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The "Just York" Movement
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I had an idea the other day, and because this is a once-a-year occurrence, I didn't want to let it drift off into the shadows of my brain - much like I did with the Blenoaster, my blender/toaster combination. Here's the idea:

Let's call New York just "York" and change York to "Old York."

Obviously this is a genius idea, and I only share it with you because we need to get the word out. The change doesn't need to be made simply so we have less letters to fill out when we type in our addresses. It needs to be made because New York is a much better city than York.

83729_b1.jpgHave you ever been to York in Great Britain? Do you know anyone that has? That's because there's no reason to go to York. I'm told all they have in their crappy little town is a wall. Well guess what? We have a shit load of walls in New York City. So many in fact, that we can piss on them to our heart's content. We don't care about our walls, and we sure as shit don't need to advertise that we have them. Further, the only famous people to ever come out of York are Guy Fawkes and Judi Dench, both of whom have attempted to destroy Parliament. So while York breeds terrorism, we have such native and patriotic sons as Theodore Roosevelt and John C. McGinley.

Take a look at the photo of York up there. That's their downtown. I'd say it's a one stoplight town if I was positive the English even had the knowledge to use electricity. (Remember, these are the same people who think cucumber sandwiches are delicacies.)

Here's what I propose. We get to call New York City "York" while York will now be referred to as "Old York." Just think about the tourism benefits of having "Old" placed at the beginning of a town name. It conveys an antiquated lifestyle, and is sure to bring an influx of senior citizens to York's environs. And if New York is called "York" we'll already have a peppermint candy named after us. It works out for everyone. Also, New York City isn't exactly "new" anymore and "Best York" doesn't have the same ring to it.

If you're with me, and based on your panting and wide eyes I can tell that you are, spread the work. Put the #justyork hashtag in your Twitter posts. Viva la revolution!
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8 Comments

The good news is that if this catches on, you'll be known as the "York Dork."

If it doesn't catch on, it'll have the same effect.

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 12, 2009 2:05 PM.

Swayze - I'm taking you off my holiday card recipient list.

said Echowood on November 12, 2009 2:18 PM.

I'm holding out for a blenoaster, anyhow.

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 12, 2009 4:39 PM.

Hmm. Old York seems pretty groovy. From what I seed on google. Sorry, NY is just a nother johnny come lately. Go back to calling yourself the big apple.

'Where you from ? '
'The Big Apple. '

There you go.

said E on November 12, 2009 8:24 PM.

i say we return New York to it's original name: New Amsterdam. Now THERE is a kickass name. Especially if you change the laws to match the original.

said Sheriff Pablo on November 12, 2009 8:41 PM.

Now that's an idea Pablo. Good call.

said E on November 12, 2009 9:34 PM.

only one problem... the liberals will scream that the new postal code for york is racist "YO" :)

said copycat042 on November 13, 2009 5:52 PM.

I say update it to something super current:

New Hamster Dance

That'll never get old.

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 13, 2009 6:53 PM.
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