From The YBNBY Sexually Transmitted Diseases Desk...

Nobody on the staff goes near that section of the home office. It's cordoned off with yellow police tape and biohazard signs.

Syphilis! It's a problem. Especially in Forsyth County, N.C. Readers from Forsyth County: I would be really discriminate at your local watering hole for a few months. Cases of the dreaded STD have tripled in recent years.

(Sidenote: Do we know if Lindsay Lohan was in North Carolina the last couple years? Let's look into this.)

Health officials are very concerned. Drastic measures are needed to battle this outbreak. But ... it's hard to get the locals to come in for a swab of their inflamed junk. A brilliant solution has been proffered. Wal-Mart gift cards. Come on down to the clinic and get tested, receive a $10 Wal-Mart shopping spree. I sense a "Real Men of Genius" ad coming.

It's a shame we didn't have Wal-Mart gift cards in days of yore. If there was a gift card option, maybe Napoleon, Vincent van Gogh, Franz Shubert, Leo Tolstoy, Henry VIII, Friedrich Nietzsche, John Keats, Scott Joplin, Benjamin Franklin, Al Capone, Paul Gauguin, Ivan the Terrible and Adolf Hitler could have been spared the disease and scored 2 DVD's from the bargain bin.