It seems that every three weeks a story comes across the wire that Jesus has graced us with His presence on an inanimate object. Could be a grilled cheese sandwich. Or a tortilla chip. Or a dental x-ray. It happens a lot. These manifestations are signs from above. I don't want to hear this "just a coincidence and the image on a half-melted plastic spoon could also pass for George Carlin" nonsense. They don't sell just anything on eBay, right? They sell the Lord's image on a tuna melt on eBay. There's strict quality checks done over there.
Every once and a while His mom makes a special guest appearance on a chunk of firewood or freshly cleaned bay window. Nice to see you Mary. Strange that it's in my oatmeal, but still.
These occurrences inspire people. That said, there are other places that I wish Jesus would appear to move people to pray and hock on the internet. Spots that would truly amaze.
Tommy Lee's Tattoos - His explanation on TMZ would be classic. "Dude, I don't know what to tell you. This was supposed be another tribal design and a skull wearing a top hat with a snake slithering out the eye socket and look what happened. The Lord!" Miracle. 3-D Poster - When you squint your eyes and look through the picture you were supposed to see an 18th century fully rigged schooner, but ... hello! Look who showed up.
Nectarine - It's a wildly underrated fruit. A Son of God image on a half-gnawed pit would give the nectarine the publicity it deserves.
Infield Dirt at the Crappy New Yankee Stadium - After the grounds crew drags the infield in the 5th inning, a familiar holy face is seen in the soil just in front of the pitchers mound. You can make out eyes, ears, nose, beard, etc. Then Hank Steinbrenner would come out of the owners box to stop the game so he can auction the Jesus Infield at Christies.
Knish - Just for the irony.
Donald Trump's "Hair" - You never know what could materialize in that bird's nest. Once during a clip on The Soup I thought I saw a jackalope.
Photograph of a California Wildfire - Sure, some of the residents of Malibu may have lost their homes, but the vision of the Baby Jesus in the flames would probably comfort them.
iPhone Application - For only $.99 cents you can make your cell phone miraculous.
Right Next to the "Face on Mars" - Freaky. A Rabbit's Foot - If that happens, but some lottery tickets, bub. That's like owning a "Grays Sport Almanac."
On Renee Zellweger's Face - It would make her less off-putting and almost pleasant to look at.
A "Moons Over My Hammy" from Denny's - Preferably this would have happened before 2004 so I could have heard Tom Brokaw say "Moons Over My Hammy."
It seems to me that all those would be better than seeing rosary beads inside a sliced tomato.
Miracles.
Selah...
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I want to see Jesus show up at the premier of a big hollywood blockbuster. On the Screen. 30ft high in dolby digital surround sound. Jesus has the budget to pull it off I'm sure.
with JLH on his arm.
That's some good photoshop or crust art. Either way - a miracle. Very humbling indeed.
"Though art crispy Oh lord."
Do you find it funny that it's never an atheist who finds this crap and is miraculously taken under "Jesus' power"?
It's always some down on their faith christian looking for a sign.
Usually I reserve my skepticism for something worthy (as opposed to mindless chuckles like finding the image of a fictional character, whom nobody actually knows what they really look like should they happen to be real). But this "proof of Jesus" trickery, ladies and gentlemen, is complete bullshit.
We may not have gotten to hear Tom Brokaw say "Moons Over My Hammy," but at least we DID get to hear him say "bukkake" and "tax cunts":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AZtWGB1Khc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7uQZkYMztU
Praise be!
On the hood of an electric green 1970 Plymouth Barracuda with a 426 hemi. Jesus was totally balls-to-the-wall.
Knish. Most definitely.
I'd like his face to show up in the flesh.
I'd love for him to return. Finally. It would be wonderful to see all the various factions of Christianity jockey for his grace and honor. Or watch them discredit him. Which, I guess, if they want to stay in business they'll need to do.
Because I like to taunt lightning strikes, I would like to see him walking out of the DVD store that Johnny profiled...he'd be in there correcting their grammar.
And catching up on technology from the last 2000 years or so.
An evolutionist recently reported seeing an image of Charles Darwin in a grilled cheese sandwich. Scientists from around the world have come to see the image and give their praises saying this proves natural selection.