Have you noticed the big thing on Facebook these days is those lists of your five favorite whatevers? You know...favorite movies...albums...dog breeds. I had just finished my five favorite fascist dictators and sick day excuses when I saw one that really brought me back to my childhood. I went pretty mainstream with my five favorite cereal choices (gotta give it up for the Captain) but the excercise reminded m of some other pretty unique brands. Do you remember any of these?
The video game cereals
Remember how you'd line up all the ghosts, and let the little smiley guy sneak up on 'em and chew them to bits. Mike Tyson Punchout shoulda been a cereal. Soda Popinski and the Bald Bull would make tasty little treats.
Black sheep monster cereals
Give a vampire, frankenstein monster and blue ghost all the fame, but where's the love for the werewolf or mummy? They're like the uncle you never talk about because of an old restraining order. Makes me sad.
Former running back cereals
Never had this one, but I don't imagine they'll ever reintroduce it. And look, he's even wearing gloves.
World War I lover cereals
I don't know. I just get the feeling that after the war, these two met one night in a dimly lit Parisian cafe, and spent the rest of their lives raising alpacas in the countryside.
International stereotype cereals
Are you getting the same un-pc feeling I'm getting? Aussies hate being associated with kangaroos.
Health food lover cereals
Belushi and the little chocolat donuts...that's all I can keep thinking of. You ever read about the ballpark that sold a burger that came on two glazed donuts. That would make a nice side dish for these.
Remember the merchandising cereals
How many other pop stars would've made great cereals? Let's see...Hurley's Darm-O's...Big Pussy's little sleeping fishes....Golden Girl Bran Flakes. The list goes on and on.
After a lucrative career in the cereal game, his highness went on to appear on several episodes of To Catch a Predator.
I could've added the Wheaties box with A-Rod on the cover, but Yankee fans have enough grief these days. And what about the box in the middle...that's just creepy.
Finally, the real reason sugary cereals were ever invented. The heck with the kids, if someone were to track the rise of marijuana sales in the US, and plot the points next to a sales graph for Coco Puffs, you's see a surpisingly parallel course. You know those pot vending machines in California. Imagine if each one had a Captain Crunch machine next to it. There's a million dollar idea waiting to happen.