The Star Trek Wedding
Here's an idea, why not gather every single person you know, and demonstrate why you were shoved into lockers throughout high school? I'm sure no one will think less of you when you're "called to the bridge" to tie the knot. And the single men in the audience (let's face it, there will be a plethora), won't be pissed at all when they have to choose between a Borg or a Klingon to dance with. Granted, the fact that you've actually found someone else to share your life with is astounding given your bacne and constant runny nose. But do yourself a favor - realize that, at some point, you may have children (if you figure out how to put that phaser on stun), and they'll probably want to look at your wedding album. Seeing Mom dressed up like Scotty may not give them hope for their future generations.

The Renaissance Wedding
Did you not see Braveheart? Because, the end of that wedding didn't turn out so well for Mel's wife. And really, why celebrate a time when we didn't have things like flushing toilets and Megan Fox? Trust me, you'd be plenty pissed off if you lived 500 years ago. Everything you ate would be dirty, you'd more than likely shovel shit for a living, and they never even heard of Google Maps. So why put the groom in tights and make him say shit in iambic pentameter?

The Pirate Wedding
Take a quick spin around CNN.com these days and ask yourself if you really think it's the best thing to have a pirate themed wedding. (Though, I'd give you amazing credit if you pulled of a Somali pirate-themed wedding complete with machine guns and emaciated teenagers.) Sure, the success of Pirates of the Caribbean made us all fans of the buccaneer lifestyle, but when you're putting on eye-liner and forcing the bride to drink rum soaked in more rum, perhaps you've gone too far. Why not save yourself the embarrassment of looking like you got married on a ride in Disney World, and simply dress up like a giant dildo, walk down to City Hall with your bride-to-be, and take a picture of yourself getting repeatedly punched in the face. Trust me, you won't be nearly as ashamed as would in 20 years when you revisit the ol' wedding album. Plus, you'd save a boat-load of cash, assuming the dildo costume doesn't run you too much.

The Lord of the Rings Wedding
Best case scenario: everyone mistakenly thinks you're having a renaissance themed wedding. Worst case scenario: the only outfit that fits your bride is the dwarf costume. Plus, you're really going to take it to such an extent that you require elf ears? Really? Attaching plastic tips to your ears is something you want to spend most of your wedding day doing? And isn't it just a bit craptastic that your wedding ring looks exactly like the one ring, and you're probably one of 50,000 different couples who have it? You may think you're original, but you aren't. And I have a sinking suspicion that the groom won't look nearly as badass as Viggo Mortensen. Shit, he may not even look as badass as the Cave Troll.

The Star Wars Wedding
Take a long hard look at that photo above. That mask the groom is wearing? That's a bigger abomination than the prequels. And, honestly, when you're picking out costumes, who goes with Admiral Akbar? That's like saying your favorite candy bar is Zagnut. No one picks Zagnut and no one picks Admiral Akbar. Please, get some dignity. Shower. Shave. Brush your teeth. As much as you'd like to celebrate the rebel alliance, I'm sure your folks don't want to hang their heads in shame as you walk down the aisle and are met by Princess Leia in a (poorly fitting) metal bikini.