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A Little Time Off

wedding.jpgIf you keep up with who posts what, you may have noticed that I've not been holding up my end here at YBNBY lately. I apologize. You deserve an explanation.

For the last four years or so, I've been getting a lot of mileage out of my middle aged single status and lack of ...dates, sex, any kind of social life at all. I'm going to have to change my schtick somewhat because I'm getting married this week.

Now, there's no need to try to talk me out of it because I'm older than all of you and I've done this a few times already. When I was 45 I counted up and figured I had been married more years than I had been single. That's practically all my adult life. Five years of single parenthood later, the balance has shifted. And I got used to being alone. No, I wasn't lonely. I have two lovely daughters and lots of things to do with my life. Yes, I was looking for someone for quite a while, I love men in general and think they are great to have around, especially if you find a good one, but after a couple of short relationships that went nowhere -they weren't even really relationships, just a couple of guys I went out with- I had decided that dating was entirely too much trouble.

You see, a woman who is approaching 50 with little children is not exactly what available men are interested in. I once used this graph to describe the dating pool available to me in a posted called Sex and the Single Blogger.

400localmengraph.jpg

If fate were ever kind enough to find me a suitable guy in this mess, chances are there wouldn't be anything special between the two of us. So I looked outside my local area. Not really looked, but as I spent more and more of my life online, I met a lot of people, and a couple were unmarried men I had something in common with. Yeah, online. I never used a dating service, not even as a joke. But I did travel to faraway places to meet a couple of men I got to know online through my blog, which means we already had common interests and got to know each other a bit before meeting face to face. In one case, we just weren't compatible in real life. In the second case, time, fate, and distance came between us. Or maybe he just didn't like me, but being a gentleman he hid it well.

After such experiences, I gave up entirely. I had kids to raise and an internet to surf. I bought a house and dug deeper roots into small town life. Meanwhile, there was a guy close to my age right here in my town that had also given up on finding someone and had decided to concentrate on raising his kids. In the movie business, they would say we "met cute", when he bought the dishwasher from my old house.

The first time I looked at him, I was struck by how beautiful his eyes were. I had no reason to think he was available or nice or anywhere near my age or whatever. But he was looking for a bigger house for his kids and mine was empty, so he asked if I were going to rent it out. I put the attraction on the back burner, but it came back when he called to ask if I would rent the house to him. He had a lovely phone voice which made me all scatterbrained again, to the point where he began to wonder if I were a nut. So I had to clean the house, and he started showing up more and more often while I was there. Over time, I found he was yes, single, yes, close to my age, and has five children, the youngest being the same age as my youngest. Two of the kids lived with him, which gives us a LOT in common right there.

After I finished cleaning the house and he moved in, I didn't have an excuse to see him. However, he would call me every time a fourth-class postcard came to my old address. I began to suspect maybe he was attracted to me. By this time, I had developed a full-fledged crush, but I was afraid to make the first move. Meanwhile, he was wondering whether I was interested or if maybe I were this helpful and friendly to everyone. He got a hint when he saw I was flirting with him online. After a month of this back and forth, he called and told me the kids were with their mom for the weekend and he was lonely, so I dispatched my kids to grandma's house and told him to come over and hang out. Viola! relationship.

At the time, my criteria for a man was that he had to be 1) alive and b) unmarried. However, that was for keeping company. I didn't expect to ever marry again. The more I got to know this guy, the higher my standards went because it looked as if I wasn't going to screw this one up. After all these years and more marriages than I care to admit, the real test is how well a men treats me. And no one has ever treated me better, in ways that count long-term.

Oh yeah, there are lots of external factors that could derail a good relationship, like the challenge of parenting each other's kids. Let me tell you, being a single parent is no picnic. He had trouble because making a living severely interfered with raising kids, and I had a problem in that raising kids was interfering with making a living. That's how I lost my last radio job, after all. Having backup in running a family is a bonus for both of us. If either of us were childless, he/she would have run screaming from the situation.

loveddebt.jpgSo now you know why my attic construction has grown into a major expansion. In the time period between the wedding and the project completion, we will have six people living in two bedrooms. As many times as I've been married, I've never had a wedding shower. But that's for young people. Old people have a yard sale instead. Combining two households into one isn't easy. I have a lovely old Victorian home filled with antiques. He has a recliner that must be lined up with the TV. I told the kids that two cats was my limit. We now have a dog, two fish, three cats, and four birds. And the birds have six eggs.

If you want more details on the wedding, I posted more at my site. I may be missing in action here at YBNBY for the next couple of weeks, dealing with kids, wedding plans, honeymoon, and moving furniture. Then I gotta sell the old house. Oy. Ain't life grand?

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21 Comments

Congrats Miss C! You inspire me to hope that there's a chance for me yet?

said Laroo on June 1, 2009 9:28 AM.

Congrats! Wish you all the best :)

said valeriob on June 1, 2009 10:06 AM.

That's such a cute story, Miss C! Congratulations!

said Vicky on June 1, 2009 11:01 AM.

WOOT.. way to go from single-no sex life to married-also no sex life!

In all seriousness, congrats.

said Jimbo on June 1, 2009 11:04 AM.

Well that great news, just make sure your pre nuptial contract allows you plenty of time to blog - I'd hate to miss out on your online gems.

said yellowbelly on June 1, 2009 11:15 AM.

Congrats! Looks like we'll be looking forward a new TLC show documenting your life together. Miss C (and a Man) in Heaven with Seven. Ok, so that's a shitty title...

said Bigus Dickus on June 1, 2009 11:27 AM.

So happy for you and yours. Love always finds a way

said Baierman on June 1, 2009 11:36 AM.

Another small-town America, landlord/renter hookup success story. Congrats.


said Tim on June 1, 2009 11:46 AM.

Congratulations and mazel tov.

JW

said Johnny Wright on June 1, 2009 11:50 AM.

I'm so very happy for you and both of the families. Looking forward to hearing tales of the yours, mine, and ... ours?

said lame name on June 1, 2009 12:01 PM.

Why do I have the Brady Bunch theme playing in my head?

Oh, right. I'm Insane. Anyway, mazel tov, huzzah, and other such things.

said Your Mom's New Boyfriend on June 1, 2009 12:02 PM.

Congrats Miss C!

said Echowood on June 1, 2009 1:13 PM.

Congratulations Miss C. That's really great news. All the best to you and the future Mr. C.

said Jellio on June 1, 2009 3:42 PM.

Congratulations! It does seem like we always find the important things once we stop looking for them, huh? What a cool story.

So does this mean you will be "Mrs. Cellania" when you come back?

said Jeem on June 1, 2009 6:41 PM.

Miss C, I'm going to use the line "Young people have a wedding shower, old people have a yard sale." My Girlfriend and I have just moved in together after and I can sympathize with merging two households. Wait until you're arguing about who has the nicer spatula...

"We don't need 4 spatulas, throw that old one out."

"I like this spatula, throw yours out."

"Look, yours is old, mine is new. Why not keep the new one?"

"But I LIKE this spatula."

"OK, we'll each throw out one."

said LostInDaJungle on June 1, 2009 11:30 PM.

nice remix of a jurassic park quote... congrats!

said notjohndoe2 on June 2, 2009 2:22 AM.

Thank you, everyone!

Lame name, there will be no "ours", at least no new ones. Just eight years until they are all out of school! However, I bought that movie so the kids can pick up tips.

Your Mom's New Boyfriend, not quite the Brady Bunch, since there are six girls and one boy.

Jeem, no name change. It was hard enough learning to type the one I have!

LostInDaJungle, yeah, that's exactly it.

notjohndoe2, I don't know what you're referring to; I haven't seen that movie in many years.

said Miss Cellania on June 2, 2009 10:40 AM.

Miss Cellania,

it's a very compelling story. if you're interested (and i'd understand if you're too busy) we'd love to have you come tell the story at ahamoment.com . it's a site where people have been telling stories about big or small things happening to them and by telling the story, helping others who might find them inspiring. It was created by mutual of omaha who wants to help support these kind of moments and the people inspired by them.

thanks for considering,

Cam

cam@ahamoment.com

said Cam on June 2, 2009 6:23 PM.

Well I'm over 50 and have given up as well. Was single longer than married, raised the kids and no one is on drugs or in jail so I did good . I think you found the last good one so go and enjoy a great life together!

said jdocmartin on June 4, 2009 6:37 PM.

Miss C -
I was just talking to my sister late last night about how much I don't like weddings and how I think I would dodge any future BS, cookie cutter weddings if at all possible. But then I read about yours - I wish I knew more people who would cherish a well done home wedding. It sounds like a wonderful day. Thank you for sharing.
"I wish you way more than luck."
E

said Erin on June 6, 2009 11:42 AM.

It must be fate that I happened to read this on my hubby's and mine 20th wedding anniversary...I have officially been married half my life today, and trust me I have stories I'd have to pay you to believe...lol

I am thrilled you found someone so compatible, who treats you well...I wish the sun to shine on your day... may life always show you it's bright side...and as my dad said to me on my wedding day "You had to deal with a lot of assholes before you found this one, don't mess it up!" (Dad was so sentimental)

Have a good one!
~Judi

said NotSoTweetOne on June 17, 2009 8:14 PM.
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