1. Get a Better Spokesman
It's one thing when you have enough faith in your CEO to put him in front of a conference and have him show off your latest goods. It's quite another when said CEO looks like Kevin from The Office. Steve Ballmer is obviously passionate about the company and its products, but he's not the person to build a company's reputation around, especially when videos like this are spreading through the internet. At least Bil Gates was reserved in all his geekiness. Love him or hate him, he never seemed to be trying too hard to be liked. Steve Jobs, John Lasseter and Richard Branson are all tremendously proud and excited about their companies as well, but it doesn't take an out-of-date Gloria Estefan song to make people want to associate with their brands. Find someone subdued. Find someone interesting. Find someone purchasers of the product want to be. Establish a new voice for the company. Put them in your commercials. I'd separate yourself from the pack and find a smart and driven woman to lead your brand.

2. Don't Try Too Hard.
This video killed me. You've turned a respectable looking technology store into a Cold Stone Creamery. Singing is fine if you're at Chuck "E" Cheeses, but not when it's coming from the guy selling you a computer. Admittedly, I've never been to a Microsoft Store (there are none in the New York area ... yet), but if this song and dance routine is a normal occurrence, you'd be better off sticking to online sales only. Let's assume the charade was only one manager's idea of a fun, though horribly designed, viral video. In fact, let's not assume, but pray. Leave the poured-on fun out of the mix. Don't have pushy sales people. Don't showcase too hard. Let the stores find their own tone. While no one wants the disconnected and out-of-date antiquity of RadioShack, surely consumers will be horrified by manufactured happiness. (Also, I'd stay away from putting these stores next to Apple Stores for fear they'll only point out how un-Apple the Microsoft Stores really are.) When people and companies try to hard, it's painfully obvious. Coolness is cultivated and nurtured over time.

3. Be Innovative
When was the last time Microsoft invented something? I mean from the ground-up? One could argue the Zune was just a response to the iPod. Windows 95 has a few too many similarities to the old Mac operating system. Vista was Microsoft's failed attempt to one-up the visual look of OS X. (The list goes on and on) It seems that Microsoft is content with being the second guy to the party, and mimicking, albeit poorly, what other companies have already done. (Granted, one could make the argument that Apple stole the GUI interface and Mouse from the Xerox Alto all those years ago.) What I'd love to see is a new product from Microsoft. Something that took a risk. Something that thought outside the box and wasn't bandwagon hopping. The Surface came close, but that appears to be stuck in concept car Hell. Create something without a high sticker price that everyone needs. You knocked it out of the park with Office, I'm sure you can do it again with a new application.

4. Stop Using Apple's High Prices as an Excuse
It's true, Apple's prices are high. Many times, their prices are double what a PC would cost. And yet, that doesn't kill their brand loyalty. It's because people love their products. They're invested in them. They're willing to pay a premium for products they know will work. My mother made the poor choice of purchasing a PC laptop a few years ago. My father bought a MacBook last year. Within a minute, my father's computer is up and running - virus free - while my mother's waits to boot up. The Mac is just more convenient, if for no other reason than it's because everything on the computer was built by the same company. So while Microsoft may be cheaper, you aren't getting the quality that you'll get with Apple.

Here's what you need to do. It may freak you out a bit, but just listen. Build computers in-house. That's right. Soup to nuts. Design the OS, slap in some silicon, and hire a fancy (potentially British) industrial designer to create a work of art. All the pieces will fit together. Things will run smoother. And we won't spend our days waiting for a computer that's been stapled together by 50 different companies to warm up long enough to get us online.

5. Design
That image to the right? That's sexy. We need more of that. The first Zune was anything but good to look at, but the same could be said for the first generation iPod as well. If you threw that sort of design and taste into your products (both software and hardware), Microsoft could be on to something. Again, like I mentioned above, it's time to start building your own stuff. Keep it in house. Coolness comes from within, and it doesn't take a caffeine-filled CEO, Electric Sliding store employees, following the crowd, or slamming the other guy to get there. Tuck in your shirt. Buy some jeans that fit. And put out products that people wouldn't mind placing on their desks. Products that look just as good switched off as they do on. Do this and you'll soon find your way back up to the surface. (No pun intended)

We mention all this because we care. You're still great, but you could be better. Let Apple do their thing. But find your niche somewhere new. Hell, bring me that bad-ass visual computing system from Minority Report and I'll be all over you like Tiger Woods and a fire hydrant.