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Bird Smuggling Dope Indicted
Bird Smuggling Dope.jpgWe've all heard tales of drug mules swallowing condoms of heroin to smuggle smack through customs. They take a laxative, deuce out drugs and it's sold in Washington Square Park. I've always thought that if I was a smack-head, dancing with Mr. Brownstone, the only thing I could think of buying heroin would be "Who keestered this to get it across the border before I bought it? It was up someone's arse. I just know it."

The picture above is from bird dealing idiot Sony Dong. He was indicted today on federal smuggling charges.

Now, the amazing story. Last month Dong was strolling through LAX, coming back from Vietnam. Acting casual, popping into the Sbarro's for a slice, no big deal. An astute airport employee (who knew they existed?) noticed something odd. "Uh sir, why are your feet covered with feathers and bird crap? And why are your pants chirping?" Customs and Border Protection searched Dong and quickly found
14 live birds attached to two flat pieces of cloth that were wrapped around his calves. The birds included three red-whiskered bul-buls (which is listed as an injurious species under federal law), four magpie robins and six shama thrush.

He had 14 live birdies strapped to his legs. I'm speechless. How long is the flight from Vietnam to Los Angeles? How long did Dong have his pants filled with birds? Not even magicians have doves in their pants for more than 10 minutes.

We can take great comfort that most crimes are thwarted because the perps are cement-heads.

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10 Comments

What a COMPLETE IDIOT!!! He should have strapped them to his arms and unbound their wings. That way he wouldn't have had to take an airplane to transport him across the ocean.

He could have Danny Deckchaired it and gotten off free...free as a bird. It would have been cheaper and more convenient, too.

Stupid smuggler. Do it right.

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 6, 2009 12:08 PM.

I really don't get it. Were his trousers squawking away in row 7 the whole way back to LA? Feathers shooting out of his ankles?

Really odd. Nice Danny Deckchair reference DSB. Beauty.

said Johnny Wright on May 6, 2009 1:04 PM.

J-Dub, they usually sedate the smuggled animals, so you won't have a noise.
Around here you have people trying to board with birds, snakes, small monkeys etc. They have many ways of hiding them, including hidden compartments and pockets, fake prego bellies, fake hunchbacks... you name it, they have done it.
Those who take 'em by car, use an even worse way to hide... fake spare tires. Full of--usually--endangered species...

Also, this guy is clearly stupid. Why the hell did he stood on the airport, strolling with 14 criminal evidences attached to his legs.

said Leonardo Carvalho on May 6, 2009 4:13 PM.

That makes a little more sense if they were sedated. Still bonkers though.

If a Brazilian reader smuggles me a baby monkey in a fake pregnant stomach I would have a real ethical dilemma on my hands. Do I keep it? Turn it over to customs? Man, I don't know.

said Johnny Wright on May 6, 2009 4:50 PM.

Is that an indirect asking?

I forgot wearing my sarcasm glasses today...

said Leonardo Carvalho on May 6, 2009 4:56 PM.

Only hypothetical. The feds may be monitoring this. Don't bring me a monkey Brazilians.

Thank you,

JW

said Johnny Wright on May 6, 2009 5:03 PM.

Jokes aside, I think that the guys who do such thing deserve death penalty.

Man, they lock the poor animals in small cages for days until they have enough amount to travel and cover the eventual losses, they leave the poor critters unfed... have you seen any documentary about it? It's just cruel.

said Leonardo Carvalho on May 6, 2009 6:10 PM.

About 20 years ago neighbor's grandfather smuggled a baby rooster from Puerto Rico in his coat pocket. He used to fly into our backyard all the time (the rooster, not the grandfather). We fed him grilled chicken. It always felt wrong to do that, but he seemed to like it.

said Jen on May 6, 2009 8:25 PM.

That does seem a little odd, Jen. But funny...

said Johnny Wright on May 6, 2009 8:50 PM.

I can't wait 'til Tarantino gets his hands on this story. The shootout at Sbarro's with the multi-colord birds fluttering around will be awesome.

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 7, 2009 2:37 PM.
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