To corporate America? Yeah.....that Satan! You'll be surprised who got them though....enjoy the video after the jump.

(sorry to move it there but it auto-plays and I didn't want Sacarmouch getting on my case for cluttering up the main page)

From The YBNBY Sexually Transmitted Diseases Desk...

Nobody on the staff goes near that section of the home office. It's cordoned off with yellow police tape and biohazard signs.

Syphilis! It's a problem. Especially in Forsyth County, N.C. Readers from Forsyth County: I would be really discriminate at your local watering hole for a few months. Cases of the dreaded STD have tripled in recent years.

(Sidenote: Do we know if Lindsay Lohan was in North Carolina the last couple years? Let's look into this.)

Health officials are very concerned. Drastic measures are needed to battle this outbreak. But ... it's hard to get the locals to come in for a swab of their inflamed junk. A brilliant solution has been proffered. Wal-Mart gift cards. Come on down to the clinic and get tested, receive a $10 Wal-Mart shopping spree. I sense a "Real Men of Genius" ad coming.

It's a shame we didn't have Wal-Mart gift cards in days of yore. If there was a gift card option, maybe Napoleon, Vincent van Gogh, Franz Shubert, Leo Tolstoy, Henry VIII, Friedrich Nietzsche, John Keats, Scott Joplin, Benjamin Franklin, Al Capone, Paul Gauguin, Ivan the Terrible and Adolf Hitler could have been spared the disease and scored 2 DVD's from the bargain bin.

So Rabbi Benny Zippel walks into a bar...

Wait, that's not right.

Ahem.

So Rabbi Zippel up to the Shabbat table. He blows the Shofar and then...

From the desk of reptile abmormalities...

We've reported on two-headed snakes and turtle two-face in the past.

Now comes word that a snake in China has grown an extra appendage.

This snake grew a foot.
Or a claw.

Unfortunately, while Mr. Snake and his stanky leg were crawling along the floor, he scared a Chinese woman "right out of her skin."

She was so freaked out she clubbed the snake to death with her shoe.
R.I.P. Snake.

Now science has swooped in to autopsy the reptile and discover the reason for the abnormality.

Then they'll probably clone it and sell to Upper East Side socialites who are sick of their Toy dogs, and want to replace it with something more interesting.

At least I hope so.

Via Telegraph

As friend of the site Leonardo Carvalho will attest, douchebags are everywhere. And while we can all readily identify who these guys are, it seems the fairer sex has the wool pulled over them again and again. For some unknown reason, most likely due to the moon controlling both the tides and menstrual cycles, women have a penchant for dating douches. Hell, there are whole sites devoted to this phenomena. Using our vast resources and common knowledge, we've put together a list of 25 reasons the guy you're dating might be a douche. We hope this clears things up.

Of all the repercussions from Kanye West's classlessness the other night at the VMA's, this is probably the best. Nothing like a smack down from the Leader of the Free World to put you in your place. Even when your ego is the size of Lake Tahoe and your talent is the size of the Central Park Reservoir.

On his Twitter feed, ABC reporter Terry Moran quoted the President as calling Kanye a "jackass." Awesome. The problem? It was an off-the-cuff and off-the-record comment. There are rules in the press corps, one of the main ones is not printing something when the President isn't on the record. ABC has already yanked the tweet and released a statement saying:

In the process of reporting on remarks by President Obama that were made during a CNBC interview, ABC News employees prematurely tweeted a portion of those remarks that turned out to be from an off-the-record portion of the interview. This was done before our editorial process had been completed. That was wrong. We apologize to the White House and CNBC and are taking steps to ensure that it will not happen again.

Too late, chaps. It's already out there. Kanye, President Obama thinks what most of us think, you are a jackass. Put that in your pipe and take a puff.

The tweet has been pulled down, but I grabbed it before so...