From The YBNBY Cryptozoology Desk...What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks is that thing?
In Panama, a group of local teens claim a creepy, hairless beast crawled out of a cave and came towards them. They also claim that out of fear they attacked poor Smeagol with sticks and rocks until he/she/it gave up the ghost/Precious.
The kids returned shortly thereafter to photograph the thing. Then the interwebs went nuts.
Did this creature live in the cave tormented by the spell of a magic ring? Is it a sloth with a wicked case of the mange? Escaped mad scientist lab experiment? The ugliest fat kid in the history of ever? I don't know. Are those nipples? I'm stumped.
The Montauk Monster was not available for comment but I left a voicemail for him and he should get back to me soon.
Stumble This
Reddit!
It looks like a hairless sloth.
It should have gone to the active mens clinic and got some plugs.
....the hell is that thing??? Well, jeez, now I know I am not sleeping tonight. At the very least, I'm leaving ALL the lights on! thanks, johnny.
Sorry, pally. Just doing my job.
My brother Drew and I were talking about this and our favorite part is the tongue. Whoever made this thing must have went to the butcher, bought the biggest cow tongue he could find and jammed into the the beast's mouth.
Looks like a sloth, but where did it's hair go? Did someone boil the poor thing?
The cryptid makers are doing a great job creating their beasts. They look more and more real.
How long until a big foot's corpse show up? I mean, one well built like this and the Montauk monster, not a gorilla costume in an ice filled bathtub.
I left a question in another blog that I'll reproduce here: "Where the hell are the wounds and bruises?"
I mean, it doesn't look like a bird, which could be killed with a penny-sized pebble. They must have had to stone the creep out of this thing to kill it.
Does it have a Wolverine-esque healing power that was strong enough to heal the wounds but not the internal damages?
By the way, nice sculpture work there. Kudos for the artist behind this one. Looks as real as hell. And I agree, the tongue was the masterpiece on this work.
My brother had the lack of bruises question too, Leo. Good eye.
It's such a good story.
Didn't that thing pop out of John Hurt's stomach in Alien?
Basterds. "It looks weird lets kill it!"
It reminds me of The Island of Dr. Moreau more than LOTR though.
I found the truth.
One of the kids of this family ( http://bit.ly/6VSBi ) was captured and sold to a farmer, who were going to show him in a country fair in Panama.
The fucking bastard had all the poor creature's hair shaved and the ears removed to sum up to the freakness.
The kids had put the poor bastard down, but they've also taken him out of his misery. Although all the grunts and barks were scary, all he intended to say was "Help me please. I was kidnapped, I wanna go home! Please! Help me!".
I'm paying a tribute for the poor guy's soul. One minute of silence and no more coffee until lunchtime.
Hope you are now in the freaks heaven, buddie, where there are no circuses or freak-shows. Where a weirdo can finally have the respect they deserve.
Darnit. I hate re-typing over the already typed and forget to proof read it.
"Where weirdos can finally have the respect they deserve."
I fell for it, pally. Well done. That killed me.
Along similar lines. They found some sort of alien in Mexico:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WQrGwzLm1E&feature=player_embedded
Of course the first thing the guy who found it did was kill it.
Glen: It's a crazy world.
H.I. McDunnough: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.
From Raising Arizona
it looks like a badly deformed human