Last night I was busy researching an article for mental floss on cryptid apes from around the world. Level of difficulty: no Sasquatch or Yeti. No problem, I found plenty of them. It was after midnight and I was looking at these pictures of the Skunk Ape. See, most cryptids don't have a set of photographs, so this was fascinating but oh so creepy. Look at those eyes staring at you. Would you be able to get close enough to a huge hairy creature staring at you like that to take a picture? I was looking through these to decide which one to use. I was sitting all alone in the office after midnight in total silence. The hairs on the back of my neck were beginning to stand up. After all, this ape roaming the small towns of Florida was obviously looking at me with a pair of glowing eyes I swear I've seen before looking in the window. Then...

...there was a huge crash to my left.

I jumped out of my skin! Then I felt a huge rush of heat all over. Then I hyperventilated. The kitten had knocked over a stack of things my kids didn't put away on the their computer desk. It still took a while for my heart to settle down. So, to replicate this adrenaline rush, you should wait until everyone else goes to bed, turn off the TV and the music, and then read about all the mysterious ape-men hiding in the shadows all over the world.

"Funny People" **1/2 (out of four): This isn't the type of comedy we've come to expect from Judd Apatow. And that's fine. But while this labor-of-love is at times bittersweet and raucously funny, it's also an over-long, meandering mess.

Early in "Funny People" - the latest from comedy wunderkind Judd Apatow - comedian George Simmons (Adam Sandler) is diagnosed with a terminal illness. After receiving the news, George's subsequent stand-up act takes a turn for the maudlin, causing an audience member to remark, "Wow, George Simmons is getting dark." The same might be said of Mr. Apatow. The writer-director of "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up" has been heralded as ushering in a new generation of feeling-man's comedy. One that has spawned such bro-friendly fare as "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "I Love You, Man". So audiences can be forgiven for feeling confused during "Funny People". This isn't the Judd Apatow we've come to know and love. And while that's not necessarily a bad thing, "Funny People" isn't enough of a step in a new direction. If anything, it wanders around for a while flirting with deeper themes, occasionally dipping back into the familiar comedy trough (when in doubt, say "balls").

Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

"Adam" *** (out of four): Autism speaks and has plenty to say in "Adam," the sweet-natured, atypical romance from writer/director Max Mayer.

Adam is not like other guys. He's the smartest person in any room he enters, handsome without a trace of ego, sweet almost to a fault. But there's something else that sets him apart: He has Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning type of autism.

Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

Pick a big pro sport in America and you'll quickly find trouble.

Football players can't seem to stay out of jail.

Baseball players can't seem to stray from the scandal of steroids.
What this, even the sacred Bawston Red Sox have abusers on their team? No...

NASCAR drivers can't find sponsors or money or fill seats.

And the NBA...wait you actually watch basketball? I thought sinking baskets was the new way for 18 year olds to get recording contracts?

As Mike Vick presses to come back to football, a boxer is gunned down in a hot pursuit shootout, and more baseball player's retreat behind lawyers for testing positive, I find myself searching for a sport that's still about sport.
A game that's pure, innocent and simple.

Where players are judged on ability and seem to play mainly for the love of the game.

(I know I'm not the only one.)

No, it's not college sports, kids.
There's too much funny money floating around the NCAA. The next recruiting scandal is just a month away I'd say.

Rather, my thoughts drift to the sport that's so easy to make fun of...

...(GULP)...

Love knows no bounds. She sees beyond race and religion. Beyond socioeconomic boundaries. And according to the creepiest dude in America, love exists out of your species.

The case of South Carolina resident Rodell Vereen is quite troubling. And vomit-inducing. Vereen (please don't be related to Ben Vereen, please don't be related to Ben Vereen, please don't be related to Ben Vereen...)was caught trying to make love to a horse named Sugar. I'm not making that up, the horse's name is Sugar. Another point to irony! Vereen (not Ben) committed this atrocity while on probation for attempting to violate the same horse.

Workers at the The Lazy B Stables thought that Vereen Not Ben would return to the object of his affection, so they set up a video camera. Wouldn't you know it, the guy shows back up to try it on with Sugar. Again. The act was caught on tape. (Please don't let the tape be leaked, Please don't let the tape be leaked, Please don't let the tape be leaked.)

Vereen Not Ben was busted at shotgun-point, pants at the ankles. He then told the stable staff he was "looking for a bathroom." Nice try kiddo.

Vereen was charged with buggery and tresspassing, and was held on $10,000 bail.

This week's episode of 3 Chords & the Truth has been delayed for a number of reasons. For starters, it seems Baierman didn't like what was in his contract and he's refused to allow us to release the next episode until we reinstate his "hooker per diem". Also, Johnny has been to every haberdashery in the city looking for a new cap, and hasn't found one he likes better than his Greek Fisherman's hat. And me, well, my penile reduction surgery went well, but it still burns when I pee.

Hopefully we'll have a new one up soon. In the meantime and for purposes of nostalgia - I've attached a few old clips from my college radio show in which me and my co-host "Krig" reminisce about the guy who use to read our news, "Crash" Christian. Enjoy.

The Night Life (Part I)
The Night Life (Part II)
The Night Life (Part III)

Here's a site that a lot of people are discovering, and laughing about. How do I know? 2 people sent it to me for Breakfast Links this morning.

Shiantology is the study and belief in actor Shia Lebeouf.

It is the belief in the power of Shia's spirit to clear itself of past painful experiences through self-knowledge, spiritual fulfillment and copious amounts of Arizona Ice Tea.

Shiantology places an emphasis upon Shia's immortal spirit, Shiacarnation, an extrascientific method of pshiachotherapy (Shianetics), and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, daily SHIA WALKING POSTS.

If you're looking for religion and you're afraid the one Tom Cruise supports. Shiantology might be for you. Seems it's spreading.

...Our first installment was brought to us by Rando.

Today's installment comes from Brasil and our good friend Leo.

Here we have the worlds strangest yoga teacher. This odd evangelist-cult-leader looking dude teaches kids yoga on TV. Along for the ride are his Rasta Rooster and his friend cow.
After these 2+ minutes you'll definitely be thinking something different the next time you hear the word "Vegetable."

Keep up the strange work Leo!