This guy Jason, who seems like a tool and cried several times on the air, whittles down his "girl" selection to two chicks. And I'd hate to see what the other girls looked like if he chose these two. One, named Molly, probably has a nice body, but her face looks like it was put together with left-over parts from Mr. Potatohead. This, of course, is covered up with a bunch of make-up and she'd do well as a Kabuki performer. The other, Melissa, needs to lose some weight and hit the treadmill. She's what we'd call "pre-fat" and has upper-arms the circumference of oak trees. So he has to pick one to give a rose to and then propose to. First out is Molly. Jason tells her he's not in love with her. She tells him he's making a mistake, and he's like "damn woman, get in the limo so I can get my freak on with the other chick." Except that doesn't happen. Instead, he runs out onto his deck and cries.like.a.bitch.

Melissa comes out, and I'm sure they had to put truck tires on the limo that brought her there so they could support her weight, and Jason (now tear free) tells her he loves her and he wants to marry her. He then proposes. They hug, and kiss, and fall into a pool. (I looked for nip but couldn't see any.)

And finally, we're left with this "After the Last Rose" bullshit which is supposed to recap the entire season. Except this one is "special", sort of like the Diff'rent Strokes where Arnold and Willis learn a valuable lesson, except without so much of the child molestation and drug use, and with more candles. Jason tells the host he just isn't feeling it with Melissa and he thinks he made a bad decision. The thing is, he wants Molly ... who he told to fuck off. Melissa comes out, he says he made a bad mistake, she calls him a bastard, and she leaves. Then Molly comes out (looking better, but not much) and Jason tells her he wants to give it a shot. She agrees, they make out, and the show ends.

Damn this is longer than I intended it to be. So, it turns out reality television isn't reality. It's all scripted. If this comes as a surprise to you, I have some fucked up news about Santa Claus too. Jason claims all this drama was made by the producers and he was forced to make the decisions he did for the show's sake. And if that weren't enough, we have e-mails between the now spurned Melissa and Jason. They're a pretty good read and made me feel better about myself.