Worried about babies having babies? Just show one of these 10 creeptastic doll commercials to your daughter, and she'll be asking Santa Claus for a tubal ligation this Christmas.

Baby Secret, Mattel, 1966

Secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets...KILL SOMEONE!

And yes, I'm pretty sure that is Eve Plumb, TV's Jan Brady, by the way.

It was a smash and grab at AdultMart in Brownhelm, Ohio when a man crashed his car through the doors of the store. He jumped out, picked up a $300 sex toy, examined it, saw that wasn't the exact model she demanded, and grabbed a second (cheaper) toy.

The thief caused tens of thousands of dollars in damage, according to a regional supervisor for AdultMart who was supervising temporary repairs. He said the thief rammed his car through six doors and ran over $20,000 of security devices -- all for a $150 sex toy.

"Maybe he was embarrassed," said the regional supervisor, who identified himself only as Mike. "What a perverted idiot."

According to the YouTube page, the toy taken was a "replica of an adult film star." Thanks to the array of security cameras, authorities can take a look at the license plate number and we have a show to watch.

From The Sports Desk...

College football kicked off last night. It is happy times. On the Smurf Turf in Boise, the Broncos topped the Oregon Ducks 19-8. (I'm not going to lie, as a Husky fan, I loved it.) Right out of the gate, this was a game with BCS implications.

There was also tempers flaring. Bad blood goes back to last year after this viscous hit and cheap shot. After the game, Bronco linebacker Byron Hout appears to say something antagonistic to Duck running back LeGarrette Blount. Blount couldn't think of a yo mama joke quick enough and dropped Hout like a wet newspaper.

Down goes Hout!



This isn't really a surprise, Blount has been suspended before. He'll be suspended again. Maybe permanently...

ro·bot (rō'bŏt', -bət) n. A mechanical device that sometimes resembles a human and is capable of performing a variety of often complex human tasks on command or by being programmed in advance.

coast·er (kō'stər) n. A small tray, often on wheels, for passing something, such as a wine decanter, around a table.

See also:
Unfortunately-Named Brands, Vol. 1