From The Imaginary Crime Desk...

You have to hand it to LaToya for keepin' it crazy. This is quite something. Similar to when Baxter took a deuce in Ron Burgundy's fridge and eat an entire wheel of cheese. You can't be mad, that's amazing.

LaToya told two British newspapers, The Mail on Sunday and The News of the World, that a shadowy element conspired to kill the King of Pop and Plastic Surgery.

Go on LaToya, cue the bats in the belfry and hit us with the scoop:

I believe Michael was murdered, I felt that from the start. Not just one person was involved, rather it was a conspiracy of people. He was surrounded by a bad circle. Michael was a very meek, quiet, loving person. People took advantage of that. People fought to be close to him, people who weren't always on his side. Less than a month ago, I said I thought Michael was going to die before the London shows because he was surrounded by people who didn't have his best interests at heart.

I think LaToya may be onto something. So, I popped on my deerstalker cap, fired up the Calabash pipe and went into the lab to break this allegation down. (I left out the cocaine.) Using my Holmesian deductive reasoning skills, I have a hypothesis.

The conspirators were able to plant a K2-sized amount evidence that MJ was involved in inappropriate activities with children. This would cause him to disappear from public view and not really make any new music. During this time, they were able to get him to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on creepy statues anyway. They also very craftily were able to get him hooked on prescription drugs. A lot of drugs. They were patient, these bastards, making sure that the addiction was out of control. Then, the conspirators booked 50 concerts in London because Jacko needed money. But wait! Here's the twist! Instead of letting him perform 50 shows and raking in money hand over fist, they forced a drug-induced heart attack. All this was done, to cleverly steal, negative $500 million dollars.

Diabolical...