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Harry Potter: A Warning
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It is with a heavy heart that I announce the opening of the next Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. As with such things that encourage practice of the occult, worshiping of false idols, and reading books, we at YesButNoButYes demand that you not watch this film. We understand you do not have the cognitive reasoning ability to separate fact from fiction, and therefore we must step in to stop you from corrupting the world and its children.

We're saving you from yourselves.

Let's take this piece by piece...

Stupid America
Americans are, obviously, too dumb to understand that black magic is dangerous, and things like trolls and dragons are an affront against God. Just look at the folks in Alabama who thought there was a leprechaun living in their tree. If that clip teaches us anything, it's that we can not wrap our minds around the great (and evil) powers at work in this world. What the Harry Potter books and films ask us to do is to support this kind of terror. If you read a Harry Potter book or see one of the films, you're basically asking for a leprechaun or other such creature to inhabit your foliage. A great example of this is the non-fiction work called Lady in the Water. Due to a lack of understanding, a whole apartment complex full of poor souls allowed horrible creatures to over-run their pool. You try getting leaf-fur out of a pool filter and let me know if you still think you're smart enough to handle supernatural creatures.

Reading
It's been well established that reading is inherently evil. In fact, you shouldn't be reading this right now. What these films and books are doing is encouraging people to explore different philosophies and ideologies. Basically to think for themselves. If everyone thought for themselves, we'd live in a world of chaos. A world without boundaries. The Harry Potter books are some of the worst offenders. Let's throw-out all the occult references for a second and look at the other things these books teach.
  • Friendship - Harry and his friends have built a group of friends so strong, they're likely to become addicted to huffing paint - and we all know what huffing paint leads to. That's right, full-on masked orgies with leather and vaseline.
  • Learning - Who wants to learn? Why should we think for ourselves when we elect people to think for us? These kids go to school, study, and try to improve their intellect. They've obviously never found the term "ignorance is bliss" in their study guides.
  • Fighting Evil - A wand won't help you destroy evil. Leave that to the holy water or Sarah Palin.
Kids, put down the books and pick up something practical like a slingshot or hunting rifle.

You Hate God
If you watch this film, you're giving the middle finger to God. Kirk Cameron has created some quality films over the past few years, and yet you throw your money at filth like this. The Harry Potter films are not works of God, but works of either Satan or Chris Columbus. If you're a Christian, and let's just hope that you are, you need to protest this film. Yell at the people waiting patiently in line to get into this film. Throw eggs (non-kosher) at them. Make sure they don't spread the message of Satan contained in this film. Save them from their ignorance.

Hermione
In case you haven't noticed, Hermione Granger is no longer a precocious little girl. Undoubtedly the work of black magic, she has blossomed from an innocent young woman into something else altogether. I heard a young man, upon viewing her on the cover of a magazine, explain that "he'd hit that". So what we're to believe that the evil has corrupted her so much that young and naive boys are want to physically abuse her. Another boy said he'd have to go home and play with his wand, thus further proof that her beauty is nothing more than an encouragement to explore magic and all its evils.

Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay
I knew it the second I saw him. Dumbledore was nothing more than a misguided homosexual. If I know anything, I know that gay men are attracted to old heavy set men, with long scraggly white hair and beards. Why does he surround himself with children all day? Why does he carry around that long staff? What's with the collection of Liza Minnelli albums? Whatever the heathens want to do in the privacy of their own homes/castles is fine with me, but I don't want to subject my children to a blatant homosexual sashaying in robes about a children's school while asking to have private meetings in his office. No, children need to be surrounded by manly men like Kevin Spacey and Anderson Cooper. Men who can teach them how to skin a deer! Open their beer caps with their teeth! Break another wrist while arm wrestling! Not put some dinky-dink potion into a pot and turn a plant into a talking apricot.

Thank you for your time. I'm sure with this knowledge, you'll go out and stop the spread of ignorance. We're only looking out for your, your family's, and our church's tithing's best interest.
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12 Comments

..and the papists are in on it, too!

See "Vatican gives Potter film four stars" at http://www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/0903210.htm

said Kevin L. on July 14, 2009 2:43 PM.

We are only want to help. We only want what's best for you.

said Johnny Wright on July 14, 2009 2:49 PM.

My daughter read all the HP books in third grade. THIRD GRADE! She has since read them all at least once more.

NOW... she reads all the time. Nancy Drew, those Cat Warriors, the City of Ember series, and on and on.

We got her a Nintendo DS in April for her record setting Accelerated Reading score during her fourth grade year. I've caught her using it as a book light! A BOOK LIGHT!

Damn Harry Potter.

said Brother Bill on July 14, 2009 3:54 PM.

No kidding Bill, as snobby as I am, I believe JK Rowling has done more to get children to read than anyone in the last 100 years.

said Johnny Wright on July 14, 2009 4:00 PM.

Please be sure to read my next post- The Nintendo DS: Game Console or God Divining Rod?

said Echowood on July 14, 2009 4:13 PM.

http://tinyurl.com/p2wmhs

Now Daniel Radcliff comes out as an atheist. Damn nice news.

said etantao on July 14, 2009 8:38 PM.

Right!
One is best left to reading the ancient works of fiction, full of magic and beings from other worlds.
One such book us called the Bible. I saw it once in a hotel

said Baierman on July 14, 2009 8:39 PM.

What IF.......I don't read the books. I only watch the movies? Think I'll be okay, then?

said EffenIdontcare on July 14, 2009 8:46 PM.

Here's a quote from Dan Radcliffe story. From one of the cats in an anti-Harry Potter club:

"I'm against Peter Pan, the Wizard of Oz. I'm against any kind of movie or book that has a kind of magical or cultish theme to it."

So ... most fiction is bad? What about talking animals? Can I read The Jungle Book?

Give me a break...

said Johnny Wright on July 14, 2009 9:02 PM.

Lord of the Rings? Star Trek? Nottinghill? (hey, it was magical to me)
Say it ain't so!

said EffenIdontcare on July 14, 2009 10:16 PM.

Although I live in relatively rural middle America and am a Christian, I am shocked when I occasionally run into someone who actually has this goofy view of Harry Potter or other fantasy stories. I don't understand their views, but as long as they don't picket the movie theater or organize boycotts of bookstores, they don't bother me much. Given the immense popularity of the Potter books and movies, I think these people are a tiny minority that are propped up by media outlets eager for controversy.

said dhanson on July 15, 2009 11:15 AM.

I agree, it's OK to watch the movies.

So when are we getting Bible II: The Christ Strikes Back?

said Scaramouch on July 16, 2009 1:16 AM.
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