There is a film coming out called Hot Tub Time Machine. Easily the most literal, non-cryptic movie title since Snakes on a Plane.
Maybe it would be helpful if every film title was this easy to decipher. Make it a lot easier on everyone.
For example:
Raiders of the Lost Ark = Archaeologist Fights Nazi's with Bullwhip to Find The Ark of the Covenant
Hoosiers = White Guys Beat Black Guys In Basketball
It's a Wonderful Life = Man Thinks His Life Would Be Better If He Was Dead; It Isn't
Tootsie = Ugly Actor Gets Roll As Ugly Woman
The Wild Bunch = Guys Shoot Guys
The Sixth Sense = Bruce Willis Is Dead; Kid Sees Him
Oceans's 11 = Charming Criminals Steal From Bad Casino Owner
A River Runs Through It = Brothers Go Fishing In Montana
The Big Lebowski = Pothead Bowler Wants His Pissed On Rug Replaced
And finally,
The Matrix Reloaded = We Haven't a Freaking Clue What's Going On
Can you top mine? Of course you can...
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Thank you, JW, thank you VERY MUCH.
After all these since they produced and relased The Sixth Sense, I've never had the perfect state of spirit to watch this, which can be named M. Night Shy-Himalayan's best work of art from behind the cameras. This Staurday I felt like I had it...
So then I downloa..ops...rented a copy, and then started watching it, but due to unfinished business I had to postpone the second half of the film for tonight.
What's my surprise when I read the following --> The Sixth Sense = Bruce Willis Is Dead; Kid Sees Him.
You have just spoiled the film's end. Damn right, you did it.
Thank you for ruining all these years of mental evaluation in order to receive this inspirational gem disguised as a film. Thank you for ruining half my life.
Hate you...
I'm sorry Leo.
There's this film called Titanic, at the end, the boat sinks.
I'll watch myself for the rest of the week.
JW
Clearly, this should be approached like "Name That Tune". For example: "Lonely Tycoon Misses Florist-Endorsed Winter Conveyance of Youth"
I'll forgive you if you watch Titanic the whole week. On VHS.
In time... I went to the cinema to watch it three times --I had a reason, I swear-- but in the end I was happy to see that in all the three times I watched, the boat sank and DiCaprio died. Hooray!
"In Massive Post-Apocalyptic Mulligan, Latex Monkeys Recapitulate Human History, Capture and Strip NRA President"
Michael has a good twist on the game. I'm going to guess Citizen Kane.
But that was really well worded.
JW
Pretty Woman - Rich business man meets sassy hollywood hooker, takes her shopping and wifes her up.
7 - Literalist serial killer uses 7 deadly sins as motif.
Natural Born Killers - what goes on in Oliver Stone's drug addled brain.
Die Hard 1-Whatever - Things get blowed up! Yippie Kie Yay!
It was the word "motif" that made that art.
1. Nun becomes nanny to a rich man's children and teaches them to sing so they can evade Nazi rule.
2. Severely burned man invades teenagers nightmares and kills them.
3. Dances with Wolves in space and in 3D.
Ohm and where would a movie like Clue fit on this list?
Scrappy young boxer gets a chance to fight the Champ. Damn near wins.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure = Teenage Idiots Use Time Traveling Phone Booth To Do Procrastinated School Project: Billy the Kid Was There
Isreali slave goes under disguise as Roman hero; learns to drive chariots in order to murder childhood friend and meet Jesus.
Hilarious, Tim.
Phantom Menace: George Lucas goes and ruins your favorite childhood movie experience.
"My Dinner With Andrew"="My Dinner With Andre"
Damn. Forget the "w", just "Andre". Lame humor ruined.
William wins. Not sure we can top that. I doff my rumpled fedora to that one, pally...
JW
From viewers of The Hangover comes Hot tub time machine.
Thanks, JW. How about ...
Woman drags her suddenly undead, uncaring husband around the globe in an attempt to track down her ex-boyfriend. She finds the poor S.O.B. in a gin joint and quickly start positioning for another psychotic fling. Man finally has to murder a Nazi and make friends with the French in order to get rid of her.
Led Zeppelin inspiring midgets find bad luck ring, throw it in a volcano.
Navy Pilots spend time on beach playing shirtless volleyball then hang out in the locker room in towels and discuss the attributes of good wing men.
(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
A girl, who can't have pleasure with "regular" sex, goes to a gonzo physicist (with a nasty hot nurse) just to discover that her clitoris lies inside her throat, then she finds out that she's just a blowjob away from bubbles, jingling bells and funny orgasm faces.
Kid goes back in time, meets his parents, makes out with his mother, and returns home.
ET latches onto an astronaut's face. It dies. Astronaut gives birth to baby ET. He dies. Baby ET gets big and kills all but one person and the cat.
That's quite a lot of space taken on the marquee, Leo.
Super hot chic and her dork sidekick run around being chased by super marketable robots that can rollerskate.
Rafting trip takes bit of a bummer turn when dude gets butt raped by inbred hillbillies.
Kid goes back in time, claims he's Clint Eastwood (poor Clint), cheats on a duel, returns home, mad professor returns to tell him he'll stay back in the wild west time, while his little kid Verne plays with his very own flux capacitor.
http://www.thatvideosite.com/video/creepy_twist_at_the_end_of_back_to_the_future_3_wait_for_it
Backwards hunt for a killer. Hey, I'm the killer!
"Cheats in a dual." That killed me. Damn stove door!
Gay vampire shines in the sunlight.
Wyoming ranch hands do each other, instead of sheep.
Two in a row from the great land of Brazil! Joga Bonito!
Hooray!
Devilish kid left alone at home. Defeats bandits. And then again. And again. Hell, when will it end?
2 girls examine what they can do with 1 cup.
Frank the Tank and Napoleon Dynamite take Pair's Figure skating to the gayest level EVER.
Cartoon rabbit is unjustly framed and hard boiled LA detective must come to his rescue.
The Goonies: Partially retarded man finds redemption and a pirate ship.
That's for you, JW.
Awwww.... Chilled monkey brains!
Dumb ass aliens find out they're allergic to water when they mess with the wrong dude on a planet that's mostly made of water.
High school kids in California in the early 80's hang out, get high, and have sex and you get to see Phoebe Cate's tits. (Best EVER!)
Congrats, E.
Sharon Stone Shows Shaved Snizz to torment homicide detectives.
Thanks Leo. I think the brevity of this form give it a haiku like elegance.
BTW, I meant Phoebe's tits were the best ever. Maybe that just goes unsaid...
Yeah, I got it. But you did deserve the compliment for the reference.
The heartwarming story of a romance that never occurred aboard a real-life sinking ship.
Don't forget the classic:
Midgets, witches and scarecrows. Oh my!
Princess falls for farmboy. Farmboy dies chasing Princess. Is brought back to life because of true love.
Inconceivable!
- Rosebud!
- Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake.
- 300 guys go dine in hell. One returns home.
- Steeeeeeeeeeelllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
A young cheerleader finds things to do in Dallas.
A Black History Month Special: How to win an Oscar in one scene, starring Halle Berry and the dude-you-wish-was-you.
Michael isn't too keen on Dad's desire for him to be a Senator someday, so he rebels by settling all family business, killing his brother and drinking some orange juice. God is not amused.
This is the best game we've played in a while. You guys have been killing me.
Young freethinker moves to small town where they don't believe in dancing and he is forced to play tractor chicken then go to abandoned warehouse to do his thing until he can't take it anymore and shows the people that dancing to 1980's pop is liberation itself.
- Cop joins dead presidents bank robbers gang, goes surfing, skidives, yells "whoa" every five minutes or so and girls get wet all around the world.
- Badass guy has had it with monkeyfighting snakes on a monday-to-friday plane.
- Australian countryman goes to America just to feel misfit.
- Coke bottle falls from the sky, hits an African tribal man's head, drives him crazy. Plus, crazy things happen.
- Man freaks out over an overpriced coke, destroys half a city but deep inside he wants to go to his daughter's birthday party.
- Alien arrives on earth, grows in the country, starts working at a newspaper, wears a blue tight pajama, a red undie on the OUTSIDE, ties a red tablecloth on his neck and claims to be a hero.
- Governor travels back in time three times to protect a woman/a kid/a man and save the world.
- Teenagers use drugs, drink alcohol, fuck around unprotected. One of them has AIDs, what and makes it a Russian Roulette.
- Crazy scientist brings dinosaurs back to life just to learn that we are here because they aren't anymore.
- Collie saves annoying kid a lot of times.
- Bidet-faced expressionless talentless actor ruins my childhood memories when he "acts" as a blind attorney who is also a caped vigilante.
- Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
Cartoon lion gets born and rules the cartoon jungle as King.
England wants to take over Scotland, Scotch rebels moon English soldiers, Irish join them, Scotch leader sees dead wife's spirit seconds before loosing his head.
RIP Sir William the Brave. Leo's got me a little dusty here. Phew, get it together J-Dub. Yes, Willliam Wallace was hanged, drawn and quartered. Then they beheaded him. After that, Sir William's head was dipped in tar and stuck it on a spike atop London Bridge.
I'm okay. I need some candy. And bagpipes...
Guy gets his salad tossed in prison, but embezzles money from corrupt warden then escapes to live on a tropical beach. Oh, and he never gives up hope.
Ode to the Rock Hammer...
I know this is conceited but I'm going to repeat my earlier entry:
"In Massive Post-Apocalyptic Mulligan, Latex Monkeys Recapitulate Human History, Capture and Strip NRA President"
Thank you.
Michael you are so conceited. Damn, dirty and conceited.
JW
We make crackers out of people, and we make them taste uummm, uumm good.
(Another of the NRA president's movies)
Cop in the future is assigned the task of killing a group of rogue androids but one of them didn't know she was an android and furthermore she's hot so he keeps her.
Bored motel clerk, dressed as his own grandma, stabs people.
Birds gather on people's porches, peck at their hair.
Man who gets the spins in high places also finds he enjoys the way blonds spin their hair into buns. Weird.
Tea boy from an Indian outsource call center wins million-dollar jeopardy TV show just to be visible and get back the love of the girl he fell in love with when he was a juvenile crook.
Three friends rent a room for a guy, find him dead with kajillions of money, kill the guys mates, fight with each other over the money, one friend run away with newspapers stripes, another friend dies and the big cash goes to the former heroin addicted who had seen a dead baby crawling on his bedroom ceiling.
Against backdrop of derisive robots and playful waltz music, thrown bone becomes rocket becomes space embryo.
(Partial credit: Mystery Science Theater 3000)
The Office's Dwight sells pregancy test confirming smug teen was knocked up by skinny cross-country runner. They sell the baby to Ben Affleck's wife and sing a cute a song about it.
Juno was going to one of mine. "Teen girl gets pregnant, talks quirky and sucks."
I hated Juno.
Forrest Gump stars live action version of Johnny Castaway screen saver. Then he delivers a last FedEx package.
Additonal details:
When he leaves and the girl opens the package, the contents were:
- a fish net
- ACME instant grow vegetable seeds
- GPS
- Satellite Mobile Phone
- Multi-purpose solar cell battery charger
- Water purifier
- Pain killers
...and an airpump for soccer balls
Wilsooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not-so-secret agent rolls around the world taping hot chicks, fighting warlords and drinking martinis (shaken, not stirred)...
Aces, Leo.
I'm trying hard... ;º)
Just because, I'm popping the 77th comment on this one in honor of the Loyal 77 that played our game and made the staff laugh so much.
JW