Monkey News!

I know this sounds like Rudyard Kipling, but hand to heaven I'm not making this up. Well, maybe some of it I made up. I'll take a few creative liberties.

At the Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species in South Carolina a beautiful friendship has formed. Suryia the orangutan had a pretty good life. The ape would roam the grounds, lazily eating bananas. A swim here and there. Maybe sneaking a cigarette and a brandy behind the work shed. A little wanking when no one was looking. But something was missing. A void. Suryia needed what we all need; companionship.

Enter a stray Blue Tick hound. The pup wandered onto the grounds and the orangutan ran over and made fast friends. Nobody claimed the dog, the Institute name him Roscoe and the dog moved in.

Monkey and dog are now inseparable. Suryia feeds Roscoe biscuits. They go for walks, take swims (the monkey wears a life jacket), have a cuddle and a spoon, play Scrabble and when they are really stressed, go for a ride on on the back of Bubbles the 27-year-old African elephant. They're thick as thieves. The best of friends.

Next stop for the buddies? Oprah. Seriously. They are headed to Chicago to appear on Oprah. There I imagine they will be presented with a new house, car and a lifetime supply of monkey chow and Chuck Wagon.

Heart warming, innit?

One last thing ... How do I get the digits of the babe riding the elephant with Suryia and Roscoe? Yowza. There's something about a woman in khakis holding a monkey and a dog riding an elephant. Call me, love.