This will come as a surprise to most of you, but I regularly use (and broadcast the use of) AXE products. AXE has been nice enough to send me on some amazing trips, ply me with free product, and offer up prizes for many contests we've run here. Looking back over my tenure on this blog, the pieces I've written with an AXE-flavor are some of my favorite. I figured a retrospective on my affiliation with AXE is in order.
- In Search of Girl Approved Hair
- Man Made Mad Men
- Undie Run Challenge
- California Dreamin'
- The Hamptons Trip (Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V)
- Twisted Humor
- The Leather Party
- Clean Your Balls
- Dirty Contest Alert!
Let 'er rip.
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That's a terrible picture of an ax. You may as well have just used clipart.
California Sun Bath Gel
made with real Agave Tequila and Megan Fox's bath water (TM)
Now I'm feeling all self conscious about the axe photo. Thanks for calling me out on phoning this one in. I'm changing it.
Here's my idea:
Sizemore: A faint essence of vodka mixed with stripper.
Product name: "Crickets"
Ingredients: Essence of Ass Crickets
"Yea, I want some Axe Crickets action."
"Smellin of Lohan"
Basically its neat hooch.
Clinton:
The slight aroma of a cheap cigar, and taint ...
Eau de Heidi Fleiss - day old Sizemore (see above) and meth.
YBNBY shaving cream - Bacon Scent, Beer and with just a dab of Monkey Sweat.
Guido Beach Cologne - cheap fake tan scent mixed with cheap industrial hair gel scent.
Puppy dreams, lemon zest, and 1000% awesome juice - Chuck Norris's "Texas Breeze"
BP - Saltwater, oil and pelican carcasses.
Dock of the Bay, by Michael Bolton - musk, sea breeze, cedar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MriHyt8S2P4&feature=fvst
"Disco Fever" by Axe!
Aramis Cologne, Glitter, with a hint of Wild Turkey & Coke.
Paris:
Crispy Clap encrusted cum stained bed sheets and a bar of hotel soap.
"Now that's hot."
For the budget-minded:
Axe Intervention - smell like you just opened up a can of worms.
For the trendy:
Axe Spice - contains remnants from the Old Spice bottles left by the deceased of the local retirement home.
(formerly marketed as Axe Clueless)
Axe Elrose - contains a secret, time-lapse formula that includes one-part kickass rock singer, one-part vanishing act and one-part sad and no longer relevant.
Axe GOFF* - contains 100% Vedder sweat from Pearl Jam live.
*Get Outta my Fuckin' Face
Pelosi:
A mixture of spoiling yeast, dirty money and corruption with a dash of Alzheimers.
You have until 6pm EST tonight to get your submissions in. I'll pick the five best and send you some sweet AXE products. So get them in soon. Here's one I thought of on my way to work today:
The W - Smells of privilege and idiocy, with notes of alcohol and cocaine.