Last week 50 Rabbis chartered a WWII plane, circled the skies over the Holy Land to ward off the swine flu. They chanted, they prayed, they blew horns. Hilarity ensued.



Maybe if 50 Rabbis flew over Mexico City last week blowin' horns Landon Donovan wouldn't have got the swine flu. Then we wouldn't have lost 2-1.

Your assignment now, loyal readers, is to begin to craft jokes that begin, "So 50 Rabbis get on a plane with horns to battle the swine flu..." Good luck.

Let's all try an experiment.

Reach in your wallet, pull out a twenty dollar bill.
Or a five. Or a ten.

Sniff it.

How do you feel?

Euphoric? Energized? Instantly paranoid?

Good.
There's a good chance you've just ingested cocaine.

(Sorry)

Trace amounts of coke, for sure. No, not enough to get your high.
Point is, you've probably got some coke residue on the money in your hand, or in your pocket and in your purse.

And that's not counting all the blow you inhaled last weekend at the Axe Lounge.

See, "A new analysis of 234 banknotes from 18 U.S. cities that found cocaine on 90 percent of the bills tested."

Drug lawyers and Billy Mays followers rejoice!
But not too much, "Levels of cocaine ranged from .006 micrograms to more than 1,240 micrograms - the equivalent of 50 grains of sand - on U.S. bills."

It may not be a lot, but still the drugs are there. Covering the heads of our dead Presidents no less. And we're passing them around in our daily lives.

Me. You. Your mistress. Her kids. We're all drug money launderers!

The shame!

No wonder that Just Say No gimmick was doomed to fail.

Read the full story, brought to you buy your friends at the (mostly coke-free) credit card industry, here.

Originally, I was going to title this "An Open Letter to Television Network Executives" but I realized it really isn't their fault. Also, I wanted to keep my job. Shows are being canceled. Good shows. Shows that require one to think. And yet shows that aren't worth the nourishment my bag sweat could provide remain on the air.

Forget health care, we need to reform our viewing habits. We need to change what we watch. Because, America, you're fucking it up for the rest of us.

My mother looks younger, and she's... older than Steven Tyler. From The Boston Globe.

(via Buzzfeed)

This kid is ready for his road test today!