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One Way to Pay for a Hit Job

furries-kidding.jpgOK, let me see if I have this story straight. Altogether it seems like one of those stories where you go around in a circle and everyone adds a line to a tall tale, knowing they don't have to be responsible for bringing it all together. Guy A and guy B meet each other in a forum for furries. That was enough to creep me out, but it gets much much weirder.

Turns out guy A, who is 24 years old, lives with his parents but would like to have the four bedroom house to himself. He'd like guy B, a 19-year-old, to murder his folks. He doesn't have money to hire a pro, because if he did he wouldn't be living with his parents. But he figures he can pay guy B off in kinky sex. In fact, he will go so far as to let guy B bite off his penis! Guy B, see, is the type who will kill two people for the chance to bite off a friend's dick. But that's not a real sacrifice for guy A, because he's had this fantasy of getting his tallywhacker bitten clean off for years! Is this weird enough yet? It reminds me of the old joke where a daredevil is going to do some horrific stunt to audition for the circus and says, "Now watch close, because I can only do this once."

Anyway, guy B starts to carry out his part of the deal but screws up just enough to be arrested. He attacks the older couple in the middle of the night but they fight him off and summon the police. Now guy A and guy B are on trial, but the parents still can't believe the allegations against their son. I would have a hard time believing it myself, if I didn't surf the internet as much as I do. They use real names in the news story, which was a bit confusing since three of the four characters have the same last name.

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12 Comments

When you think someone has hit the bottom of the well, someone else comes with a shovel and dig a bit deeper. It never ends.

I can understand the furry sex, it's sex anyway. I'm familiar with kids killing parents, not that I agree, but this is not the first time someone attempts to do it--thankfully no success this time.
Have the penis bit off. Seriously? I mean... why not go to a surgeon and have it chopped off? I wish his friend had done biting off the guys dick, so he could bleed till death or have a bad infection case and the worst painful death possible.

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 21, 2009 2:27 PM.

You said it Leo. This one's gonna be hard to top (no pun intended).

BTW, do furries get off at sporting events when they see like Rocky the mascot or something? Did they exist before the internet?

said E on July 21, 2009 2:31 PM.

Amateurs.

said Tim on July 21, 2009 2:56 PM.

this is like The Menendez Brothers meets 4chan. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?

said Sheriff Pablo on July 21, 2009 4:13 PM.

Like almost anything, furries fall under the 80-20 rule - that is, 80% of the effects (i.e., what average people hear about furries) come from 20% of the causes (i.e., the craziest fifth of the fandom). A hell of a lot of furries are squeamish about fursuits and fursuiting, for example - it's not like they're something "every furry does". Sex in fursuits is pretty damn rare (fursuits are too hot and too expensive for that to be practical). In fact, some furries (gasp!) aren't even sexually interested in the fandom at all.

It's just like it is with Religious View X or Political View Y - a handful of crazies make a whole lot of noise. The problem is that everybody knows a sane and rational Christian or Republican or whatnot in real life, and can realize that the loonies don't speak for the whole group, yet the only exposure they get to furries are... well, stories like this, or that one CSI episode, or a screaming pile of /b/tards.

E: Yeah, they did exist before the 'tubes, in the back alleys of science fiction conventions, living through magazines and mailing lists. I'm not really sure how that one worked; it was Before My Time and I don't really care enough to find out. As for getting off on college mascots? Man, I certainly hope not.

said Kit on July 21, 2009 5:20 PM.

Any subject. Any time. YesButNoButYes.

For the finest in social expertise.

said Tim on July 21, 2009 9:01 PM.

hmm.. penis biter offer club eh? i need more info on how you go about bitting a penis off. do they wait til it's flacid? i would think flacid would be easier to bite through. do they bite it off at the base or eat their way to the base?

see what i mean? need to know more.

said phatlard on July 21, 2009 9:25 PM.

See what you've done? Now I'm imagining the two morons, one standing, the other kneeling and eating the other's penis like Bugs Bunny eating a carrot.

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 21, 2009 9:39 PM.

Meh.....What's Up Doc?

said Sheriff Pablo on July 21, 2009 10:12 PM.

Hey all you beautiful people. I'm hoping to meet new friends here so drop me a note when you
get a chance.

I hope to make some quality posts soon but first I have to look around the forum and
familiarize myself with everyone.

Bye for now. lol

said Shenelle on July 22, 2009 6:45 AM.

Eh, all furriness aside, I wouldn't mind doing a hot chick made up to look like a bunny or leopard. The more I think about it... Yeah, I'm digging it.

However, the whole penis biting off thing just makes me think of "The World According to Garp: "I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick!"

Oh, and Shenelle, have you ever considered dressing up as a bunny and/or leopard? Always a good way to make new friends.

said Jason on July 22, 2009 11:19 AM.

Jason, are those leopards hot enough?
http://bit.ly/17L9a6

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 24, 2009 1:57 PM.
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