With so many 80's icons giving up the ghost this past week, there has also been crazy rumors floating around the interwebs. Jeff Goldblum fell off a cliff in New Zealand! George Clooney was attacked and mauled by a sasquatch! Natalie Portman spontaneously combusted! Again!I thought we should just keep the rumors going. I don't want the fun to stop. So, at random, I picked another 80's icon and decided to kill him off. Just to get the rumors going again.
BULLETIN! Olympic hero Carl Lewis is dead!*
Oh no, not another one. This is awful. What is going on Universe? Have you no mercy?!? Lewis was volunteering at the Los Angeles Zoo, helping in the elephant paddock. One of the pachyderms (named Mr. Bojangles) was really backed up and could not defecate. While attempting to give the beast an olive oil enema, tragedy struck. Mr. Bojangles unloaded and buried Carl Lewis in 200 pounds of dung. By the time other zookeepers arrived on the scene, Lewis had suffocated. LAPD has released this photo of the accident. Sad.
So, there you have it. Carl Lewis may have died too. Except he didn't.
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(* JW pulled this news from his keester)
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Sadly, if I had to bet on this. It'd be Patrick Swayze.
Or Amy Whinehouse.
Unfortunately, Swayze will probably be next, hopefully they can get Sam Elliot's Mustache to do the eulogy..
I bow my head...and hope Swayze can kick ass, again!
"The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated"
My biggest motivation to replace MJ as the pop king of the universe isn't the money and groupies but faking my own death.
Imagine the sincere and heartfelt letters I would get, and even better, being a fly on the wall and hearing what people really think of you.
Christmas came early for Goldblum. That experience is priceless.
Q: What's black and runny?
A: Carl Lewis.
Seriously though, I would have picked Jerry Lewis.