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Frenzied Waters Tells Me I Was Eaten By a Shark
Friends, there are some strange events happening here in Gotham. Apparently I am dead. Eaten by a great white shark.

That is according to frenziedwaters.com.

Here's what happened:



I am dead...

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44 Comments

suckerrr! that's what ya get for reading past the .com part.


btw.. thanks for the waist of nearly 5 mins. of my day. i waited and waited for something really scary to jump out at me when i made the jump. gah!

said phatlard on July 9, 2009 4:21 PM.

I know what it's all about but i don't want to spoil the (extremely mundane) surprise for anyone else.

The answer lies on the keyring Johnny. that's all i'm sayin'

said Sheriff Pablo on July 9, 2009 5:00 PM.

Miss C's funeral was today. You can read about her box at Neatorama.

I love clever guerilla marketing! This was a most excellent stunt.

said Brother Bill on July 9, 2009 5:08 PM.

Johnny, do you live in a haunted house or is that your "mood" lighting for when you read the Snows of Kilimanjaro for the 46th time this year?

said Echowood on July 9, 2009 5:10 PM.

By the way, when the coroner asked me to identify your body, he gave me some "alone time" with your corpse. And let's just say I hope they don't take DNA samples during the autopsy. I grieved. I grieved all over you, mostly your back and in your hair and around your neck.

Sorry you're dead buddy. Can I have your collection or random Disney-inspired jewelry?

said Echowood on July 9, 2009 5:17 PM.

How dare you Echo. But, sure, you can have my skull rings.

That's my kitchen. Some phantom wiring in this joint.

said Johnny Wright on July 9, 2009 5:41 PM.

I dont know what this, But it seems cool.

said Rando Aces on July 9, 2009 5:53 PM.

And, Echo, you shut up about Papa Hemingway. He was in a similar predicament in 1954 when he crashed a plane in Uganda and limped out of the jungle after surviving on bananas and a bottle of rum.

To quote Papa after the ordeal, "My luck, she is running very good."

http://www.nytimes.com/books/99/07/04/specials/hemingway-jungle.html?_r=2

Now quit wasting my time. I need to get to the Jersey Shore to solve my own shark attack murder. Dick.

said Johnny Wright on July 9, 2009 6:15 PM.

Not to be a dick Johnny, but I wouldn't bother.
Have you ever stopped to think maybe this world would be better off without you?

said Frank the Tank on July 9, 2009 6:40 PM.

No time to think about that kind of thing Frank. Maybe you missed it, I was eaten by Jabberjaw.

Cheeky bastard...

said Johnny Wright on July 9, 2009 6:44 PM.

If I learned anything from the Colbert Report last week its that the dead can twitter. Now it turns out thay can also blog.
Oh the wonders on the internets.
What will it think of next?

said Frank the Tank on July 9, 2009 6:55 PM.

Wow, JW. Does this mean you can walk thru walls and shit?

said EffenIdontcare on July 9, 2009 9:38 PM.

I'm still trying to figure out just what my new powers are, pally. In addition to walking through walls, I'm also hoping that I will be able to make the perfect club sandwich.

said Johnny Wright on July 9, 2009 9:56 PM.

Say hello to Michael for me..

said CindylovesScara on July 9, 2009 10:13 PM.

I don't think I'm in hell, Cindy, but I'll have a look around.

said Johnny Wright on July 9, 2009 10:32 PM.

Echo, you really should have looked more closely at the body before proceeding with your 'alone time'. The "Rush 4ever" tat should have been a ...ahem... dead giveaway that something was amiss.

It was a setup.

and I've got pics.

Thank you for playing our game.

said Tim on July 9, 2009 11:13 PM.

And tell Billy Mays I want my 50 bucks back.

Oh, and can I have your Elvis glasses?

said Baierman on July 9, 2009 11:32 PM.

I'd like you to say hello to Rolling Stone magazine for me, Johnny.
I'll be the tall chick crying at your services. Complete with black roses

said Vicky on July 10, 2009 2:32 AM.

And while Vicky is at the service crying, I'll be tucked away at home having a celebratory drink.
(But really, If you are dead Johnny, You will be missed. I might actually cry. Might have a jerk at the same time, Using my tears for lube.)

said Frank the Tank on July 10, 2009 4:01 AM.

I don't think I'm in hell, Vicky, but I'll have a look around.

said Johnny Wright on July 10, 2009 4:08 AM.

Maybe they'll bury you within an earshot of Hendrix.

Sharks are dicks.

said Chad on July 10, 2009 5:16 AM.

No, I'm pretty sure I saw JW die twice in Ghost Town, once on the operating table, the second time by bus.

But at least he got a date with Tea Leoni out of it...

said Don't Swayze Bro on July 10, 2009 9:48 AM.

And don't go outside your apartment! Sand worms.

said Echowood on July 10, 2009 10:02 AM.

Johnny has said, twice now, that he doesn't think he's in hell. So I agree with Echo, he must be trapped in his apartment, having to share with the Deetz family

said Vicky on July 10, 2009 11:10 AM.

At least your shorts look like they may be still usable...

said Miss Cellania on July 10, 2009 11:30 AM.

The Deetz's and I are currently having a calypso karaoke jam.

said Johnny Wright on July 10, 2009 12:05 PM.

Come Mr Tally man, tally me bananas

said Vicky on July 10, 2009 12:30 PM.

Hopefully the shark ate his banana.

said LostInDaJungle on July 10, 2009 1:17 PM.

An advertising site called Agency Spy picked this up today. They made a point to say I "rasped" my plight.

http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/campaigns/frenzied_waters_a_campaign_for_your_gruesome_sharky_death_121270.asp

said Johnny Wright on July 10, 2009 2:40 PM.

I think that the best part of this whole thing is the use of "Bruce Willis" as a verb *in the past tense*.

Bravo.

said Crystal on July 10, 2009 4:43 PM.

I think the best part is I learned in the newspaper that I know how to surf.

said Johnny Wright on July 10, 2009 6:04 PM.

I can't find this on on Discovery's website. Can I get one of these jars? I'm willing to buy it and pay for postage.

said Ms. Kitty on July 12, 2009 5:30 PM.

Ms. Kitty, I really hope that is your real name. As far as I know these were just promotions and are not available for purchase. Sorry.

Thanks for reading/watching.

JW

said Johnny Wright on July 12, 2009 7:05 PM.

J-Dub, Just a quick question. If your dead does that mean we are not going to subjected to anymore of that God awful 3 chords & the truth?

said Frank the Tank on July 12, 2009 8:37 PM.

Sorry Frank. No such luck. Being eaten by a shark and roaming around as the living dead has only made me more powerful. And irritable. Not only will there be more 3 Chords, I will be more sarcastic and acid-tongued.


said Johnny Wright on July 12, 2009 9:21 PM.

To tell the truth I am glad. Of the 100 viewers of your last installment, I was 2 of them.

said Frank the Tank on July 12, 2009 11:47 PM.

No, you're not dead, THE REAL Johnny Wright is dead.
As some suspected when you "returned" from your quest, you're really a fake Johnny and not only you're using his name to blog but also is trying to be famous as his ghost.
You should be ashamed of yourself Mr Whoever-You-Are... May the real ghost of the real J-Dub haunt you and scare the shit off of you.

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 13, 2009 2:50 PM.

Leo, that's preposterous.

What are the odds that two people could end up looking like that?

There's only one Johnny Wright. Love him or leave him.

said Tim on July 13, 2009 3:08 PM.

Damn right.


said Johnny Wright on July 13, 2009 3:30 PM.

I was just pulling a Dave here.

Since neither him or his brother Thomas are here to polemicise...

I know you are you, J-Dub.

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 13, 2009 3:46 PM.

Damn right.

said Johnny Wright on July 13, 2009 3:50 PM.

Nobody has me reaching for the dictionary more than you, Leo.

It's an honor to have you around my friend. Perhaps you can teach English to the masses while you're here?

said Tim on July 13, 2009 3:56 PM.

I'm flattered, Tim.
One thing I ever done, since I started reading when I was 4, is to look up on the dictionary at least once/day.
You don't really know exactly what all the words you hear really mean... always liked to check any new stuff, either Portuguese or English...

said Leonardo Carvalho on July 13, 2009 4:10 PM.

Bem passado, Leo.

said Johnny Wright on July 13, 2009 4:22 PM.
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