Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network has given the believers a stern warning about Halloween. All of this frivolity is evil. Candy corn? Evil. Carving jack-o-lanterns? May as well be carving cancer-stricken orphans. Enjoying a piping hot mug of apple cider? That's the witch's brew served at the Devil's temperature!There's a few amazing revelations is this piece. Such as:
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
Interesting. These witches must be an organized bunch with a lot of free time on their hands/claws. What with all the stealing of candy from manufacturers, poisoning or cursing the treats and sneaking the bags back onto supermarket shelves. And keep the stories out of the newspapers. Diabolical.
We are taught that
During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.
This can be done through the ditstribution of cursed candy! Your 5-year-old may unwittingly be the carrier of a demon to your candy-loving neighbors. He's like Damien in The Omen!
It's my suggestion that you hole up in the cellar until the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is on. That's the signal for all clear.
ADDENDUM: It appears we weren't the only ones mocking Mr. Robertson and his possessed candy crusade. Due to high traffic, or perhaps a shot of common sense, the page has been taken down. Apparently the bewitched candy epidemic has been averted.
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I wanna hear one of these curses. What's it go like. Furthermore what do demons look like Gene Simmons or those dudes on the red-hot candies.
The real satanic activity is fəckən that daylight savings time switch. Pick one or the other, split the difference, whatever. Always fucks things up. Burn in hell.
I'm SOOOO tired of all the "Halloween is evil" bullshit! It's crap! Halloween is about dressing up as something you're not and eating candy. That's it! There's no evil. No such thing as demons or curses. If dressing up as a witch or a devil is evil, then I think dressing up as a princess is evil. And little girls wear those to Disneyland all year long. Nobody complains about them. They're obviously mythical characters too. Little Lucy from Long Beach is never going to be a Cinderella! And Wild Wendy from Westminster isn't ever really going to be a witch. So who gives a rats ass? Watch scary movies, let the kids eat candy and let the dumb sluts dress up like...well dumb sluts. It's not evil, it's fucking fun. The End.
May God bless Pat and his lunacy.
I look forward to his next prediction.
Thanksgiving is worshiping a false prophet? Turkey.