'L'Chaim!'

'Only in New York kiddos. Only in New York.'

"Ho ho ho! Any of you kids wanna buy some toys?"

(i kid, i kid)

Oy to de Voild!

Happy Chanukkah to all, and to all some really good Gefilte Fish!

The Tropicana 'Juice for Santa' advertising campaign may want to reduce their use of radio promotions next year.

'What, you dont' know me as a Jew cause I like Santa?I like Santa, so sue me!'

'I'm like - fine fine. Enough with the dreadels. You want an X-Box (shrug)? I can get you an X-Box. Wholesale even. I'll talk to Morty and Saul. We'll get you set up... It's fine. Fine I'm saying. Don't be meshugas.'

Hannukah Harry went over a lot better than Kwanzaa Katrina.

Looks like Santa had way too much Maneshewitz last night.

If you really want to get on Santa's good side don't leave out milk and cookies leave a bagel and a shmear.

Keep your beer in that bag Santa. Don't want the cops to Challah at you.

FIlming for the latest NBC series, "Law and Order: Religious Prosecution" began in earnest this week.

Oy Vey! You think this is bad, you don't wanna know what the Easter Mohel leaves hidden around your house!

Once the last shipment of this season's hottest product, the Schwartz Sure-Fit Menorah Buttplug, was complete, Hanukkah Harry decided he'd had enough.

Schwartz? Schwartz doesn't know from buttplugs. Schwartz is a Meshugah. You want Goldstein. Now there's a Jew who knows from buttplugs. Schwartz is a schmuck!

Oy Vey with the buttplugs again. Feh! Klutz that I am I was walking to the deli once and I happened to fall on one, like a shlimazel. Call my sister Rose, who's down in Miami now (so humid! how she stands it I don't know.) She calls her son Bernie, the esteemed proctologist. I stop by and he takes care of it, like it's nothing. A mensch this nephew of mine, a mensch I tell you. If you ever have such a buttplug situation, I'm just telling you, you could very well do worse.

I'm getting a little veklempt.

E-Berg! why would you schlep your tochus all the way to Miami for your buttplug situation? Your sister is such a yenta anyway. They heard about your buttplug problems back at the carnegie deli before you even got halfway.

Oy! And Merry Christma-Hannu-Kwanzaa-kah to all and to all lots of Gelt!

(That's it, My yiddish vocabulary is exhausted)

Oy, Pablo-Stein, you want I should pay retail? As if I'm such a schmendrik. As for Rose, maybe not so much a Yenta but she does kibbitz, that I'll grant you.

Maybe now we can get this goyim Baierman to pick a winner already? I feel like I'm turning into a Zayde here, God forbid my wife turns into a Bubby. I'll plotz!

i know the color scheme's a little off but, hey, I got it wholesale!