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An Imagined Conversation Between Blake Lively and Me
blake_ybnby.jpg
First, I've never met Blake Lively. Second, I'm not, and due to my lack of muscle and/or body width, will never be a bouncer. Third, were I to ever actually meet Miss Lively, I'd probably spend the entire time drooling and making an ass of myself. But this is how I imagine a conversation between the two of us going were she attempting to get into a club and I was working the door.

Blake: Hi, I'm not on the list but I was hoping to get in tonight.
Me: I'm sorry, you'll have to get to the back of the line.
Blake: I'm not sure you understand. I'm Blake Lively.
Me: Great! Congratulations. You'll have to get to the back of the line.
Blake: Listen, is there someone else I can talk to? I'm famous.
Me: What was your name again?
Blake: Blake Lively.
Me: I'm sorry, I've never heard of you. Please step to the back of the line.
Blake: I'm on that show Gossip Girl.
Me: Oh right, that kid's show on television. That must be a great experience. Now please get to the back of the line.
Blake: I think it would be in your best interest to let me in.
Me: Here's the deal, you think you should get in because you're on television. Because you're an actress. But the fact of the matter is, you make pretend for a living. I used to do the same thing ... when I was five years old and in Kindergarten. See all these people waiting in line? Yeah, most of them wake up early, commute to a job that makes a difference, and earn just enough to get by. You work a few hours a day, get paid a lot to be beautiful, and surround yourself with people who tell you how great you are. I'm here to tell you that shit won't fly with me. Now please get to the back of the line.
Blake: You fucking prick. I'm talented. I come from a long-line of talent. My brother was in European Vacation.
Me: Don't get mad at me because I'm the first person in your life to tell it like it is. Now why don't you go home, take one of the many different drugs, prescription or otherwise, you're addicted to, and think about how your life has almost no meaning whatsoever. If you need me, I'll be here with the little people, making sure this country doesn't develop a caste system.
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6 Comments

Awesome pic!
Here's how I imagine conversing with Ms. Lively.
E: You're hot.
BL: True.
E: Let's have sex.
BL: Excellent idea. Let's do!

said E on April 15, 2009 4:48 PM.

I'd hit it!

said E on April 15, 2009 5:16 PM.

BL: I would love to come to your tea-bag party!

said E on April 15, 2009 6:02 PM.

Echo,

I liked how you framed this, but let's be truthful.

This is just a transcript of your taped ramblings during this afternoon's siesta. You really need to stop eating Turducken and watching Gossip Girl reruns during lunch break.

said Tim on April 15, 2009 11:00 PM.

That was awesome, especially if someone really said it like it is one day, i'd probably say something similar but after your last line it'd go like this:
Blake: I'll have sex with you if you let me in.
Me: Ok

said mart on April 16, 2009 8:05 AM.

The hallucinogenic properties of turducken strike again!

said Echowood on April 16, 2009 9:44 AM.
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