This was initially going to be a column entitled "Regression in Sport: The All White Basketball League."
Then I thought my sarcasm and venom would come across more clearly in video form.
In Augusta Georgia, a town not exactly known for racial harmony, knucklehead Don "Moose" Lewis is the commissioner of the apparently real All-American Basketball Alliance. Just your run-of-the-mill, small independent basketball league. One catch: you have to be a white guy to participate. Caucasians only. Can't see any potential problems with this venture.
I couldn't resist proffering my 2 cents.
Extra Tidbit: My hat is a vintage cap from the family business, SeaSport Boats. Started by my Scottish immigrant grandfather in 1955, many of his classic designs are still in use today.
Then I thought my sarcasm and venom would come across more clearly in video form.
In Augusta Georgia, a town not exactly known for racial harmony, knucklehead Don "Moose" Lewis is the commissioner of the apparently real All-American Basketball Alliance. Just your run-of-the-mill, small independent basketball league. One catch: you have to be a white guy to participate. Caucasians only. Can't see any potential problems with this venture.
I couldn't resist proffering my 2 cents.
Extra Tidbit: My hat is a vintage cap from the family business, SeaSport Boats. Started by my Scottish immigrant grandfather in 1955, many of his classic designs are still in use today.
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The league should draft the entire Iowa Hawkeye basketball team. Due to an unprecedented (non-race related) departure of players to transfer and injury, the only guys left were the white benchwarmers.
I think they average about eleven points per half, and look like a television adaptation of Hoosiers, the movie. TV viewers of the games have been complaining about the games because they can't tell if they've paused them or not and worried about HD burn-in.
I'm guessing that is what the AABA would look like, but on both sides of the court.
We'll see scores like:
The Green Bay Crackers upset the New England WASPs in a 14-9 shootout. The ladder used to empty the ball from the peach basket got quite a workout!
The Alabama Thankyouma'ams put on a defensive effort for the ages, topping the Seattle Pencilnecks 8-2.
The Washington Redskins* whooped up on the Ketucky Klan 19-11.
*I'm sorry if that team nickname goes too far. I realize that not even the most virulently racist league would ever implement such a crass slur. I intended it as light satire. Hope I haven't overstepped the bounds of good taste.
I think the Pencilnecks was a swipe at Microsoft. Pretty funny Sawyze.
This league is going to have as many dunks as the WNBA. Well, almost as many.
Yeah, and half of those will come during the half time show when the dance team performs its "Tribute to Famous Lynchings in History" revue on the trampoline.
You ask the question of how they are going to tell if someone is white enough - I'm pretty sure that they'll be able to tell by the players' behavior and moral conduct.
They are in talks with Bill Laimbeer, hoping to name him their new Director of Proper White On-Court Behavior and Etiquette.
With Kurt Rambis and Danny Ainge as his deputies. Craig Ehlo is treasurer.
Although this is a shocking subject that something like this would start in this day and age I think we have an even more pressing matter at hand.
Did echo sign off on the use of the "3 chords..." on this one, or is he going to get sand in his mangina and you 2 have another lovers tiff?
It's all on the level Frank, I just couldn't wait to sound off on this nonsense. Podcast #3 coming next week.
Funny seeing as I didn't sign off on shit. Here's what would have been nice...
Dear Echo,
I'm phoning in today's article. I have lost the will to type anything. Plus, as you know, I'm incredibly vain and need to have as many videos of myself on this site as possible. With your permission, I humbly ask to use the "3 Chords" title on today's post.
Sincerely,
Johnny Wright
PS: Upon further listening of our podcast, I realize that the backbone, the artistry, the genius, and the comedy comes only from you. I'm merely a supporting player - much like a "Wallace Shawn" or "Sonny Bono."
You didn't have to put that out there for everybody. We could have kept that in-house. My ego is getting out of control though.
Don't knock Wallace Shawn. He was in "Manhattan", "Princess Bride" AND The Cosby Show." He's Scene Stealer Magee.
The Colbert Report mentioned the All White Basketball League last night. It was about the same as mine, just in HD and withe better jokes.
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/262628/january-28-2010/sport-report---all-white-basketball---jana-rawlinson