Originally, I was going to title this "An Open Letter to Television Network Executives" but I realized it really isn't their fault. Also, I wanted to keep my job. Shows are being canceled. Good shows. Shows that require one to think. And yet shows that aren't worth the nourishment my bag sweat could provide remain on the air. Forget health care, we need to reform our viewing habits. We need to change what we watch. Because, America, you're fucking it up for the rest of us.
Dear People of America,
How are you? How's life? Still waiting in line at McDonald's to get the super-hyper value meal so bloated with trans fat it's like pouring molasses into your arteries? Walk with me a moment, we have something to discuss.
I understand you feel you deserve everything and need it served to you in an easy to open package that requires little effort. It's America, right? We have a right to easy. Anything that requires more than three synapses burning should be reserved for the cultural elite, correct? I'm here to tell you that you've screwed it up for us. For all of us. Yourself included.
Case in point: Two and a Half Men is still on the air while Reno 911! has been sent to the depths.
Any while Reno may not be the cultural equivalent of a Rembrandt, it sure as shit is a lot better written and more entertaining than Two and a Half Men. On the surface, you may view Reno 911! as nothing more than a parody of Cops, but the reason it works (or worked) was due to its depth. Its ability to operate on different levels. Try finding that in Two and a Half Men. As Johnny has pointed out many times before, most network sitcoms adhere to the "bad pun, insert laugh track here" formula. There's no thought required. Hell, the laugh track tells you when you're supposed to enjoy it. That's like someone going through the Unbearable Lightness of Being and highlighting only the parts you should quote at a dinner party. (Please note: this is the only time you'll ever see Two and a Half Men used in the same sentence of Unbearable Lightness of Being)
We, as a country, are better than this. We're smarter than this. We didn't get to the top of the planet-wide food chain by seeking out the lowest common denominator. We strove to achieve beyond our capabilities. We sought knowledge and enlightenment. We didn't wait for it to be delivered in a brown paper bag with grease stains on the bottom.
So while I pour out the proverbial juice for my favorite shows that have gone away (Arrested Development, Reno 911!, Pushing Daisies, etc...), I beg of you to challenge yourself. Watch NBC on Thursday nights. Check out the Discovery and History Channels. Be better.
With Regards,
Echowood
How are you? How's life? Still waiting in line at McDonald's to get the super-hyper value meal so bloated with trans fat it's like pouring molasses into your arteries? Walk with me a moment, we have something to discuss.
I understand you feel you deserve everything and need it served to you in an easy to open package that requires little effort. It's America, right? We have a right to easy. Anything that requires more than three synapses burning should be reserved for the cultural elite, correct? I'm here to tell you that you've screwed it up for us. For all of us. Yourself included.
Case in point: Two and a Half Men is still on the air while Reno 911! has been sent to the depths.
Any while Reno may not be the cultural equivalent of a Rembrandt, it sure as shit is a lot better written and more entertaining than Two and a Half Men. On the surface, you may view Reno 911! as nothing more than a parody of Cops, but the reason it works (or worked) was due to its depth. Its ability to operate on different levels. Try finding that in Two and a Half Men. As Johnny has pointed out many times before, most network sitcoms adhere to the "bad pun, insert laugh track here" formula. There's no thought required. Hell, the laugh track tells you when you're supposed to enjoy it. That's like someone going through the Unbearable Lightness of Being and highlighting only the parts you should quote at a dinner party. (Please note: this is the only time you'll ever see Two and a Half Men used in the same sentence of Unbearable Lightness of Being)
We, as a country, are better than this. We're smarter than this. We didn't get to the top of the planet-wide food chain by seeking out the lowest common denominator. We strove to achieve beyond our capabilities. We sought knowledge and enlightenment. We didn't wait for it to be delivered in a brown paper bag with grease stains on the bottom.
So while I pour out the proverbial juice for my favorite shows that have gone away (Arrested Development, Reno 911!, Pushing Daisies, etc...), I beg of you to challenge yourself. Watch NBC on Thursday nights. Check out the Discovery and History Channels. Be better.
With Regards,
Echowood
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Reddit!
Read a book!
Download porn. (That's what I do.)
I blame the children Echo.
When I was a kid, I propelled crap shows like the A-Team, Different Strokes, Silver Spoons, Knight Rider, etc., etc. to high ratings. I can only guess today's youth, who have yet to developed a BS meter for shitty shows like 2 1/2 men, are at fault.
Perhaps kids should be banned from watching TV?
And parents who let their kids watch these shows should be banned from having a TV.
(Unless they're watching Monday Night Football. Or replay's of Yankee Classics on the YES! Network.)
This would help the Echo approved video game industry, right?
Sorry for your frustration and the loss of the show that I sometimes watch the credits of right before The Daily Show starts.
Hey, at least you can be thankful it's Monday...9pm: Monday Night RAW!!!!
At least Dollhouse is getting another season. Right...? It is, right?
I'm Johnny Wright, and I endorse this letter.
Death to the reality shows.
Here's my proposal: Get the producers of all the reality shows available (really, its only, like, five people), and set them up in a Mortal Kombat tournament (to the death). The survivor of the tournament is then allowed to make only ONE reality show, on the provision that:
A) Midgets are involved.
B) So are monkeys.
C) The reality "celebrities" they generate are to be executed at the end of the season.
D) Tits. At all time. Always.
E) One bad review, and the show is off the air. Forever.
Totally agree with you Adam. It's the very reason I terminated my cable service. When there's less than 80% reality shows on TV again, I might decide to re-subscribe.
Any show or clip I might want to see I can find on the internet or the youtube.
" (Please note: this is the only time you'll ever see Two and a Half Men used in the same sentence of Unbearable Lightness of Being)"
And before this sentence, we still hadn't seen them in the same sentence.
If you're going to write a "letter" about the general stupidity of a group of people, you should probably work on making sure said letter is grammatically correct. I'm all for informal form and I like incomplete sentences as much as the next guy, but such a format as the "open letter" dictates strict adherence to the rules of language. To paraphrase Sun Tzu, "First, make your position unassailable."
"panem et circenses"... nothing more than that.
While everybody is more concerned whether John and Kate will divorce or not; if that midget family done building whatever the craftsman dad wants; who's gonna be the new Big Brother winner and so on, they can be easily told what to do and what not.
Health insurance crisis? No thanks, let me watch some reality TV while things sort themselves out.
War? What war are you talking about, as far as I know our boys went there just to beat Saddam's ass up and now they're taking care of the Iraqis so they won't just kill each other. Now let me back to American Idol. It's the finals, you know?
Nevermind how bad things are going. Providing they get their nightly thoughtless amusement to inject the "everything's fine" serum on their system, that's all OK.
"(Please note: *THIS* is the only time you'll ever see(...)"
Haven't you thought as this meaning the actual sentence and not the previous? Non-linear thinking helps sometimes.
Proving my point: They're making a sequel to White Chicks. I kid you not.
Really?
I didn't know there was still something to be told... not that something has been told in the first movie anyway...
"but such a format as the "open letter" dictates strict adherence to the rules of language. "
Oh no you di'int!
BTW, I think it sounds a little better like this -
but a format *such as* the "open letter" dictates strict adherence to the rules of language.
Not that it makes the argument anymore persuasive. Sun Tzu (or whatever) can bite me.
Actually, fuck that too.
...
but the "open letter" format dictates strict adherence to the rules of language.
Grrr. Not do grammer good. Must watch A-Team. Clear head of Jibba-Jabba.
Fuck Religion, Television is the new "Opiate for the masses"
And E? Sun Tzu WOULD bite you, then eat your family and conquer your homeland. Sun Tzu was a bad mofo
Hey, as long as he isn't some grammar snob it's all good.
Some examples:
"It is essential to seek out enemy agents who have come to conduct espionage against you and to bribe them to serve you. Give them instructions and care for them. Thus doubled agents are recruited and used. "
So he invented the Double Agent...
"Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look on them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death. "
AND mindfucking his own troops.