ornate line
We understand...he'll try harder

Funny little excert from President Obama's commencement speech at Arizona State University, the school that thought the cumulative achievements of being elected President of the Harvard Law Review, Illinois State Senator, US Senator and first African American President of the United States were not enough to warrant an honorary degree from their school.

This is a school, by the way, that is ranked 121st in the nation by US News & World Report, accepts 95% of its applicants (that's right...95%), and is making headlines these days mostly because its cheerleaders like posing naked.

Go Sun Devils!

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A believe he should have been given an honorary degree, given that the state of modern education is geared toward the study and application collectivist/statist principles, and that President Obama has worked tirelessly in his promotion of such principles. The fact that these principles are completely opposite from the self-reliant, self-responsible principles upon which this country were founded, should have no bearing whatsoever.

said copycat042 on May 16, 2009 9:15 PM.

You must be from the East coast. All of you out there are such status whores. Seriously, who gives a flying fuck what rank the school is (especially for the even more worthless undergrad rankings).

said Alvin on May 16, 2009 10:53 PM.

I dont' get the joke here either. So ASU isn't as good as the Harvard so they shouldn't have given him an honorary degree? Wow. He's not going to get invited to many places if that's the standard. From what I caught of the video Obama was friendly and talked about sports. Didn't seem like he had a problem with their low standards.

said E on May 17, 2009 3:53 AM.

"So ASU isn't as good as the Harvard so they shouldn't have given him an honorary degree?"
I couldn't tell from Obama's speech if they gave him a degree or not. He didnt' seem to care. Which seems sensible.

said E on May 17, 2009 4:16 AM.

Obama's speech goes on to say that titles (especially honorary degrees) don't matter.

Amazing speech, I was there. It was worth the four hour wait. The whole thing was more of a rock concert than a commencement.

BTW - Alice Cooper sang "School's Out for Summer" just before Obama came on. YUP.

...naked cheerleaders?? ohh, right half naked cheerleaders :)

said bsilv on May 17, 2009 4:24 AM.

Wow, Jellio. You really know how to pick a fight, huh?

Whether you knew it or not, I am an ASU grad. I'm proud to be an ASU grad. I worked my ASS off to be an ASU grad. And I have made one hell of a good living ... with that certificate that says I am an ASU grad helping me to get my career started some 25 years ago.

I've met many a Grade-A, Ivy League jackass in my life. They've never intimidated me much. Neither has anyone degreed from any other school. A degree is nothing but a piece of paper certifying that the bearer knows how to learn and deal with bureaucracy. It opens a few doors. It's up to the individual to put it to work.

ASU didn't give him a degree. So what? He doesn't seem to care. Why do you?

Does Obama get an honorary degree, citizenship or whatever from every place he speaks? I seriously doubt it. Why does this bother you so much? Will you prosecute other schools with the same vigor when they follow custom and present a meaningless degree to someone that doesn't need it?

Perhaps ASU didn't want to give him a degree because they were afraid he might re-gift it to Sarkozy. That seems on par.

said Tim on May 17, 2009 9:26 PM.

Tim, my point is that becoming the "First African American President of the United States" should be enough to get an honorary degree at ANY school...ASU, Harvard or anywhere else. I really didn't get ASU inviting Obama in the first place, being McCain's home state, and all. But inviting him and not giving him a degree meant someone at the school was trying to make some sort of point, and they knew exactly what they were doing when they did it. Deciding not to give the honorary degree, which as SNL said the other night is "the equivilent of a world's best dad" mug, to any President of the US, let alone the first African American President is absurd. I can't even believe I have to defend that statement. And yes, I would expect every single college in the country to give him a degree, because, let me say it again, he's the First African American President of the United States. That's what all the world headlines were about when he was elected...it was a big deal! And Arizona State University, or any other school telling him he hadn't accomplished enough to deserve that stupid little piece of paper was insane.

As for making fun of ASU, that's not my point, here. I went to Colgate, a school where the running joke was "$16,000 cover charge, all you can drink", so I'm not about to mak fun of any school, anywhere. But if Colgate pulled something like this, I'd be the first one telling everyone I know how ridiculous it was.

So, once again, didn't mean to offend. As I mentioned, the whole thing just seemed very silly to me. And by the way, the Sarkozy regifting line was really funny.

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 1:06 AM.

Jellio, well said. If Obama is classed as an underachiever, god help the rest of us.

said Scaramouch on May 18, 2009 8:11 AM.

I think they should have given him the honorary degree.
He was given the presidency without any qualifications, why not an ASU degree?

said Dave on May 18, 2009 9:23 AM.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Can any of you Obama lovers can remember any notable accomplishments that he pulled off as a Junior Senator or as a community organizer?

Hell yeah, he deserves the degree because he's half African American.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 9:29 AM.

OK, Jellio, so you're off the hook on the ASU bashing ... I thought there was more there than you intended. I will wear my faded ASU patch with pride once again. I will also renew my subscription to Colgate Daily in your honor.

As far as the snub itself is concerned, I really don't think that someone at ASU was attempting to make a point by inviting the President of the United States to speak at commencement so that they could deliberately snub him in front of the world. If this was the case, the person would have been outed, labelled and flogged by the media by now. The decision to not give him a degree, as bad a decision as it may have been, was a decision made collectively by the Board of Regents or the equivilant. Judging from the AZ media coverage of this, the decision to present him with a degree wasn't even discussed until after the invitation was accepted.

I do take issue with your repeated claim that becoming the First African American President of the United States should warrant a degree on its own. I thought there was at least supposed to be some kind of accomplishment here. The millions of Americans that voted for him are the ones that really made change here. There's the accomplishment. I propose honorary Law degrees from Harvard for the lot of them.

Not so fast Sarkozy.

said Tim on May 18, 2009 9:54 AM.

Really though, can we lump him with the West Africans that were sold into slavery? Wasn't Obama East African? Correct me if I'm wrong wasn't Obama's Dad Arabic? Isn't Obama really 50% Caucasian, 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African? If that's the case, not only did Obama's Ancestors, 50% use the slaves but his 43.75% Arabic half was selling them into slavery?
He was raised by his white Mother? I don't know, but If I were of West African American decent and my ancesters were victims of slavery, and I had some dude that was claiming the same thing and I knew that his ancestors were actually selling my ancestors and the other half was buying my ancestors, and in reality this dude was raised white with a silver spoon in his mouth, and then I had some dude named Jellio was saying he deserved a degree because he overcame the oppression of his ancestors who weren't oppressed at all, I'd probably disagree.

But hey, I dissagree with trying to separate someone because of what their great great grandfathers may or may not have done, so either way it doesn't bother me. Give the man a degree. Isn't this what the this new presidency is about? Giving to those who haven't worked for it??

said Dave on May 18, 2009 10:07 AM.

Tim, Dave and Scara, appreciate the debate!

I guess I see the biggest accomplishment as his being elected in the first place. I'm pretty sure it's a big deal to millions of people in the US, and the reason he's got such high approval ratings now. That's something I actually didn't get about the Reagan years. I've heard many times that one of the best thing about Reagan was that he made so many Americans feel good about themselves, again, and I never really understood the tangible value of that. But I'm definitely starting to now. I think it translates into positive effects on the country in many different ways, especially in the face of a recession.

Also, in regard to winning the election, I think Obama has also been praised for the way he basically changed the rules (ie: using the Internet, getting young people involved, etc.). You could say Dean started that trend in 2004, but Obama's the first one who made it work. So I also put that one in the accomplishment column.

Finally, as for what he's accomplished in office, so far, he had me at stem cell research reversal. But that's a discussion for another day.

PS: Go Sun Devils!
PPS: Dave...vive la 6.25%

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 10:30 AM.

You can argue someone's lineage all day, but a person's experience growing up is always that they are treated as what they appear to be. At least outside the home.

said Miss Cellania on May 18, 2009 11:01 AM.

Dave, it sure was when GWB got his honorary degree from Yale in 2001.

said Scaramouch on May 18, 2009 11:03 AM.

O.K. people we have heard the argument from the J.V. debate team member Jellio.
Let's write down his arguing points:
1. No previous qualifications.
2. Highlighted the massive purchase of an election, and attributed that to a qualification.
3. Weak attempt to compare Obama to Reagan. (I, by the way nearly pissed myself laughing at that one.)
4. Stem cell research. I've gotta give you that one. That is our nation's biggest issue as of today.

Can we get something from the Varsity team now?

said Dave on May 18, 2009 11:08 AM.

Miss C. I forgot where Obama grew up?
I'm sure the Indonesians opressed the hell out of him for his skin color.
I know the Hawaiian natives are notorious for hating on the dark skin.

Good call, Miss C.


said Dave on May 18, 2009 11:15 AM.

Dave, you still haven't answered my comment about GWB. Tell us what you think he did to deserve that honorary degree, and we'll know what kind of yardstick you're using.

said Scaramouch on May 18, 2009 11:37 AM.

GWB obviously wasn't granted the honorary degree for his magnificent speech giving abilities.
Nor was it for being the first US prez to have attended school there.

Honorary degrees are like keys to the city. You don't have to do anything but show up to get one.

Otherwise they would charge you tuition or property taxes.

Dave, as one of the only black students in his high school, I'm fairly positive that Obama wasn't referred to as "that Hawaiian guy".

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 11:42 AM.

Mouche - Have you read anything? I said that I am all for degree's without qualifications? There isn't an argument there? That was my point??

S.O. That's right, W. Didn't have the teleprompter skills that Obama had.

I can't really judge Obama's speech skills because the only time that I heard him "off telepromper" he made fun of the handicap bowlers in the Special Olympics.

I will admit that Obama is a very good reader.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 11:50 AM.

S.O.-Good point. I know the Hawaiians are known for their ruthless acts of hate and intolerance.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 11:54 AM.

His March Madness bracket was pretty sweet.

said E on May 18, 2009 11:58 AM.

Dave, do you have to be a dick 100% of the time?
a) No previous qualifications? Who said that? I just didn't feel like repeating the list
b) Purchase of an election? Who the fuck said that? I said he totally reinvented the way elections are run, and WILL BE RUN from now on
c) Comparing Obama to Reagan. Do you think Obama ISN'T a great speaker? And his words haven't been motivating to millions of people?Because that's the only thing I was comparing there. What's wrong Dave, was I stepping on your patron saint?
d) Is stem cell research not an important issue to you? That probably just means you don't have relatives with illnesses, the research for which could benefit greatly from Obama's revearsal.

Seriously jr, I'm trying to not escalate these comment threads into the usual asshole against asshole shouting matching. But if that's what you're most comfortable with, douchebag, then bring it the fuck on.

Your better

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 11:58 AM.

PS: You're right Dave, no other President has had speech writers. Reagan was 100% off the cuff. Peggy Noonan must be a figment of my imagination.

And if the choice is to have a President who reads off a teleprompter, or one who sounds like a horse's ass 100% of the time, which would you rather have? Oh wait, I already know.

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 12:03 PM.

Jellio, Dave has had my back once or twice---so I deplore you to knock that asshole percentage down to 78%!!!!

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 12:59 PM.

Jellio, Dave has had my back once or twice---so I deplore you to knock that asshole percentage down to 78%!!!!

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 1:01 PM.

damn internet.

but you get my point--loud and clear

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 1:02 PM.

I'm sorry that my smile didn't translate through my typing. Everything I have written has been in good fun, and I meant nothing personal by the things that I wrote. I never mean anything personal by the things I write. I just wanted to stimulate a little spirited debate, and I know that I can be taken wrong sometimes.

And for that I'm sorry.

Your comment:
"Seriously jr, I'm trying to not escalate these comment threads into the usual asshole against asshole shouting matching. But if that's what you're most comfortable with, douchebag, then bring it the fuck on."

I thought was a little uncalled for. It nearly tempts me to tap into an uglier testosterone controlled side of myself.
In all seriousness though, if a man ever talked to me that way face to face, his next conversation would be without teeth. But hey this is the internet and it's easy for anyone to talk tough. So I'll refrain from it.

I'll just give you my apology Jellio and walk away. I'm sorry to everyone in this forum if anything was taken personal. I meant nothing by it, I just wanted a spirited debate. I was having fun and it was taken as not fun and I didn't mean it to be that way.
I respect all your opinions and I'm sorry if sometimes that doesn't translate.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 1:02 PM.

Do you guys want to hug it out?

said E on May 18, 2009 1:05 PM.

Do you guys want to hug it out?

said E on May 18, 2009 1:08 PM.

Do you?

Do you?

Do you?

I think E needs to see two men hugging....

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 1:10 PM.

Damn double posting.

said E on May 18, 2009 1:11 PM.

Bipartisan man on man action - h4wt.

said E on May 18, 2009 1:13 PM.

Sarcky? You 'deplore' him to?

said Tim on May 18, 2009 1:16 PM.

On a side note, Jellio, I think your rage is furthur proof that I spanked you and you have absolutely no foundation in your argument.
I'll walk away knowing that you know that I got the better of you.

Love Your Daddy,


said Dave on May 18, 2009 1:20 PM.

ok, maybe I got carried away just a bit. My guinea lineage getting the best of me again. Apology back.

On a side note, Dave, you do tend to misread many responses. Seems to be a reading comprehension issue. You may want to look into that. And I really shouldn't take advantage.

Good luck at the crosswalks, short bus. Be careful out there :)


said Jellio on May 18, 2009 1:32 PM.

wrong word usage.
color me confounded....

said sarcastic one on May 18, 2009 1:34 PM.

I was actually quite pleased to see what Jellio wrote about the comparison to Reagan. I have written here many times that I think the inspiration and leadership a person can bring to the country is one of the primary qualifications for the Presidency. It provides the most benefit to the people overall ... political ideologies and agenda aside. I have to give Obama that; he does inspire.

Why he inspires is subject to debate I suppose, but it really doesn't matter when the country needs inspiration and leadership whereever it can be found.

I didn't vote for Obama because I felt that McCain would be a good leader (albeit not as inspirational) in his own right and would bring more experience to the table. Either way, we needed change in a big way. I didn't have any big problem getting behind Obama and pray for his success because I really do believe that he brings some of that same hope that Reagan did.

We'll see if he can keep the fire burning when all the crap starts hitting the fan once all the artificial economic stimulus starts to wear out. I hope he's saving some of that inspiration for later. We're gonna need it in a few years.

said Tim on May 18, 2009 1:34 PM.

I can't believe that a dude that makes cupcake shaped tables for a living just wished me luck on the short bus.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 2:44 PM.

awesome :)

Slight correction...I was calling you "short bus". Maybe it's my grammar?

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 3:04 PM.

As the token Brit, can I ask - this "short bus" thing - is it some metaphor for the difficult subject of reduced genital size and the subsequent unwarranted disenfranchising that can come from a socially intolerant society of this little understood and unfortunate syndrome? Or is this about retards?

said Scaramouch on May 18, 2009 3:16 PM.

Anti retarded folk bias.

said E on May 18, 2009 3:35 PM.

It's not your grammar, you just bore me. I'm used to engaging and entertaining writers at YBNBY, and I've always had a hard time fighting the urge to just skim over your useless cut and paste fluff.

My bad.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 3:37 PM.

Now, I'm just being a douche bag.
Sorry, I'll give ya'll a little break.

said Dave on May 18, 2009 3:52 PM.

no, no...please don't stop on my account. Lately, I'd skim over some of my stuff, too. I'll try to tune up my game in future posts.

(Scara, it was the latter. Very un-PC on my part)

said Jellio on May 18, 2009 5:21 PM.

All right, so maybe Davie and his gang were really being sarcastic, but - my god - I can't believe how off-target this whole "debate" is going in Comment-Land.

Let's start simple and just connect the dots here (all, like *four* of them) so we can all just appreciate exactly how much funnier fact is, vs. fiction . . .

1. ASU and most other colleges give out honorary degrees like effin CANDY with no real consideration of "qualifications" or lack thereof. Hell, the prime minister of CANADA got one from ASU, and she was only PM for like four months, but that doesn't even really matter. Let there be no doubt - "qualifications" have ZERO to do with these honorary degrees, and EVERYBODY knows it.
2. ASU says it decides to not distribute the candy degree to the Pres of the US . . . because of a "lack of qualifications", though such standard has NEVER been used to pass out such "degrees". EVER.
3. What is the conclusion from these first two factoids above?? Simple - ASU really really wanted to insult the current president, simple as that. They don't like him, they don't like his politics, they don't like anything he stands for. So screw him. NO SOUP for him.
4. Talk of "socialist" policies, talk of any sort of serious assessment of "qualifications", talk of the Prez somehow not 'deserving' of this empty ceremonial scrap of paper is idiotic, or, to give the Dave and the Gang the benefit of the doubt, simply taken as an opportunity to bash the guy they hate anyway to begin with, in the Comments Section.

So, are we clear on this now? Do we now understand the absurdity of actually "discussing" qualifications for an honorary degree from ASU??? Can we all just recognize the Elephant in the Room and just acknowledge that this is a simple case of F-You from ASU to the president? Of the United States? Nothing more, nothing less?

Although . . . Come on. Let's all just recognize the Second Elephant In The Room here: Coming from a "top 17" party school, 121st academic ranking (is it really even that high???), and one that, in the words of SNL, is only a little bit more selective than the Burger King Kids Club (95% acceptance rate), you have to appreciate the flat-out absurdity/hilarity of such an "institution" deigning to withhold an honorary degree to the president of the US of A . . . . for lack of qualifications. You can't make this stuff up, people.

If you can't see the belly-busting, laugh out loud, smashingly absurd irony of this, then . . . well, I can't help you.

You're welcome.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 2:42 AM.

I'd like to see Obama give the commencement address to the University of Phoenix.
It'll be a web cast of course.

said Baierman on May 19, 2009 10:05 AM.


I think it's wonderful that you rolled off your brother long enough to catch a few moments of SNL. Your command of the facts received from a 2-minute skit has certainly given you exclusive access to the knowledge required for such a thorough assessment of the situation and the qualifications needed to come to such insightful conclusions.

It makes perfect sense to me that a Pac-10 university would scheme to set up the President of the United States for a public smackdown whilst attempting to encourage all collegiate rejects in the country to apply for admission.

I thank the good Lord above every day for people like you that can come along as so eloquently summarize all the things that have already been said without sounding pompous or arrogant.

Your friend,


said Tim on May 19, 2009 10:21 AM.

Everyone keeps harping on the acceptance rate...which I'm sure bugs Tim. But here's the thing...Tim *graduated* from there.

What is ASU's graduation rate (how many enter and subsequently leave with a piece of paper)? Some schools admit larger numbers of students the first year, put them through the wringer, and bank on a percentage dropping out/getting kicked out. You do this every year and you continue to have a steady revenue stream. LSU Law is renowned for this, I'm sure that undergrad programs do the same.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 10:43 AM.

Thank you for that introduction, Sarcky. The fact that you are willing to stand in for me despite my tendency to point out your overall sluttiness on a regular basis makes you a better human being than I. You are a good friend.

For those that choose to get their information from video snippets and pop culture instead of reality, let's set some facts straight:

- ASU has an acceptance rate of 92%, not 95%. This rate has been inflated in recent years due to the need to fill a second campus that was opened. That campis includes continuing education, which has a much higher acceptance rate ... just like any other school. The real acceptance rate at ASU is about 86%. By comparison, Seton Hall, Iowa State, Missouri, Kent State, Marshall and Oregon State all have higher acceptance rates. Those are just the first examples I found; there are many more.

- The mean GPA of all students accepted last year is 3.34, with an ACT of 23 and an SAT of 1077. This is with a student population of over 67,000. By comparison, UCLA has a mean GPA of 3.68, ACT of 24 and an SAT of 1170 on an enrollment of only 37,500.

- There were 188 National Merit Scholars in last year's freshman class. That places ASU third among public universities nationwide and eighth overall, ahead of both Princeton University and Stanford University.

- 40 percent of ASU students who apply for Fulbright awards to study overseas have been chosen to receive the grants. (Harvard's acceptance rate is 22 percent.) This year, 16 ASU students received Fulbright awards, more than Columbia University, Princeton University, or the University of Texas at Austin.

Not to mention one of the top Journalism schools in the country, as well as a top-10% ranking for it's Engineering and Business schools.

ASU gets a bad rep because it is a party school. They do know how to party. So what? Is there anything better than studying hard and partying hard in college? Wish I could do it all over again ...

said Tim on May 19, 2009 11:57 AM.

Righto, Timmie.. Hear you loud and clear:

1. You called me a gay.. ouch. I am duly chastised and offended. I'll have to be more careful not offend you, in order to avoid your razor sharp wit.
2. You are wrong about my facts coming from just a two minute SNL skit (which was, let's be honest, a screamingly funny 2 minute SNL skit). I also got my facts from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. So there - proof that I indeed engage in a "thorough assessment of the situation".
3. Speaking of thorough assessments, you're not implying that ASU's decision to deny Mr. Prez their highly coveted coffee mug "degree" was the result of a thorough and thoughtful assessment of the Prez's qualifications, are you? Please tell me you're not doing that. I thought we covered how idiotic such a premise is.
4. That's right - you went to ASU. Hence your sharp words directed at me. I probably insulted you and for that I am sure I will burn in hell, surely.

Anyway, facts are facts, and in this case the fact are off the charts hilarious.

Timmy's friend,


said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 12:15 PM.


The graduation rate for ASU is about the same as U of A. I'm not sure where it is recently, but I think it is somewhere around 60%. That is low, but it is also slightly skewed by the fact that most of the Southwestern colleges have a much higher percentage of low-income, Hispanic and Native American students that tend to take fewer classes and work to help support their families.

said Tim on May 19, 2009 12:16 PM.

Tim, I'm just seeing if I'm really cut out to be a lawyer--can I defend *anyone*? Apparently my alleged sluttiness enables me to do so (I've perfected whoring myself out/selling my soul already).


With a student body that large, there has to be a party atmosphere. But it is obvious from someone's posts here that they do turn out a graduate or two with a brain.

I won't point out that my alma mater has an acceptance rate of 34.8%. How many people you accept as a university is linked to standards, but it's also linked to the size of a campus and the ability of a community to support x number of undergrads and grad students.
If there aren't enough buildings or enough housing, then you can only accept so many students.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:18 PM.

U of A...Univ of Arizona, Arkansas, Alabama, Alberta, Afghanistan....?
Help me out here...

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:20 PM.

Umm, ShinyHappy, he mentioned that you rolled off your brother.

With your choice of names, no icon pic, and no IDing info in your profile to reveal what type of genitals you are sporting, I also assumed you were a female.

Just saying.

Also, his name is Tim.
By signing off as "Timmy's friend", you are associating yourself with Timmy from South Park. Nuff said.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:24 PM.


I didn't call you gay, I just assumed you were a chick. I've never met a ShinyHappy dude before. Pretty.

And you're right ... I am duly impressed with the sources you utilize to gather your knowledge. SNL, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Three comedy shows. Terrific.

Perhaps we can next debate the merits of nuclear energy generation as seen through the eyes of Bugs Bunny?

You are a true master of research.

said Tim on May 19, 2009 12:31 PM.


OK, so let me get this straight (no pun intended). If Tim thought I was female and accuses me of "rolling off" my brother . . . then . . . .what? . . . his point was that I am a dirty slut who engages in incest?? Tim, I know we've had some rough times, exchanged some snarky remarks during all our time together, but you gotta help me out here. You meant to call me gay, right? Wasn't that your point there?

And sorry about the Timmy thing. Sarc is right - I put myself in an awkward situation vis a vis South Park. Won't happen again.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 12:36 PM.

Gay is not an insult around here.
Being a brother fucking whore is.

Just to clarify--I'm not calling you either thing, just helping you to understand what is and what is not an insult.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:43 PM.

Oh, and if you thought that "rolling off of your brother" meant you were gay, that means either you took brother in the we're all a part of the human family way...or that you were gay AND engaging in incest.

Nothing wrong with the gay part...not leaving the family compound to have sexual relations is the wrong part.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:46 PM.

Ouch - more sharp barbs from The Mind Of Tim.

Good one calling me out on my "research". Wow, didn't see that one coming.

Now that you point it out, I see now that maybe what you're saying is that three comedy shows is not really research. Jeez, thank God you're here to point out these things for me. And here it was, I thought that those three "sources" were in fact legitimate research.

Good thing that ASU-honed mind of yours caught the absurdity of my sources and made the subtle point that they really aren't "legitimate" research. Without you, I would have continued to write my Phd dissertation based solely on TV comedy. Now I'll have to rethink my strategy, with this new information you've provided.

Thank you thank you thank you.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 12:47 PM.

Honey, don't come here with a superior attitude then act surprised when someone jumps your shit.

People around here do actual research to back up their claims. I love Jon and Steven but wouldn't dream of bringing them as my weapons to an intellectual knife fight.

Might as well bring a water gun to do a drive-by shooting.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 12:52 PM.


University of Arizona. Another well-respected school ... unless you're an ASU grad. They are the Duke of Arizona. You have to respect them and their basketball prowess, but you don't have to like 'em.

Now back to the show ...

The other thing that people don't take into consideration is that most state universities base their admissions standards on the high school testing results of that state. (They are state-funded after all.) ASU is no different.

Arizona does not have great high school numbers. Again, there is a higher percentage of students that drop out to help in low-income families. That skews the numbers lower and everything cascades from there.

I'm curious ... if you were to take the student body of, say, University of Illinois and have them exchange locations with the student body of ASU, what would happen to the overall GPA of those students? I suspect that you would see a slight reversal in GPA and graduation rate based on the environment change alone. Anyone that has walked around the ASU campus in September knows exactly what I am talking about.

said Tim on May 19, 2009 12:55 PM.

Ok ok ok. sorry sorry sorry. I thought that Tim thought that calling me "gay" would be an insult.

I see now that what he really meant to say was that I was a Brother Fucking Whore.

I'm glad we got that all sorted out.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 12:56 PM.

Well, maybe not a whore...unless you have an Osmond size family with lots of brothers to choose from.

But definitely a brother fucker.

Tim, if you mean scantily clad co-eds, then that would hold true for most warm weathered college campuses in September.
Of course in Illinois they might be keeping the dorm heat cranked just a bit too high, causing their girls to walk around indoors in less clothing.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 1:02 PM.


"intellectual knife fight"? Is that what we're doing here? Engaging in serious, thoroughly researched debate? Dude, the site is called "yesbutnobutyes". It posts amusing/funny/ironic stuff. And it's great - I thoroughly enjoy it.

But let's be serious - "people around here do actual research to back up their claims". That's what you said . . . did you know you said that?? Do I have to explain why that's so funny?

Lighten up, Sarc, nobody's unhappy or surprised about anybody jumping on anyone else's shit. This is a comments thread, on a site that specializes in comedy/irony/and the like. It's not a peer reviewed academic research forum.

"people around here do actual research" . . . . . you just can't make that stuff up - love it!!

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 1:08 PM.

That's true, Sarcky, but ASU is a little more than just 'warm-weathered' in September. Those California co-eds that couldn't get into UCLA come to ASU and really perk up the place.

Well, until the first semester grades are posted. Then, it's off to UCSB or UCSD for them and we have to wait 'til next year for the new freshman crop to arrive for harvesting.

To your point, where are most of the nation's biggest party schools? In the warmer climates.

As far as indoor heating at the cooler-climate campuses is concerned, it's not the same. At ASU, they are scantily-clad everywhere ...

P.S. Boys too, Sarcky. Just saying ...

said Tim on May 19, 2009 1:19 PM.

Oh crap---I just realized I've spent the last year on a humor site, not a peer reviewed academic research forum.

no wonder why that grant to study the nocturnal emissions of drone bees has not arrived yet.

SH, read one of LostInDaJungle's longer responses and tell me that no one around here does research (particularly the ones related to autism and NASA).

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 1:20 PM.

Jellio ... er, I mean Shiny,

Thank you for admitting that all your comments have been nothing but meaningless banter. It's been fun.

You may now roll back over and get to gettin'.

I'll keep an eye out for your application for admission to ASU and make sure it sees the fast track. Good luck with finals and make sure you wrap that rascal after prom. You know how fertile Aunt Mary is.

Your friend in fact-finding,


said Tim on May 19, 2009 1:34 PM.

Don't feel bad, Sark. I've had a lot of startling realizations myself in this comments section. For instance, just today, I've had these surprising things pointed out to me:

1. I am a Brother Fucking Whore - or at least a "brother fucker." Who knew??
2. TV comedy shows are a "no no" for research and will subject you to great condemnation by Those Who Keep The Research Golden. Again - imagine my surprise!
3. This is a serious academic forum. No sarcasm allowed. OK - got the message.
4. Some people (LostInDaJungle) post long responses filled with real research. Um . . . So?
5. People got each others' backs round these parts and that's a good thing. Sarc - hats off to you for having Tim's back. I can't get away with Any witty barbs towards Tim without Sarc jumping in and breaking it up. Wish I had a Sarc . Where do you get them?
6. Lastly . . . . . can't we all just agree that ASU not giving the Pres the "honorary degree" because of a perceived lack of qualifications/experience is flat-out hilarious? Is there any real doubt about how absurd that is - the idea that an "honorary degree" is somehow a merit-based degree? Come on, people. You really Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 1:34 PM.

1. What is equally hilarious is that some people can make such a big deal out of someone not receiving something that means nothing.
2. Done.

said Tim on May 19, 2009 1:38 PM.

for the record, research is platinum.

showers are golden.

thanks for engaging in our hazing ritual.

btw, you don't just acquire a Sarc--you earn one.

said sarcastic one on May 19, 2009 1:39 PM.

Q: "Lastly . . . . . can't we all just agree that ASU not giving the Pres the "honorary degree" because of a perceived lack of qualifications/experience is flat-out hilarious?"

A: No. Because neither Obama nor anyone else with a life gives a shit. Try not to loose too much sleep cause of this Shiny.

said E on May 19, 2009 1:59 PM.

. . . I like how all of a sudden it's all about "nobody cares - why make such a big deal Shiny - nobody gives a shit" . . . when at the start of this journey/thread it was filled with "debate" as to the legitimacy of ASU's denial of the Coffee Mug Degree. Now it's all - who cares anyway and please shut up.

But I care.

I do. I really do.

You know why I care? Because you Just. Can't. Make. This. Shit. Up.

Comedy/hilarity is where you find it, and it's funniest when it's real life. And ASU pooped a big bowl of Real Life Funny when they did this.

And speaking of legitimate research and TV comedy, let me just say, from a purely academic comedic structure point of view - SNL was handed an underhanded slow-pitch Softball from ASU with this one - it's not surprising they knocked it out of the park in their 2-minute skit on the subject. The only mistake they made was not sending ASU a Thank You card for making their job so easy. Give credit where credit is due, I say. That's what you have to do in Serious Research.

But, through all of this, the point is, I will Fight To The End to defend my right to point out real life's occasional absurdity. And this particular incident is one for the record books.

It's a lonely fight, but it is my destiny.

And perhaps, if I persist, I will be rewarded eventually with a Sarc of my own . . .

PS - Tim, you got me again with a couple more witty/sharp barbs. Again - ouch. I'd come back with a pithy ripping riposte that would Put You In Your Place, but with Sarc hiding in the shadows ready to pounce, I know how that would go. Best left unsolved, I say. Damn you, Sarc!!!

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 2:28 PM.

I find you funnier than ASU Shiny. Absurd too.

said E on May 19, 2009 2:36 PM.

Thank you, E.

Given the high quality of Comedy Verite coming out of ASU these days, your finding me funnier / more absurd than that . . . well all I can say is Thank You. My job is done . . .

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 2:47 PM.

I never really entered into the debate about whether ASU's snub of the President was justified, Shiny. I have simply responded in kind to your repeated attacks on ASU as a legitimate university and the insults you continue to hurl my way as an ASU graduate. Go back and read your original 'factoids' versus the 'Second Elephant' commentary you chose to add. That is where I have taken issue with you.

The only thing that I have questioned was your conclusion that ASU set up the President so that they could deliberately snub him. Right. Good one, ASU ... the President and his staff were too stupid to see your evil plan and fell for it despite two weeks' continual press prior to the event.

As far as the SNL skit is concerned, comedy is a lot easier when one invents the facts that are the basis for the comedy. SNL invented and/or embellished the facts they used. Still, it was a funny skit. You found it to be not only 'flat-out hilarious', but based in facts that you used in this thread. Now, you're hiding behind the comedic value of it all.


said Tim on May 19, 2009 3:27 PM.


Sorry I insulted your alma mater. I suppose I'd get riled up if somebody insulted mine. Sorry about that.

My alma mater didn't snub the prez (deliberate or not), but if it did, I can see people taking pot shots at my dear old school. And I'd get upset at them, too, those (theoretical) bastards. So, just trying to see it from your perspective, sorry for dissing your school.

ASU is a fine institution, I have no doubt. And I'm sure it had awesome reasons to not award the honorary degree to the president of the US. Ok, sorry - I couldn't write that last sentence without just cracking up.

In any event, thank you for the fun facts about ASU, and I'm happy we found some common ground about the SNL skit.

I see your Whatever and raise it two Go-Sun-Devils.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 5:27 PM.

asu si for riitards enewaa


env i cude gitinto asu

it lik a cumunitee colige but eezier to gitinto

i mene dam tim a munky an hi gitinto ti

i cude bi a prfesr at asu

thn i git lota bichs


said Thomas on May 19, 2009 6:06 PM.

See? Now that's a smackdown!

Why can't all riitards be more like Thomas?

said Tim on May 19, 2009 7:09 PM.

Nice Try, Thomas.

Bak up ur possts wit reserch.


lern thu rools.

said ShinyHappy on May 19, 2009 8:10 PM.
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