Scientists in Australia have found a 400 million-year-old penis and it's still as hard as rock. Because it's a fossil, of course, belonging to an extinct class of fish called placoderms. But don't call it a fish stick, or any of the 1,100 other euphemisms that come to mind. This early penislike organ is called a "clasper", which brings up all sorts of imagery to make you glad you aren't a female placoderm. The clasper, or what's left of it, is made of bone, proving that boners are as old as ...um, 400 million years at least. Study author and paleontologist Dr. Kate Trinajstic marveled at the discovery.
"We were surprised because it's so big," she says. "We were expecting something smaller."
Well, of course she was being diplomatic in order to save the fish's ego, but the part about expecting something smaller rings true. We tend to try not to get our hopes up, don't we, ladies? The team of scientists was led by Australian paleontologist Dr. John Long. No kidding. The fossil was found in 2001 in Western Australia, where the fish are known to be unusually well hung.