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10 Vegetarian Dishes that Mock Meat

meatIsFont.jpg


Vegetarians may have given up meat, but that doesn't mean the people who market products to vegetarians have.

This explains all the sites and products that help vegetarians make popular meat dishes sans meat And books like "The Vegetarian Meat and Potatoes Cookbook" and the "I Can't Believe it's Not Meat" Cookbook.

For beans-sake, vegetarians have given up meat. It's time the marketing department got with the program.

A little menu renaming is in order, I think.
Starting with these ten meat-but-not-meat substitutes.

10 Vegetarians Dishes that Mock Meat


Vegetarian Haggis - What makes Haggis, Haggis? Sheep's lung, stomach, liver and heart. The veggie recipe - ground hazelnuts, peanuts, walnuts, soy sauce, etc. - is something else entirely.
Nuts aren't meat. (Except when used as sexual references.)
vegetarian-haggis.jpg


Vegetarian Meatloaf - Wrong. It's a Vegan Loaf. Apply for the circle TM.
lofsus.jpg


Veggie BLT - A BLT sandwich without bacon is not a BLT. If you're going to go through the effort to help vegans avoid bacon, then your branding department should take 2 seconds and rename the bacon-based sandwich.
SMRt-bacon.jpg


Meatless Meatballs - I'm confused. There can be no such thing.
Name change pronto!
meatlessBalls.jpg


Mock Duck - Now who's fooling who here?
mockduck.jpg


Vegetarian Steak - Steak, by definition, is a slice of meat. Not fermented soybean cake.
pepper-crow.jpg


Chicken Free Nuggets - They are tasty and great with mock-duck sauce, but they are not chicken. So lets call them Tempeh Nuggets. That says chicken-free too.
nuggetsChick.jpg


Vegetarian Pork Rib - Come on now MBA's, there can only be "pork ribs" on a vegetarian protest sign, not on their dinner plate.
Besides, do these look like ribs to you?
Pork_Rib_Slaps_and_Pieces.jpg


"Clam" Chowder -
If it doesn't have real clam, it cannot be called clam chowder. The quotations mark aren't fooling anyone. Take them away and call it New England Mushroom Chowder.
Then nobody is fooled.
veganclam.jpg


Vegetarian Hamburger - Hamburgers contain meat. Anything else should be called something else.
Right, Clark?

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8 Comments

That's what I say. Always.

Once I went with the wife to a vegan restaurant, so I could be in the right of complaining--for I'd suffer with their food--instead of just mocking without knowing the cause.

Hey, don't vegans know that salt, pepper, aromatic herbs and other spices not only add FLAVOUR to the food but also, they aren't meat?!

They had a lasagna, and I'd say, taste like wet newspaper. Their "steak" was something like chewed sugar cane put together as a steak shape with some strange sauce.
Uh... and the top hit of the Saturday menu: Vegan Feijoada. Can you tell the difference between this http://bit.ly/d1gS AND one of these http://bit.ly/126KJz | http://bit.ly/OQ2Dh | http://bit.ly/IPw1c ?

said Leonardo Carvalho on October 1, 2009 1:52 PM.

I agree heartily with this and I am vegetarian. There are lots of reasons I don't eat meat but since I don't eat it anymore I find it kind of gross and find fake meat products that try really too hard to pretend to be meat really unsettling. Tofu, cooked properly for tofu is so much better than chik'n or vegan beef. Vegetables are pretty tasty, too. D:


Also for the love of god why would you make fake haggis? Real haggis is terrifying enough.

said Eddy on October 1, 2009 6:50 PM.

Aye, what's a vegetarian story without a Morrissey/meat is murder reference?
Awesome story Baierman! I totally agree. Especially the bacon. Bacon is sacred.

said Vicky on October 2, 2009 9:14 AM.

Thanks Vicky.

A little name change keeps everyone happy!

said Baierman on October 2, 2009 10:16 AM.

So vegetarians can't beat the meat?

said Don't Swayze Bro on October 2, 2009 5:40 PM.

I had a philly cheese steak the other day. Pretty hard to veganize something like that.

said yeags on October 2, 2009 9:19 PM.

You'd think so yeags and technically you're right.
But you'd be wrong...

http://www.theveggietable.com/recipes/seitancheesesteak.html

said Baierman on October 3, 2009 10:54 AM.

Try Grillers Prime by Morningstar Farms!!! Tastes exactly like a fresh cooked burger...probably because it has more chemicals than the entire P & D department of Ciba-Geigy!

said G on October 8, 2009 5:28 AM.
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