Except for these gun enthusiasts...

Pennsylvania mom Meleanie Hain made headlines last year when she brought a loaded Glock to her 5-year-old daughter's soccer game. Just in case a bear stormed the pitch and tried to score a goal for the rival Ladybugs squad. Parents were outraged. The NRA cheered.

Last week Meleanie was having a web chat with a friend when her husband Scott shot her with a different 9mm handgun. Scott shot the soccer mom several times, then went upstairs, grabbed a different gun - a shotgun - and blew his brains out. This leaves 3 orphaned soccer lovers. Meleanie's loaded Glock was nearby in her backpack. If only it had been closer she could have defended herself.

Then there was the soon-to-be newlyweds John Tabutt and Nancy Dinsmore. Two 62-year-old Floridians that were supposed to be married today. John heard noises downstairs and was positive it was a fearless cat burglar. A close-by firearm was procurred. John crept down the steps to save the day. These crooks weren't going to get away with stealing his commemorative Dale Earnhardt Jr. collector plates. There was a moving figure in the darkness. John fired. It was Nancy. She's dead. No wedding. No joy in Mudville.

So, other than these poor unfortunate souls, guns will keep you safe.

Have a good weekend ya drunken monkeys...