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5 New Ways to Punish Idiot Fans

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Years ago it was funny when people jumped on the field to wave flags, or get on the jumbotron, during a game. In fact, YBNBY has given praise to those glorious streakers in the past.

While we will always approved of female streakers, it's time for the rest of these idiots to get punished. After all, times have changed and what was once a funny act, is now dangerous.

Yesterday's tazing of a Phillies fan during a game is a good first step. It sends the right message to others willing to jump on the field. Namely, pain.

Similar steps in this direction must be taken. Here's 5 more ideas to help deter future fan interruptions.


From here on out, fans running on the field during sporting events will be considered "with intent to injure" and harm the players on the field.

The punishment must be swift and immediate.


Idea #1: The Pillory

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Fans who jump on the field are placed in an outfield pillory for the game. Here, other fans can pour beer, popcorn and whatever on them.

Also, if the fan is hit by a ball, puck or basketball, everyone in the stadium gets free nacho's!


Idea #2: Punishment by punch

Any fan running on the field shall hereby be subject to immediate punching by professional boxer or former professional boxer.

That's right, the transgressor will be taken in the back and punched by a trained heavyweight boxer. This not only sends a painful message, but it means the mug shot will serve as a nice deterrent.

Or, the fan will be required to fulfill community service at a local boxing ring as a sparring partner for a heavy-weight contender.

I think it'd go something like this, minus the Metallica.


Idea #3: Rodeo time! Roped and Tied

A fan running on the field is the perfect time to let the rodeo cowboys show their stuff. Therefore, from now on, when a fan hits the turf, the horse and his cowboy will be released for a good ol' fashion hog tie.

Bonus, once captured, the fan will be dragged from the field, still tied. Something like this I'd pay to see.


Idea #4: Clean up crew

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Grab an apron Mr. Running-on-the-Field-Guy, cause guess who's cleaning the bleachers and all the bathrooms. You.

And guess what? Shitters full.

Latrine duty is great punishment.


Idea #5: The Catapult

Let's make a slight change to the current legal stuff printed on the back of the ticket. "Any fan who enters the field of play will be subject to immediate ejection...by catapult."

This would seriously hurt.


It's only 5 ideas, but it's a start. Oh, and if you haven't seen the video of the Phillies fan being tazed, watch and enjoy


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3 Comments

They should have the Phillie fanatic round these guys up. The crowd would love it. He could tase the bro and then throw his dumb ass in a dumpster and cart it off.

said E on May 4, 2010 3:39 PM.

BTW, that top pic is a great shot. They could just post this pic around the stadium and say, 'Do you want to be this chump? Think twice before running onto the field.'

said E on May 4, 2010 3:41 PM.

The video for the taser take-down is pretty impressive too. the guard nailed the guy at about 50 feet running.
My vote is for the rodeo method. I would pay to see that part alone :D

said heather.epp on May 5, 2010 5:16 PM.
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