Just in case you missed it, you might recognize the man on the left. If not, that's the mighty Vince Shlomi of
ShamWow! fame. Apparently his hobbies include infomercials and beating up hookers. As the sordid tale unfolded, he meet a woman at a nightclub, took her back to his hotel ($750/night....not too shabby!) and gave her $1000 after SHE propositioned him for "straight sex" (why can't people find hookers with a heart of gold). Well so far so good.... of course that's when things go wrong. Apparently during the initial kiss, she bit his tounge and wouldn't let go. Sooooooo....he did the most rational thing anyone else would do in that situation, he just beat the shit out of her (I guess that also works for biting dogs, small children, rabbits, etc.). You can read the full article (and mug shots) from The Smoking Gun
here but...if you act now, you can see the hospital pictures
here. I personally figured he could have cleaned up the room, his face and the hooker with those oh so amazingly absorbent ShamWows.....
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He can use the sham-wow to clean up all the blood.
... Like you said.
It'd probably make a decent spankerchief too.
Are you getting this, camera guy?
ShamOw is right. just imagine how much blood there was about the room/hallway BEFORE he cleaned up.
This story has given my buddies and I 10 days of "Man, the Sham Wow really mops up hooker blood" jokes. It has been good times.
i mean, from what i gather, those things hold a lot of liquid.
also, are those jiz stains in that one picture of the hotel room?
No mobudaki, those are used rubbers.
Man that ShamWow guy is creepy looking.
I don't get it. I have seen this story mentioned several times on different websites. The pictures were supposed to be shocking.
But really, who among us has not had a weekend end with a bloodied unconscious hooker handcuffed to a hospital bed?
Okay, let me use my Legally Blonde legal powers here...
Anyone who has ever watched Pretty Woman knows that hookers don't kiss unless they fall in love after a week of staying at a ritzy hotel and going shopping on Rodeo Drive. One night at a nice hotel doesn't do it.
So, his "she bit my tongue at the start" (while the crime scene so prominently features used condoms) defense is very weak. Instead, here's what happened.
He picked her up, had sex with her, then tried to close the deal by trying to sell her a $1000 (retail) worth of ShamWow product (with some Oxyclean thrown in for free). She refused--she had rent to pay, children to feed, etc....but he kept on, getting louder and louder. (No volume control or mute button in real life)
She still held out, tried to leave with her money, and he snapped. He figured he could get $1000 worth of sex for $500 worth of ShamWow product--after all, it had worked in the past....but this one wasn't falling for his sales pitch. And a man who can't close the deal can get emotional.
He then proceeded to beat the crap out of her and bite his own tongue.
There's gotta be a excellent Slap Chop joke out there.....
I wonder if the young lady named in the altercation is going to put "bit tongue of ShamWow guy" on her resume.
I would.
P.S. I hope they didn't get their matching Snuggies bloody.
That would doom the budding romance.
Sarcky,
First off, I would like to point out that your story implies some sort of Billy Mays threesome. Everyone knows that Oxyclean is his bread and butter. I doubt that Mr. ShamWow or Sir SwivelSweeper have ever been within 10 feet of Billy's wonderproduct unless he was paid to show up to prep the area and clean the bloody aftermath. Clearly, the Slap Chop was used as the 2 for 1 product of choice here.
Second, you can hide behind the whole Pretty Woman story if you want, but a much clearer picture of your personal path to prosperity is beginning to emerge. I think we all know what you are really saying here. Let me ask you a couple of questions ...
1. Why do you keep calling me at home and asking me to 'run through' scripts of old infomercials?
2. Why does your garbage regularly contain torn and crumpled video stills of Ron Popeil?
3. How many Ronco products do you own?
4. How many Ronco products have you actually paid for?
The jig is up, babe.
"personal path to prosperity"
hahahahahahaha.........................if I'm on a path to prosperity, I have either hit the real life equivalent of the "go back to start" card, or am misreading my bank statements...
As for your questions, I decline to answer those until my counsel is present....
I'm surprised that ShamWow is still keeping Vince's infomercials up on their website. Usually when stuff like this happens, the company drops the offending person like a hot potato (or a well used ShamWow in this case). I wonder if someone like Popeil or Mays would be able to get away with something like this. Maybe this goes to show that America looks at those infomercial people like their fruitcakes anyways and that it's alright to have a beatup hooker in your hotel since you're already acting like a nutjob to sell a product. I wonder if ShamWow will edit their commercials to include the fact that it's great for cleaning up blood evidence or the Slap Chop is great for cutting up and disposing of evidence.
"Long Island girl marries man with no money." - story at 11.
It's okay--he has a future in porn....he's ready for his close-up.
If he needs a close-up, he's not ready for porn. It's more of a wide-angle gig.
That's why L'il Jimmy Productions feature only widescreen format.
I was using that terminology loosely, as in "I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille"
And as in--someone will be up close and personal to it...maybe in silhouette.
Bigus Dickii, close-ups, pornography, tongue-action, French-speak. This is all too much for me to take ...
That's what she said!
You guys truely amaze and amuse me (in a good way). I'm still trying to figure out how this whole thing went from beating hookers to porn.
Wow this brings back some memories. I haven't har a drunken boxing match with a hooker attatched to my tongue since grade school...
those were the days...
When you were drunk off of fermented apple juice at break.
Maybe she bit him after he tried that "You're going to love my nuts!" line from the SlapChop commercial.
Hah! That's great! I can't believe the Loyal 77 missed an obvious SlapChop joke! That just made my day Steve. Thanks!