(Sort of. Possibly NSFW, depending on your boss's attitude toward Leviticus and/or "furry" fetishists.)

Mahna Mahna (aka Phenomenon).

The classic Muppets song served up a variety of ways, for lunch.

Delicious!

Above: just a few of humankind's many, many celebrated balls

When you really think about it, balls are pretty awesome. Yeah, I said it.

A potent symbol of courage, leadership, and even life itself, they've been celebrated since the dawn of human history. They are the very core of most of our sporting events. We gather by the millions each December 31 to watch 'em drop. Even the very act of enjoying something is known as "having" one. And as far as I understand, dunking them on someone's forehead is now a powerful form of political protest.

Let's face it: none of us would even be here today if it weren't for balls. Heck, every single one of us even lives on an enormous blue one.

So it's little wonder then, that they're the subject of many a popular ditty as well.

The X Factor is a TV series that, from what I can tell, is indistinguishable from American Idol or Britain's Got Talent. Maybe there are other shows where Simon Cowell and some other folks judge wannabe stars. Anyhoo, this segment has to be staged in more ways than one. Is this guy a ringer? Is he stuffed? How far will a TV show go to pander to our prurient interests and get a laugh? Hey, that kind of thing is supposed to be reserved for the internet!

(via Bits and Pieces)

Cazart!

From a pier in the West Village, Adam drops a dime on our potential super-Secret-Squirrel project. Sort of. It's cryptic.

In this pathetic episode, I share my theory that hospitals should have a 3 person name spelling committee. The committee would have the power to overrule phonetically incorrect spelling/idiotic of a newborn's name. This would put an end to the horrible "creative spelling" that has infected America like the monkeypox. No more Lisa spelled Lyssaa. Your name is still just Lisa.



Penn Jillette really did name his kid Moxie CrimeFighter. And I'll apologize for Adam slagging readers named Crystal. Sorry, love. He started it.

I'm calm like a bomb...

So we've seen our 48 acts (which are now down to 20) and our first group of 10 semi-finalists are here to wow us. They have all learned from their first time on the show and are ready to step up their game today, right? RIGHT? We'll see about that...