed that too.. What I really want to know is what is the story with the picture on this post?

said Cindy on May 29, 2010 2:34 PM.

Well said Echo.

Also, dang, Lindsey's got it going on. Good hustle homie.

said E on May 29, 2010 4:09 PM.

Anyone else found weird the fact that Echo decided to use a picture of Gollum holding an Absolute and say "my precious" instead of his pic?

said Leonardo Carvalho on May 29, 2010 8:31 PM.

Echowood, Salute..... and Thank You.


(Hello Lindsey, what are your thoughts on older men?)

said EffenIdontcare on May 29, 2010 10:55 PM.

We knew you were tough enough to take it when you had the guts to post your own picture in a caption competition, giving us the "come hither" look while shrouded in Laura Ashley sheets. Best of luck!

said Miss Cellania on May 30, 2010 12:12 PM.

I still have that picture.

I will always have that picture.

So ... I will always have hope.

said Tim on May 30, 2010 1:07 PM.

Sorry, Echo. That was kinda gay.

You're not gay.

I'm not gay either.

Thanks for the picture of Lindsey.

said Tim on May 30, 2010 1:08 PM.

OK, wait ... sorry. That wasn't cool at all. My apologies.

Ahem.

Adam, thanks for all the good times. I truly wish you the very best and will do my part to support you and the rest of the team in your new endeavor at The Desonesto Doctrine. I have always been amazed at the talent collected here and am sorry to see it end.

Oh well, they say you can't move forward if you're not willing to leave a little of the past behind. So ... onward!

... and please pass on to Lindsey my apologies for all the ribbing over the years. She never signed up for it, but got it anyway. She must be one helluva young lady. With her in the picture, your metamorphosis from nerd to bro is now complete. Nice job my friend. And my best to the both of you.

said Tim on May 30, 2010 1:18 PM.

The Commuting Suicide posts brought me to the sight and the comments kept me coming back! Thanks for all of the laughs. Oh I liked the articles too.

said Jonniewalker on May 30, 2010 3:08 PM.

Well this is the last chance for me to mock the Mangina. Im misting up a little over here. Thanks for the giggles, your posts were always a great mix of "are we SURE he's not gay" and "Holy shit what a misogynistic douchebag" which was nice and refreshing.
Best of luck with your next project.

said Evangeline on May 30, 2010 10:43 PM.

We're all our own island in Myst.

Thanks Echo-would. You've had me busting guts many a time. I know you're not gay simply because you had a problem buying tampons for your girlfriend at Target. A true gay guy would have been more than happy to buy feminine protection products.

Farewell, and keep up those verbal jabs!

said Vicky on June 1, 2010 12:09 PM.

Echo, you are the man. Thanks for the quality entertainment.
I hope all continues right between you and your lady, if it doesn't have her give me a call. :)
Best of luck my brotha,

Dave

said Dave on June 2, 2010 8:58 AM.
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