Monkey News!

It's been a little quiet in the monkey community lately. That chimp ripping a lady's face off really hurt us. Here's a story to put faith back into the monkeys.

33-year-old orangutan Nonja lives at the Vienna Zoo. The kids love her. So do photogs. Nonja is an amateur photographer. Wielding a Samsung ST 1000 digital camera to document her daily activities. She's very gifted. Considering that she is a primate, she makes that criminal Annie Leibovitz look like a real bum. You got John Lennon to get naked and spoon Yoko? Big whoop. This is an ape who's shooting stills like Matthew Brady.

In fact, Nonja has her own freaking Facebook page! Her art is inspiring the world and the monkey is adding hundreds of fans by the hour. She's closing in on 10,000 followers!

I don't know if we can become friends with force of photography/nature, but we all should.



This is one of Nonja's self portraits. Genius. Reminds me of this. Same thing...

It takes a certain someone to cheat on this. That's like going to a Brazilian Steakhouse and holding back on the tenderloin because you want to save room for the free salad bar. Elin Nordegren could shave off all my hair while I was sleeping, beat my dog, insult my mother's cooking and show me pictures of her getting it on my with brother and I still wouldn't cheat on her. Hell, I'd make her chocolate chip pancakes in the morning.

Luckily, we live in the Information Age where, thanks to diligent digital enthusiasts, we can enjoy videos like the one above. There's nothing like watching a celebrity's life crumble from the comfort of your own bathroom. (Did I mention I write all my articles on the toilet? Oh, I write all my articles on the toilet). And Mrs. Woods, should you feel the need to have payback sex with a mostly-unemployed blogger with a shitty Golf handicap and the cultural interests of a teenager, please shoot me an email.

From The Space-Time Continuum Desk...

I'm concerned that the geniuses running the Super Hadron Collider may have some bats in the belfry. The potential explanation of why the bloody thing has been a let down so far blew my mind. "I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr Scientist in the monogrammed lab coat? There are correlations between the Collider crapping the bed and the plot to Back to the Future II? Can I see a copy of your degree please? How did you get in here?"



Special thanks to my Dad for use of the cabin as a set and the use of headgear and props.

"Up in the Air" *** (out of four): Based on the novel by Walter Kim, "Up In the Air" manages to succeed at different altitudes, addressing the absurdity and poignancy of human connections.

Ryan Bingham flies across the country firing other companies' employees, as a kind of outsourced pink slip specialist (imagine filling out that Customs form). He spends most of his days "up in the air," and director/co-writer Jason Reitman ("Thank You for Smoking", "Juno") gets a lot of metaphorical mileage out of the expression.

Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

In the spirit of the holiday season, I present this creepy caption competition.  Enjoy!  (just the picture you need to see when you first visit.  Photo courtesy of AwkwardFamilyPhotos)

Finally, after all these years, we know.